# He's moved out...and I don't feel as bad as I expected.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [November 14, 2002, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750 "2002-11-14T17:39:12Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2002, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750/21 "2002-11-15T11:35:32Z")

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Hang in there, girl. It’s heartening to hear you are doing well. And it’s probably good for your kids that they are _not_ seeing you be a wreck.

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**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2002, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750/22 "2002-11-15T17:29:34Z")

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I’m glad you’re doing well. I ditto **Cranky** , the kids are probably doing better too.

The first step is the hardest. Now you can see what type of woman you can really be. Feel sorry for him, but don’t let the pity get in the way of what’s best for you and the kiddos. If you’re happier without him, so be it.

Don’t be afraid of your emotions. Know that they are temporary, so let yourself have that good cry if it happens, and enjoy that gut-busting laugh when it comes.

Don’t chase after him. After all, he’s the one that refused to work, not you. Maybe that’s why he’s feeling so bad…he realizes what he’s losing.

Consult an attorney to protect your rights. Don’t make any hasty decisions. And I think a nice long breather, longer than a couple of weeks, is probably best.

Good luck. Keep us posted, and {{{{{{{{{{{{{ **bodypoet** }}}}}}}}}}}}}

You are stronger than you realize. Let the real bodypoet show you what she can do.

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**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750/23 "2002-11-15T19:54:16Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Just remember, his feelings are not your responsibility. They are his responsibilty.

Words to live by.

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**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750/24 "2002-11-15T23:56:31Z")

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So we saw the therapist today, and a couple of interesting things happened.  
First: She told him that his behavior doesn’t seem to indicate that he really wants to stay in this marriage, and that if he does indeed want to save it, he is going to have to start showing some initiative, helping out, being responsible, etc. In short, everything he hasn’t done thus far…and more so, because he has some serious changes to make, and to demonstrate before I will begin to believe that they might be permanent.  
Second: She told us that she feels strongly that we should stay separated for at least 6-8 weeks. And he took it pretty well, which rather surprised me.

Now he’s at work and things are calm. Overall, we are getting along much better than we did while we were together. Unfortunately, I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I’ll probably feel that way for a long time.

Thank you all so much for your support. It’s so good to hear your voices. {{{{{hugs everyone}}}}

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**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\
**Post date:** [November 16, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-moved-out-and-i-dont-feel-as-bad-as-i-expected/136750/25 "2002-11-16T01:46:35Z")

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I’ve been following the story, and I would say that feeling peaceful and serene while he’s no longer there to create all this stress for you and the kids is a good thing. Good luck!

F\_X

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