# He's so stupid that... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963 "2000-06-10T17:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/1 "2000-06-10T17:57:23Z")
What’s your favorite way to to illustrate someone’s relative intelligence? For a long time, my fav was “He’s as dumb as a stump.” Used to always get a giggle out of my SO. Now, though, BratMan007 has blown that one out of the water with his devilishly funny “He’s so stupid that he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.” I always laugh my ass off when I hear that one, BratMan007. C’mon, all, what’s your favorite phrase for expressing stupidity? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/2 "2000-06-10T18:12:06Z")
One of my faves is “She/he has cobwebs in the windmills of her/his mind.” ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/3 "2000-06-10T18:49:13Z")
This is my favorite because it works on so many levels. _He is so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time._ What’s so great about it? Well, it was first said about an American president, Gerald Ford. It was said by a former president, Lyndon Johnson. How much better than that can it get. Can you imagine someone having the balls to say that about George Bush? Of course not, it would be considered a great breach of tact. Yet this comment was said by a former president. I just love it. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/4 "2000-06-10T18:51:44Z")
He’s so stupid it took him 3 hours to watch 60 Minutes. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/5 "2000-06-10T18:54:42Z")
or, and: He’s so stupid he thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/6 "2000-06-10T18:57:21Z")
So stupid he was fired from M&Ms for throwing away the "W"s. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/7 "2000-06-10T19:06:19Z")
hehehehehee… brachyrhynchos is so stupid that he thinks he needs to apologize for pushing up the post count on my thread. **ducks and runs away** ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/8 "2000-06-10T19:32:43Z")
Another one: He’s so stupid he cooks with Old Spice. (BTW, i’m a she :). check the webpage.) ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/9 "2000-06-10T19:37:13Z")
Damn, sorry 'bout that brachyrhynchos. I actually stopped to ponder your gender about halfway through that post, and went “What the hell, chances are it’s a guy.” since this message board seems to be about 70% male/30% female. Shoulda looked, I guess. (and, btw, you missed a great opportunity to spout off about how stupid I am…) ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/10 "2000-06-10T19:47:35Z")
That’s okay Athena - it’s sometimes hard to tell on these boards. “brachyrhynchos” isn’t exactly a giveaway, either. Hey, I wouldn’t bite the hand that started a great thread! And to keep on the OP: He’s so stupid he tried to strangle himself with a cordless phone. and… He’s so stupid he took the Pepsi Challenge and chose JIF. (_Ba-da-BOOM! Goodnight, everybody!_) ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/11 "2000-06-10T20:54:50Z")
He climbed into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking. He fell out of the family tree. ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/12 "2000-06-10T22:09:01Z")
Here’s a few of my favorites: She’s a can short of a six pack. It doesn’t appear that his elevator stops on all floors. He’s one of the dimmer bulbs in the pack. ---
**Author:** ![xenophon41](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xenophon41/32/253_2.png) [@xenophon41](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenophon41)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2000, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/13 "2000-06-10T22:49:27Z")
Here’s two from columnist Molly Ivins: If dumb were dirt, he’d have about 40 acres… That boy is dumb enough for twins… ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/14 "2000-06-11T00:07:23Z")
A taco short of a combination plate… Dumber than a box o’ rocks… ---
**Author:** ![TheNerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@TheNerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheNerd)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/15 "2000-06-11T01:05:43Z")
“(s)he’s as sharp as a sack of wet mice.” “(s)he’s not the sharpest spoon in the drawer” “(s)he’s a few bits short of a byte.” ---
**Author:** ![timmar68](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@timmar68](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/timmar68)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/16 "2000-06-11T01:17:33Z")
How about, “His elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top”? ---
**Author:** ![lswote](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lswote/32/5737_2.png) [@lswote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lswote)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/17 "2000-06-11T04:13:21Z")
I like BratMan007’s saying, but the version I heard was simpler. I can’t even remember how man times my father said to me “You’re so stupid you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with directions on the heel”. I used to work with him on the weekend installing furnaces and air conditioners and he used to regularly tell me I was so worthless that “You can be replaced with a nail”. ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/18 "2000-06-11T05:29:55Z")
I always say… “He came from the short end of the gene pool” “Not the brightest bulb” “A dull knife” “One brick short of a load” “The cheese slipped off that cracker” ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/19 "2000-06-11T05:35:40Z")
o/~ Not the sharpest tool in the shed. o/~ Not the blankiest blank of the blank Your intelligence is rivalled only by garden tools. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Zero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Saint\_Zero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Zero)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/20 "2000-06-11T05:58:07Z")
Defintely a low-watt bulb, there. Bread not baked all the way to the center. Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top. Half a Bubble off Plumb. Few bricks shy of a full load. The old “For Rent” sign is up there. (Family in-joke) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963.md?page=2)