# Heterosexuals: can you generally tell whether someone of the same sex is attractive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363 "2010-06-08T00:10:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/41 "2010-06-08T14:50:24Z")
The straight guys here seem to think that women all agree on who’s an attractive man, and that there are objective criteria for what makes someone hot. Weird. Haven’t ya’ll heard a group of women debating whether or not some guy is attractive? We certainly don’t all agree about _any_ of the exemplars listed here. I mean, Brendan Fraser? Ew. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/42 "2010-06-08T15:02:00Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > The straight guys here seem to think that women all agree on who’s an attractive man, and that there are objective criteria for what makes someone hot. Weird. Haven’t ya’ll heard a group of women debating whether or not some guy is attractive? We certainly don’t all agree about _any_ of the exemplars listed here. I mean, Brendan Fraser? Ew. You and a dozen other people in this thread have said that this is a pointless exercise because of how subjective attractiveness is. While that’s true, there are definitely people who are, in general, considered attractive. Them’s the breaks, unfortunately. Look at all the women who’ve responded that they can tell if other women are attractive or not. Isn’t it subjective with women, too? Of course it is. But they can still tell if a woman is going to generally be considered attractive or not. I lack the ability to discern the same among other men. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/43 "2010-06-08T15:05:19Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > The classic case for me is [Robby Williams](http://blogs.coventrytelegraph.net/passtheremote/robbie-williams-plans-comeback.jpg). To my eyes the man looks like a cross between a toad and a troll doll. He actually seems quite likeable, I could see him being a good mate, but I can’t see how he could be considered attractive even in a bad light. I would have thought that th choice for Robbie was between “hideous” and “homely”. Yet he has won about a zillion “sexiest man” awards, and I have never met a woman who didn’t think he was gorgeous. Hello, my name is PookahMacPhellimey, I’m a (straight) woman who doesn’t think Robbie Williams is gorgeous. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/44 "2010-06-08T15:13:14Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > The straight guys here seem to think that women all agree on who’s an attractive man, and that there are objective criteria for what makes someone hot. Weird. Haven’t ya’ll heard a group of women debating whether or not some guy is attractive? We certainly don’t all agree about _any_ of the exemplars listed here. I mean, Brendan Fraser? Ew. I’m a straight guy, I don’t think women agree on which men are attractive. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/45 "2010-06-08T15:17:57Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > But they can still tell if a woman is going to generally be considered attractive or not. I lack the ability to discern the same among other men. I think you misunderstood my point. I certainly said that I can tell if another woman is attractive. However, I don’t mean to say if I think a woman is attractive, everyone else (or straight guys, or whatever) will also think she’s attractive. I just mean that I can make a subjective assessment of whether or not other women are attractive. I expect that, in general, my view will probably be similar to the average view, but even if everyone disagreed with me every time, I would still say that I am capable of assessing attractiveness. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/46 "2010-06-08T15:22:13Z")
> [@VarlosZ](#): > > As for me, while I usually have no trouble picking out “handsome” and “ugly” at the extremes, in general it just doesn’t occur to me that another guy is attractive or unattractive, nor am I able to see it if it’s pointed out to me. This. By way of example, I would love to have Daniel Craig’s physique, but I personally consider his face kind of ugly. This opinion seems to be unknown among women. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/47 "2010-06-08T15:37:18Z")
Women tell me I’m attractive, but I don’t see that at all. I’m really pretty goofy looking. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/48 "2010-06-08T15:39:27Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > To be fair, Robbie also looks like [this](http://hotmusicbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/robbie_williamssex.jpg) and [this](http://thespotlightreport.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/robbie-williams.jpg). For every bad picture you find I can find a good one. I met him when I was a cocktail waitress at a casino and pictures do not do him justice. I don’t think I would have been able to tell those were the same guy. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/49 "2010-06-08T15:50:39Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > I’ve always thought it very strange when guys say they can’t tell if other guys are attractive. I mean, we’re all subjected to the same media bombardment and so on, right? We’ve had all the stereotypes drilled into us for both genders. But men are not paying as much attention to one side of the media. I can tell which men are attractive (I think) but I have to think about it - with women the reaction is immediate and involuntary. I say this as a person whose ideas both of male and female beauty are rather different than the media standard in the US. The media is better at telling us when someone is _supposed_ to be attractive than it is saying why someone who is not classically beautiful can be considered attractive, but I think it works better for women than for men. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/50 "2010-06-08T16:30:06Z")
