# Hetero Male Rules and Protocol **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 24, 2007, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317 "2007-01-24T21:51:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/201 "2007-01-29T20:10:54Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] But not if it’s a two guys and a girl threesome, right? [/QUOTE] _Technically_… a threesome is when all participants are having sex with another. However, in the case of a MFM encounter, and the guys were following the rules in post #191, it would be considered a gang bang (two or more participants having sex with one person simultaneously. With 4 or more participants, the lines between orgy, n-some, and gang bang begin to blur, but are in effect nonetheless. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/202 "2007-01-29T20:59:39Z")
And I thought a gang-bang involved specifically forced, unwilling sex on the part of the recipient. Hence my dislike for the idea. (I mean, apart from the fact that a lineup of men waiting their turn looks _really_ dorky.) ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/203 "2007-01-29T21:07:27Z")
No, that’s rape. Just as many men fantasize about being with more than one woman, some women fantasize about having sex with more than one man. There don’t have to be so many men involved as to create the need for a queue. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/204 "2007-01-29T21:27:41Z")
The chick in a gang bang has to not only be willing, but eager. The only touching that the guys are allowed to do is to high-five each other. The H-M’s complete guide to nutrition: 1. Steak is a vegetable. 2. Steve is a fruit. Avoid Steve. 3. Beer is a grain. 4. Titties is dairy. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/205 "2007-01-29T21:28:57Z")
[QUOTE=Pygmy Rugger] There don’t have to be so many men involved as to create the need for a queue. [/QUOTE] It makes for excellent educational television, however. ---
**Author:** ![Santo\_Rugger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Santo\_Rugger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santo_Rugger)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/206 "2007-01-29T21:50:28Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] The chick in a gang bang has to not only be willing, but eager. The only touching that the guys are allowed to do is to high-five each other. [/QUOTE] Also known as an Eiffel Tower, when done with two hands during a hog roast. ---
**Author:** ![Intelligently\_Designed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intelligently_designed/32/20957_2.png) [@Intelligently\_Designed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intelligently_Designed)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/207 "2007-01-29T23:25:39Z")
[QUOTE=Pygmy Rugger] Just as many men fantasize about being with more than one woman [/QUOTE] And you know why? So that afterwards he can sleep while the ladies talk together. Or should I understand that after having sex with H-M, said ladies are so satisfied and exhausted that they sleep _too_? Or that H-M instead goes for a snack? ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/208 "2007-01-29T23:36:47Z")
[QUOTE=D\_Odds] (name sounds French, and what H-M knows where Belgium really is?) [/QUOTE] Eisenhower, Patton, and Bradley! [Walloon](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walloons) :mad: ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/209 "2007-01-30T00:12:08Z")
[QUOTE=Walloon] Eisenhower, Patton, and Bradley! [Walloon](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walloons) :mad: [/QUOTE] Alright, you got me there. Those are three H-M’s. However, are you admitting to being a French-speaker? If so, you might wish to back quietly out of this thread. Some of these other H-M’s are suffering from extreme testosterone-overdosing, and it might not be safe for you here. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Emilio\_Lizardo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Emilio\_Lizardo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emilio_Lizardo)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/210 "2007-01-30T01:31:19Z")
[QUOTE=MacTech] if they’re _cordless_ they’re worth more Man Points [/QUOTE] OK I know I’m 3 pages late but what the fuck[SUP]\*[/SUP]? Are you going to tell me that [this](http://www.blackanddecker.com/ProductGuide/Product-Details.aspx?ProductID=10952) is more manly than [THIS?](http://www.mytoolstore.com/milwauke/1675-6.html) I firmly believe that when it comes to tools, old fashioned beats new-fangled, and bigger is ALWAYS better. They’re both drill presses, but [this one](http://www.centurymachinery.com/images/9410-2,%20cincinnati%20bickford%20single%20spindle%20drill%20press,%20capacity%2024%20inch,%20super%20service,%20box%20column,%20power%20feed,%204%20mt,%20power%20feed,%20speeds%2060%20-%201000%20rpm,%20X-Y%20axis%20table.jpg) is _way_ more manly than [this one](http://www.taunton.com/finewoodworking/ToolGuide/ToolGuideProduct.aspx?id=5398). [SUP]\*[/SUP]Real H-M’s never abbreviate their curse words. ---
**Author:** ![Bobotheoptimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/919ad9/32.png) [@Bobotheoptimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bobotheoptimist)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/211 "2007-01-30T04:59:32Z")
[QUOTE=Emilio Lizardo] OK I know I’m 3 pages late but what the fuck[SUP]_[/SUP]? [SUP]_[/SUP]Real H-M’s never abbreviate their curse words. [/QUOTE] Oh yeah, I got so caught up in the beer that I forgot about cordless tools. A big-ass Makita is ok, but if I’m going to use a drill I want to run a 30 amp 220 V extension cord from the shop. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/212 "2007-01-30T06:18:14Z")
