# He's so stupid that... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 10, 2000, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963 "2000-06-10T17:57:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WallyM7](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5e925/32.png) [@WallyM7](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WallyM7)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/21 "2000-06-11T07:26:16Z")
If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change. If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead. Stupid? He’s reached rock bottom and has started to dig. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle. He has serious delusions of adequacy. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. He’s depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. He’s a gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming. He’s so dense, light bends around him. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/22 "2000-06-11T07:27:37Z")
who’s wally? ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/23 "2000-06-11T07:34:35Z")
The best line I know of that I came up with along these lines was the phrase “eyeball to prostate viewpoint”. Although, strictly speaking, that’s not referring to stupidity. Anyways, I offer it to all of you guys, free of charge. I used this in the Pit a while ago, and trying to find it again I realized “damn, I’m pretty far from a Pit virgin.” I used search, and was sitting there trying to think of all the morons I’ve flamed in the past couple months. I’m a fairly decent flamer IMHO. Take that however you want. ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/24 "2000-06-11T13:55:34Z")
Suffers from Clue Deficit Disorder. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group. An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled. Mind like a steel trap - anything entering gets crushed and mangled. Doesn’t have both oars in the water – can’t even find the damn boat. People around him are at risk of second hand idiocy. Mind wandered and never came back. Couldn’t write dialog for a porno flick. It would be easier to count the bricks left than the bricks missing. Couldn’t find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Doesn’t just know nothing; doesn’t even suspect much. Mind readers charge him half price. Ought to have a warning label on his forehead. Not only a few brick short, but is missing someone else’s bricks as well. ---
**Author:** ![funneefarmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@funneefarmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/funneefarmer)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/25 "2000-06-11T17:04:51Z")
Try reading [Over 1000](http://www.his.com/~tkuster/humor/fulldeck.htm) of these sayings. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/26 "2000-06-11T17:33:36Z")
He’s a fertilized polar body (Little Biology humor there. Very little). And you wonder why animals eat their young? He’s dumber than a box of hammers. (From a stand up comic) Gonna have to get a helmet for that one. He’s gonna be on the short bus, licking the window. He’s a waste of genetic material, better suited for a head of lettuce. And the classic: He couldn’t find his ass with both hands and a flashlight. ---
**Author:** ![Initial\_Entry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e9a140/32.png) [@Initial\_Entry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Initial_Entry)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/27 "2000-06-11T18:24:41Z")
> [@](#): > > The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead And who’s fault is that Wally? ---
**Author:** ![purrplebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/90ced4/32.png) [@purrplebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purrplebear)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/28 "2000-06-11T21:20:44Z")
Initial Entry, you stole my line! Great minds think alike… I love ya, Wally, really I do. 😃 He’s so stupid, he fell out of the stupid tree, and hit every branch on the way down. Got up, tripped over the ugly stick, and decided to try the tree again. ---
**Author:** ![Darkpyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@Darkpyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkpyre)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2000, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/29 "2000-06-11T23:18:09Z")
In response to someone saying “I didn’t know…” say "Lady (or mister) what you don’t know could fill a warehouse ---
**Author:** ![Edwardina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Edwardina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Edwardina)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/30 "2000-06-12T17:37:53Z")
His I.Q. would not measure above room temperature. He has the I.Q. of patio furniture. He’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic. He has to be reminded to breathe. Suitable for vegetarian consumption. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/31 "2000-06-12T17:43:25Z")
Dumber than a box of rocks. A box of _ **STUPID** _ rocks. ---
**Author:** ![jayron\_32](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/41988e/32.png) [@jayron\_32](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayron_32)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/32 "2000-06-12T17:56:08Z")
My favorite, probably a peculiar New Englandism, was always: Doesn’t know his ass from his elbow. (which usually elicited a response involving someone else pointing at their posterior and saying “Elbow, right?”) ---
**Author:** ![Phobos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Phobos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phobos)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/33 "2000-06-12T19:49:56Z")
“he’s about as sharp as a bag of wet mice” (Foghorn Leghorn, IIRC) ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/34 "2000-06-12T20:13:22Z")
Stolen straight from MST3K, “…Rock dumb hillbillies.” You can’t get any better than that. HUGS! Sqrl ---
**Author:** ![dil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f04885/32.png) [@dil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dil)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/35 "2000-06-12T20:21:30Z")
He’s a few fries short of a happy meal ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/36 "2000-06-12T20:45:35Z")
Thicker than two short planks held together with Stupid Glue. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Sharp as a ball peen. He’s so stupid he thinks the Mexican Border pays rent. (That one is Foghorn Leghorn) ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/37 "2000-06-12T22:44:38Z")
He’s got a lot upstairs. No brains, just an empty lot. - from an old “Quick Draw McGraw” cartoon. He’s so dumb he thinks he lives at the corner of “Walk” and “Don’t Walk”. - bastardized from a Jimmy Buffett song. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/38 "2000-06-13T00:16:00Z")
Not the brightest coin in the fountain. He’s so stupid, he went up to a parking meter, put a coin in and expected bubble gum to come out. He’s so stupid, he got hit by a parked car. (These were submitted by my daughter.) You can tell he played contact sports in college. (This was submitted by my wife.) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/39 "2000-06-13T01:47:24Z")
From a Dave Barry article about how disgusting bait is, a phrase fish use about each other: “He’s so dumb he’d eat bait.” ---
**Author:** ![Argeable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5ac83/32.png) [@Argeable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argeable)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-so-stupid-that/21963/40 "2000-06-13T01:51:22Z")
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