# Heterosexuals: can you generally tell whether someone of the same sex is attractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363 "2010-06-08T00:10:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/21 "2010-06-08T03:50:17Z")
I can tell the difference in attractiveness of men, but not to nearly the same resolution as I can with women. With men, I can maybe distinguish between about five different levels (very ugly, below average, average, above average, very handsome), whereas with women, it’s more like a hundred different levels. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/22 "2010-06-08T04:08:03Z")
Nope, because it’s completely subjective. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/23 "2010-06-08T04:14:55Z")
I’ve always thought it very strange when guys say they can’t tell if other guys are attractive. I mean, we’re all subjected to the same media bombardment and so on, right? We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/24 "2010-06-08T04:22:04Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I’ve always thought it very strange when guys say they can’t tell if other guys are attractive. I mean, we’re all subjected to the same media bombardment and so on, right? We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. What are the stereotypes\* regarding attractive men? There’s tall, not overly thin or fat. What else? \*Perhaps you meant, ideals, models, archetypes? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/25 "2010-06-08T04:29:36Z")
I can’t tell if other guys are attractive or not. Hell, I can’t even tell if I am. ---
**Author:** ![Acantha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@Acantha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acantha)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/26 "2010-06-08T04:29:40Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Uh…there’s not a consensus amongst straight women on that one. _I_ was pretty surprised to learn that he’s supposed to be attractive too, not just funny. Definitely not a consensus. I don’t see his appeal, looks-wise. I can _usually_ tell when another women is attractive, though occasionally there are those ones whose appeal I don’t understand at all, say Sarah Jessica Parker or Juliette Lewis? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/27 "2010-06-08T04:32:39Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I’ve always thought it very strange when guys say they can’t tell if other guys are attractive. I mean, we’re all subjected to the same media bombardment and so on, right? We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. I’m a dude, and I think it’s strange, too. I’m pretty sure that I could learn how to tell attractive warthogs from unattractive ones given a few solid hours of study. How could someone who has lived his whole life in human society remain so ignorant? ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/28 "2010-06-08T04:42:11Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I can tell the difference in attractiveness of men, but not to nearly the same resolution as I can with women. With men, I can maybe distinguish between about five different levels (very ugly, below average, average, above average, very handsome), whereas with women, it’s more like a hundred different levels. Yeah, exactly. Although I’d put my own resolution for judging men at maybe three levels… ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/29 "2010-06-08T04:43:14Z")
As a man, I haven’t been able to get a clear picture of the things women look for in men. Sometimes its easy to see which of two different men a woman would find more attractive, but individually, I wouldn’t pick up the factors that make a difference. I do remember somebody describing women as tending to look at a man as if they were in a picture together, while men tend to focus more directly on the woman. I’m not sure that’s any more than one person’s perspective though. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/30 "2010-06-08T05:18:25Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. Which country? ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/31 "2010-06-08T05:21:27Z")
I’m not sure if anyone can really pick out what is or isn’t attractive. What one finds becoming another finds off-putting. Saying someone is attractive doesn’t mean you are necessarily attracted to them. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/32 "2010-06-08T05:59:46Z")
Like many others in that first thread, I can point out the 10s and the 1s, but for the guys that fall in between I couldn’t tell you what men would be considered more attractive than other men. For example, before this thread I had no idea Nathan Fillion wasn’t considered “conventionally attractive.” ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/33 "2010-06-08T06:04:56Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I’ve always thought it very strange when guys say they can’t tell if other guys are attractive. I mean, we’re all subjected to the same media bombardment and so on, right? We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. I’m not sure that is true. Stereotypical beauty in women really does seem to be stereotypical. High cheekbones, large eyes, small nose etc. Yes, there are women whose attractiveness is highly debatable (Uma Thruman, Julia Roberts), but usually even the people who say they are attractive will acknowledge that they have unattractive features but are attractive \*despite \* them. So we all still seem to be on the same page about what makes a woman sterotypically attarctive. Then we come to men. I’m a straight man, and I can readily see that Ricky Martin, Paul Newman Brad Pitt are very good looking, for example. Those are stereotypically attractive men. The problem is that many men that I am told are unbelievably sexy, to me look ugly. The classic case for me is [Robby Williams](http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/passtheremote/robbie-williams-plans-comeback.jpg). To my eyes the man looks like a cross between a toad and a troll doll. He actually seems quite likeable, I could see him being a good mate, but I can’t see how he could be considered attractive even in a bad light. I would have thought that th choice for Robbie was between “hideous” and “homely”. Yet he has won about a zillion “sexiest man” awards, and I have never met a woman who didn’t think he was gorgeous. Even Tom Cruise, to me, is