There are no HM Power Tools in North America. American/Canadian power tools, as we know, run on 110v power. British, Australian, and New Zealand power tools run on 240v power- which means that British/Aussie/Kiwi power tools are so manly they need twice as much juice as North American ones. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/213 "2007-01-30T07:18:27Z")
[QUOTE=AskNott] I once knew a rambling hardcore biker named Moose, rest his soul. He had the requisite Harley trademark tattoo, and a few crossed-out girlfriends’ names. He also had a spectacular, multicolored bird tattooed on one upper arm. I saw it one day when he wore a tank-top. I asked if it was a parrot. “No,” he laughed, “it’s my ten-inch cock!” [/QUOTE] Feh. If he were a real HM it would have been “this is my other ten inch cock”. Which puts me in mind of my favourite HM comment; a guy I was seeing who diffintly an UberHM (his favourite hobby was tying up girls when he wasn’t teaching them how to kneel {did I mention he was a perfect gentleman?}, he was an army drill sargent {and looked totlly hot in his uniform. I never thought I’d take the Gang of Four song seriouslly}, who once commented “I wish I has a ten inch dick.” I said Geez most girls couldn’t even take that. Whatever would you do with it? He said “I dunno probably go around hitting people with it” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/214 "2007-01-30T07:22:49Z")
[QUOTE=mamboman] \*It is the solemn duty of any hetero man observing cleavage to notify any other hetero men in the vicintity of the visiblity of cleavage in such a manner that does not arouse the awareness of the cleavage provider [/QUOTE] In that case I qualify. I always pointed out good cleavage to my SO. I’m not anywhere near a HM but I’m a great girlfriend. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/215 "2007-01-30T14:17:55Z")
**Martini Enfield** has the voltage thing nailed; however, all HMs at least harbour an ambition to get a 415V 3-phase supply into their workshop, garage or shed, in the hopes of unleashing some real kilowattage. The fact that 415V is a serious threat to life and limb is viewed as a selling point, not a drawback. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/216 "2007-01-30T14:31:33Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] **Martini Enfield** has the voltage thing nailed; however, all HMs at least harbour an ambition to get a 415V 3-phase supply into their workshop, garage or shed, in the hopes of unleashing some real kilowattage. The fact that 415V is a serious threat to life and limb is viewed as a selling point, not a drawback. 🆒 [/QUOTE] Mad Scientist HMs should also aspire to at least two Tesla Coils, a Lightning Conductor, and some kind of Industrial Laser, as well. 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/217 "2007-01-30T14:54:52Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] Hemingway used both those words. So it’s not impossible, just extremely unlikely. [/QUOTE] Hemingway was a paper machito, dear. Jus’ sayin’. (I’m from Pamplona, we’re not fond of Fiesta and he _was_ a backseat machito) ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/218 "2007-01-30T15:52:25Z")
[QUOTE=Martini Enfield] Mad Scientist HMs should also aspire to at least two Tesla Coils, a Lightning Conductor, and some kind of Industrial Laser, as well. 😉😃 [/QUOTE] Although they inevitably wind up at the end of bar rambling incoherently about those bastards at the patent office. [QUOTE=Nava] Hemingway was a paper machito, dear. Jus’ sayin’. (I’m from Pamplona, we’re not fond of Fiesta and he was a backseat machito) [/QUOTE] I think you’re focusing on the actual guy, rather than the voice behind the stories. Hell, I think DH Lawrence could have beaten up Faulkner, but “the Bear Hunt” is required reading for any HM. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/219 "2007-01-30T15:55:14Z")
[QUOTE=saoirse] Although they inevitably wind up at the end of bar rambling incoherently about those bastards at the patent office. [/QUOTE] Although that can be said of a lot of people these days. ---
**Author:** ![Precambrianmollusc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/precambrianmollusc/32/63_2.png) [@Precambrianmollusc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Precambrianmollusc)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317/220 "2007-01-30T18:44:52Z")
Absolutely no conversation when taking a leak, unless large amounts of beer have been drunk, when the only permissible conversation is about a) breaking the seal / beer quantity b) the hot chick in the bar c) the current score/status of play Rules relating to correct urinal selection in a crowded pisser are not required. If you need a rule to guide you, the you are just not HM. Manual vs automatic transmission is a hazy area. Admitting to driving an automatic has the overtones of admitting you are not one with your machine and need a little help. This can be offset by actually knowing how an automatic works and can pass comment on how you have modified widget x in there to achieve almost perpetual motion machine like levels of efficiency and power delivery. Laundromats are to imagine picking up chicks in for and pondering on the possibilities of having a shag in, just like in that film. No not that film, the other one, besides you don’t even know what that film is, right. Clean clothes are just a useful by product. When paying for something, faffing around for change is not acceptable, use the first bill that comes to hand. After paying , delaying at the till to put the change back in the correct place in your wallet or bill folder implies you need a purse rather than a wallet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hetero-male-rules-and-protocol/389317.md?page=12)