# Heterosexuality, a crime? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [February 29, 2000, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670 "2000-02-29T22:00:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2000, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/21 "2000-03-02T00:56:00Z")
This is just great. If either side gets banned, my sex life is cut in half! šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Wage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/7993a0/32.png) [@Wage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wage)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2000, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/22 "2000-03-02T02:47:00Z")
Um, I know this was WAAYY at the top of the page, butā€¦ I seem to recall reading that the Spartan army was gay, as was most of the Roman aristocracy. BUTā€¦there was reasoning behind the Romans homosexuality, and to be frank itā€™s sexist. The reason that Romans were gay was simple because the aristocracy was expected to have mates of the same status: and of course, _women_ (in those days) were no where CLOSE to where men were status wise. So to have an equal mate, you had to be gay. And to start families, many of the homosexuals became hetero. So hence we see that many wars were started by heteros. (Like me, 'cept I havenā€™t started a war. Yet.) And so, is heterosexuality a crime? Noā€¦we started more wars simply because pretty much all the population was hetero. Anyone who wasnā€™t was killed (outside of Rome). England had a gay king once. They jbed a red-hot poker up his ass. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/23 "2000-03-02T03:00:00Z")
Wage, Next time the sarcasm fairy is in your town, you two should have a talk. maybe he could explain some stuff to you * * * Cecil said it. I believe it. That settles it. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/24 "2000-03-03T06:29:00Z")
Who the fuck decided it would be OK to change the name of this thread without asking me? If Iā€™d wanted the fucking thread to say ā€œparodyā€ in it then I wouldā€™ve fucking put the word ā€œparodyā€ in it? Do you not have a real high opinion of the intelligence of the average SDMB denizen, that you feel itā€™s necessary to label an obvious parody? Change it back. ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/25 "2000-03-03T06:36:00Z")
[Moderator Hat ON] Easy, Otto. I changed the title because it isnā€™t a debate, so I thought Iā€™d make that clear _before_ people even open the threadā€“this _is_ great debates, you know. Technically, it should be in the Pit, but I thought Iā€™d leave it here since itā€™s been here so long. If you like, Iā€™ll remove the ā€œparodyā€ and move it to the Pit, where you can make fun of Orion all you want (and even use obscenities freely, which you should know is frowned on in this forum). [Moderator Hat OFF] ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/26 "2000-03-02T19:43:00Z")
Please, make it a crimeā€¦ I confess - Iā€™m a hetro woman - worse, a breeder with two children. I really tried to become a lesbian in college, but after several akward encounters, found myself, despite my best intentions, dating only men! Eventually, I found myself married, with two children, driving a minivan, living in the suburbs. Every day I worry about corrupting my children with my lifestyle choices. Of course, if you make hetrosexuality illegal, I wonā€™t have any choice but to pack my bags and move my children in with a woman who wears sensible shoes. The way God meant it to beā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![Gaudere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e495f1/32.png) [@Gaudere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaudere)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2000, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/27 "2000-03-02T21:20:00Z")
[Moderator Hat ON] Hmm. Well, my first backing-down. I apologize, Otto; I saw the Judaism thread, which is obviously a slam at Orion (not that he doesnā€™t deserve it, but not here), and since your title and OP are nearly exactly the same, I assumed it was basically a Orion slam as well, and for consistencyā€™s sake I thought Iā€™d change both. But I read your thread more carefully, and itā€™s not; thereā€™s actually some debateable questions hidden in here, and youā€™re not just making fun of Orion. I apologize for altering your thread title when there was no need, and Iā€™ll change it back (Iā€™ve _tried_, but it keeps timing out). I also apologize for our little flurry of posts here, which kind of derailed an amusing thread. But you still canā€™t swear in GD (much), even if youā€™re really pissed. šŸ˜ƒ [Moderator Hat OFF] ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/28 "2000-03-03T03:08:00Z")
I appreciate your apology and your changing the thread title back. Iā€™ll try not to swear so fucking much. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2000, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/29 "2000-03-03T06:58:00Z")
No, no, no. You still canā€™t covet your neighbourā€™s ass, remember? Of course, Iā€™m not a Christian so I can covet anything I want. And I can also beget with whomever I want. Covet covet covet, beget beget beget. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2000, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/30 "2000-03-08T17:44:00Z")
Iā€™ve seen this around for years, and Dandmb50 just posted it in MPSIMS, but I thought having it here might generate some interesting discussion: **Heterosexual Questionnaire** > [@](#): > > 1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality? > > 2. When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual? > > 3. Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? > > 4. Is it possible your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex? > > 5. If youā€™ve never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay/lesbian lover? > > 6. To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react? > > 7. Why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle? > > 8. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Canā€™t you just be what you are and keep it quiet? > > 9. Would you want your children to be heterosexual, knowing the problems theyā€™d face? > > 10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexuals. Do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers? > > 11. Even with all the societal support marriage receives the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals? > > 12. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex? > > 13. Considering the problem of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you? > > 14. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Donā€™t you fear s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings? > > 15. How can you become a stable person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive, heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural, healthy homosexual potential? > > 16. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed which enable you to change if you really want to. Have you considered trying aversion therapy? Just something to ponderā€¦ Esprix * * * [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/31 "2000-03-08T22:06:00Z")
My ghod, snorting Jolt out the nose hurts like hell!! I truly wish I were ten years younger, and you were blind and tasteless. šŸ˜‰ ---
**Author:** ![Ichabod](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/da6949/32.png) [@Ichabod](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ichabod)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670/32 "2000-03-09T16:48:00Z")
Can Heterosexuality be cured? Heterosexuality is the biggest threat to the American family. Just think of all those people who cheat on their mates with members of the opposite sex. What will happen to the children??!! * * * Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuality-a-crime/17670.md?page=1)