plain. He has a nice smile, but that’s it. He’s not actually ugly like Robbie, but he is very ordinary. Yet once again, he is considered amontg the most attractive men on the planet. And this, I think, is the difference. There is a stereotypically attractive woman, and the more a woman varies from the less attractive she becomes. Women can remain attractive \*despite \* that variance, but every man will tell you that Julia Roberts would look better is her mouth wasn’t three feet wide, or that Uma Thurman has a really odd jawline. There is also definitely a stereotpyically attractive male, but many men that are considered highly attractive vary hugely from that stereotype and are considered attractive precisely \*because \*they vary. If my experience is typical than you will be hard pressed finding a woman who would change even a single feature of Robbie Williams. He is attractive \*because \*he’s weird looking. Or maybe I’m full of shit. Anyway, I answered that I have hard time identifying attractive men. That’s not really true, because I can identify \*some \*attractive men. But the poll didn’t allow any other options. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/34 "2010-06-08T06:11:21Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > The classic case for me is [Robby Williams](http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/passtheremote/robbie-williams-plans-comeback.jpg). To my eyes the man looks like a cross between a toad and a troll doll. He actually seems quite likeable, I could see him being a good mate, but I can’t see how he could be considered attractive even in a bad light. I would have thought that th choice for Robbie was between “hideous” and “homely”. Yet he has won about a zillion “sexiest man” awards, and I have never met a woman who didn’t think he was gorgeous. Even Tom Cruise, to me, is plain. He has a nice smile, but that’s it. He’s not actually ugly like Robbie, but he is very ordinary. Yet once again, he is considered amontg the most attractive men on the planet. To be fair, Robbie also looks like [this](http://hotmusicbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/robbie_williamssex.jpg) and [this](http://thespotlightreport.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/robbie-williams.jpg). For every bad picture you find I can find a good one. I met him when I was a cocktail waitress at a casino and pictures do not do him justice. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/35 "2010-06-08T06:23:40Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > To be fair, Robbie also looks like [this](http://hotmusicbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/robbie_williamssex.jpg) and [this](http://thespotlightreport.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/robbie-williams.jpg). He looks OK in the B&W glamour studio shot I’ll grant you. But anybody looks OK in those things. But the other one? To me he still looks ugly. He also looks ugly in interviews, videos etc. > [@](#): > > For every bad picture you find I can find a good one. That’s the thing. For me you can’t. I didn’t select that photo as one that made him look ugly, it was just the first face shot on Google image search. He also look ugly in almost all the others. To me he is hideously unattractive. If he were an unknown and you asked me how women would rate him, I would have said it was a choice between homely and hideous. I quite like the man, he is certainly charismatic, but he is, to me, the textbook example of an ugly man considered unspeakably handsome. > [@](#): > > I met him when I was a cocktail waitress at a casino and pictures do not do him justice. That may be so too. But the point is that most women have never met him in person, yet he seems to be considered universally attractive. Obviously he \*is \* attractive to women, I just don’t get why, which is why is brought him up. It’s a good example of what the poll is asking about. To save my life I could not have identified him as someone with any appeal to women, yet he actually has huge appeal. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/36 "2010-06-08T06:27:39Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > But the other one? To me he still looks ugly. He also looks ugly in interviews, videos etc.. I think he’s attractive generally but all I can say for the first one is that a hot body can go a long way. Just sayin ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/37 "2010-06-08T06:31:01Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I think he’s attractive generally but all I can say for the first one is that a hot body can go a long way. Just sayin Buttisface? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/38 "2010-06-08T07:09:12Z")
Maybe the difference is personality. I can see an attractive woman and be attracted to her because she is simply good looking, I can also see a plain woman and be attracted to her because something in her personality makes her attractive. On the other hand, I can see a handsome man and recognise that he is handsome, but if I see a plain man with a good personality I just see a plain man who might be good to be friends with, I don’t see that as attractive in any way. That may explain why there’s a little bit of WTF? when you find out that woman find someone to be sexy, they may be homing in on the personality side of things which is not something we pick up on in the same way. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/39 "2010-06-08T09:34:52Z")
There aren’t enough options in the poll. I am a heterosexual guy, and in the case of certain types of men (say, Pierce Brosnan, or the young Sean Connery) I can readily see that women would find them attractive. However, there are other males who, apparently, are considered very sexy by the girls, but for reasons that utterly baffle me. Why would any woman think Owen Wilson, or Brendan Frazer, or Kevin Bacon fer crissakes is hot? But apparently they do. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/40 "2010-06-08T10:28:37Z")
There’s a fallacy in the premise of this poll. The implication is that gay people are in agreement about attractiveness, and it is definitely not true. We all have our “types” as to whom we’re attracted to, and this covers a wide spectrum of looks. My taste is unique, and I’m often at a total loss to explain what the “average” gay man finds attractive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363.md?page=3)