# He's tall, dark, handsome, funny, smart... if he just weren't soooo... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055 "2005-01-22T07:03:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/61 "2005-01-26T22:39:09Z")
AND QUIT REFERRING TO HIM AS A “KID”! He is of the age of consent (by a lot in the Deep South, I would think (OUCH! OK, OK, I’m kidding!)) and if you keep _thinking_ of him as a kid, you’re gonna make yourself crazy. Trust me on this one, you’ll thank me later. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/62 "2005-01-26T22:50:01Z")
> [@LifeOnWry](#): > > He is of the age of consent (by a lot in the Deep South, I would think (OUCH! OK, OK, I’m kidding!)) and if you keep _thinking_ of him as a kid, you’re gonna make yourself crazy. I would take deep personal offense at that… if it weren’t for the fact that my mother began dating my father when she was 14 and married him just over a year later [and he was her junior high school teacher at that]. Cue banjos. 😉 Actually, he lives in a city of around one million people. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/63 "2005-01-26T23:04:34Z")
You look mighty fine to me… straight chick here. And if that pic is any good, you can easily pass for several years younger. My grandfather is 90 yo, still hasn’t started doing that “grow up” thing. My friend Carlos was more grown up at 15 than most guys at 30. When my grandparents started dating, people twittered and tutted about her being older than him (they’ve been together almost 68 years). Was there any other questions? Oh yes, something like… > [@](#): > > Am I being overly analytical? Yeap. Now go with our best wishes and have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/64 "2005-01-26T23:23:19Z")
Straight guy checking in, and you look fine. But if you don’t stop fretting like an old woman RIGHT THIS MINUTE, the lot of us are going to petition the mods to change your username to “Burly”. Don’t think we won’t, boyo. Now go have fun. ---
**Author:** ![Impy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Impy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Impy)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/65 "2005-01-26T23:51:42Z")
Yay! I’m glad last night went well, and hope things go even better in the future. This thread pulled me out of a good five years of lurkerdom because I, a gay burlivesy MLIS student at UA, have been given much hope and cheer by your story. Please keep it up, and go get 'im, tiger! ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/66 "2005-01-27T01:53:25Z")
You asked for input; here it is: get the hell over yourself, man! (And when you have somebody as self-obsessed as I am telling you to get over yourself, that’s a sign that something is wrong.) You keep referring to him as “kid” and “child,” and even if it’s jokingly, then as long as you keep doing that, you’re going to see him as that first. And you’re going to see him as someone who makes you feel older. And at that point, all the bits about how well you can converse and shared interests and everything is wasted, because you just see what’s on the surface. It’s all in your head. It’s not what other people think that’s the problem; it’s what _you_ think. There’s exactly _one_ legitimate concern about the age thing: life experience. You’ve had the opportunity to experience more stuff and experiment more than he has. And that could be a problem if you’re at the point where you’re thinking long-term relationship and he’s thinking “I want to see how this whole connecting with other people thing works.” But you know, that’s only a problem in like 2 or 5 or 10 years from now. Right now, you’ve found a guy who sounds like a great match for you, but you can’t appreciate it because of something shallow. > [@Sampiro](#): > > (we were the only two in the theater, and while we did sit with arm contact the entire time no hand holding or anything unfortunately-we didn’t leave the customary “I’m Not a Fag” empty seat between men, though) Heh, I didn’t know that was that common. Whenever I go to a movie with my friend Rachael, and we see two guys sit leaving the hetero seat between them, she always says in a low voice, “Faaaaaaaaaag” and it just freaks them out. They get all self-conscious, but they can’t look around to see who said it, because that would be admitting it! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/67 "2005-01-27T04:40:15Z")
Eh, Sol’s right- enough whining. As the not quite late Doris Day once said, Kay Saran Sarong- I’ll see where it goes and resolve to stop harping on the age difference (and Johnny Carson can’t die _every_ week to make a living dead reminder of generational differences [although Ed and Doc are still around- shit!]). Impy- odd hearing from somebody four floors above me. Feel free to drop in on me in the waking should you ever need help with an assignment. Well, I’m off to the marvelous world of intergenerational dating------ Shaaaaaa-lom! ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2005, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/68 "2005-01-27T10:26:54Z")
GOOD LUCK! I really hope you get some. Maybe when he makes your toes curl you’ll stop thinking of him as a ‘kid’ or ‘child’ and just start calling him God! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/69 "2005-01-28T21:39:26Z")
As a complete non-sequitur I just had to add: I met Impy from above today and it was the strangest thing hearing the name “Sampiro” spoken aloud- I’m not altogether sure I’ve ever heard said in all the years since I first chose it (due to a Cecil column, actually). And I’m having company tonight… oy… the phrase “nervous as a pregnant nun” comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/70 "2005-02-01T16:30:38Z")
😉😛🙂😃🆒 ---
**Author:** ![GomiBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b2d939/32.png) [@GomiBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GomiBoy)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/71 "2005-02-01T16:58:51Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > 😉😛🙂😃🆒 So I am assuming you got you some! Congrats, man! ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/72 "2005-02-01T17:00:49Z")
Yay! ---
**Author:** ![taxi78cab](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47c2d/32.png) [@taxi78cab](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/taxi78cab)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/73 "2005-02-01T19:50:02Z")
You can’t just leave it at that! We need details, man! OK, so not the real personal stuff, but a nice little romantic bedtime story… unless… he’s still there??? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/74 "2005-02-01T20:05:16Z")
Oh, good heavens. You found a great guy. Quit beating yourself up about nothing and enjoy him! It’s not like he just turned 18 or something, he’s not a kid. Honestly, it sounds like you are so into him, it’d be a real shame if you let this bother you any more. I went through a bit of soul-searching at the beginning of a relationship with a man 16 years my senior, but guess what – nobody cared much, and it didn’t matter. And I was 24 when we met, not much older than your guy. Just go lick him already or something. _g_ ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/75 "2005-02-01T20:55:00Z")
> [@taxi78cab](#): > > You can’t just leave it at that! We need details, man! > > OK, so not the real personal stuff, but a nice little romantic bedtime story… unless… he’s still there??? :eek: Well… I didn’t think it was going to happen, and then it did. And I remembered a bit more than I was afraid I would. Not to belittle the sex at all, but lying in my bed with my arms around a snoring beautiful semi-nude demi-god, his head on my shoulder and his arm across my chest, was one of those Truman Capote “I could leave the world with [this] in my eyes” moments. If I live to be 158 (God… he’d only be 141…) that’s one that nobody will ever take away. As for the future: who knows. If he wants to sleep with guys his own age, I’m honestly content to have him as a friend and I still want to know him. If this continues, well… obviously I’m cool with that too. But after five…six?.. years of non self-imposed celibacy (and that’s the worst kind), this was the greatest wake-up call I’ve ever had. Which of course means that later in the week my dog will turn rabid and I’ll develop leprosy to balance the universe out. But… you’ll know me on Molokai as I’ll be the leper who’s smiling (at least until my lips fall off) as I’ll be the one with the memory of a demi-god sleeping in my arms. Euclid I surpassed thee. ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/76 "2005-04-15T02:14:33Z")
Just a little bump to see how things are going. I haven’t seen anything posted, so I hope all is good… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055/77 "2005-04-15T03:27:18Z")
**Sampiro** , I wanted to let you know that there’s nothing out of the ordinary here, even though my opinion doesn’t matter anymore. There’s an even greater age difference between me and my bf, and it hasn’t mattered (except when he uses idioms I don’t understand). 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hes-tall-dark-handsome-funny-smart-if-he-just-werent-soooo/286055.md?page=3)