I don’t get it with models. Who decided that Kate Moss was especially beautiful? She’s not homely, but I know many women as good-looking as she is. Devon Aoki? Unusual looking, striking, but I’m not seeing it. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/51 "2010-06-08T16:33:16Z")
Straight guy chiming in. IMHO, it’s a breeze to tell what guys have to swat the ladies away with a stick, and what guys need to rely on their personalities. What’s difficult is to account for what any individual woman finds attractive. And then, when there’s this one girl out there that expresses attraction to some plain guy, you shouldn’t think to yourself, “_What? That guy’s weird looking!_” Because there’s women out there for even the weird-looking guys, though the overall numbers still work against them. Some of the men being proposed in this thread … well, sorry all, but it’s kind of amusing. If non-famous doppelgangers of Robbie Williams, Daniel Craig, and Brendan Fraser walked into a night club, they’d be fighting the women off with a stick. The fact that you, individually, might not be able to “feel” that attraction for yourself doesn’t mean much. EDIT: and Nathan Fillion’s doppelganger would be scoring all night, too. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/52 "2010-06-08T16:37:47Z")
In my experience, most women think they know if other women are attractive. None of them are as good at it as they think they are. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/53 "2010-06-08T16:46:15Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > Some of the men being proposed in this thread … well, sorry all, but it’s kind of amusing. If non-famous doppelgangers of Robbie Williams, Daniel Craig, and Brendan Fraser walked into a night club, they’d be fighting the women off with a stick. The fact that you, individually, might not be able to “feel” that attraction for yourself doesn’t mean much. That is exactly our point- _we’re not good at this._ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/54 "2010-06-08T16:48:53Z")
Posting before reading other comments. I have my own ideas about attractiveness and sexiness in other men and I find my ideas are consistent with my wife’s in more than 80% of the cases. Usually when they differ, she finds the guy less attractive than I do, but often more sexy. That’s where I have my troubles with other men. If it’s just the handsome or stud aspect, I get that right away. The “sexy” aspect of what I consider ugly guys is a mystery to me and I see no hope for being educated otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Pearse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/richard_pearse/32/13144_2.png) [@Richard\_Pearse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Pearse)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/55 "2010-06-08T17:17:01Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > I don’t get it with models. Who decided that Kate Moss was especially beautiful? She’s not homely, but I know many women as good-looking as she is. Devon Aoki? Unusual looking, striking, but I’m not seeing it. Models don’t need to be beautiful, they need to make clothes look good, that is all. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/56 "2010-06-08T17:24:31Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > That is exactly our point- _we’re not good at this._ You – and other straight guys – can get good at it, IMHO. Think of it as evaluating a set of features. No single one of them, individually, is an instant _YOWSA!_ from the whole of womankind, but each adds some points to a guy’s Physical Attractiveness Quotient. Note that NOT possessing any one of these features does not necessarily count negatively … the gestalt trumps all. - Relatively tall - Overall athletic build - Physical stature that conveys “power” (tall + “big-boned” + an extra 20 lbs, short + buff, etc.) - “Strong-looking” shoulders, chest, arms, and hands (this can mean “obvious muscle mass”, “wirey, toned, and tight”, or a combination) - Dark hair/complexion (highly culturally dependant, though) - Blue, gray, or green eyes when paired with dark hair - Non-squinty eyes (don’t have to be big eyes) - Square jaw - Strong chin of some sort (dimpled, prominent bone structure, etc.) - A distinctive nose (e.g. aquiline noses get attention) Now then – all this stuff is meant to address attractiveness to the masses. It will be easy to post copious numbers of counter-examples. It will also be easy to find many women who will shoot down one or more of the features above as singularly unattractive. But remember: the idea is not that these features help you attract EVERY woman – just a lot of them 😃 And yes, obviously there’s no personality, charisma, sense of humor, ambition, sophistication, worldliness, values, etc. taken into account. Everyone knows the intangibles hold a lot of sway (Bill Gates’ doppelganger isn’t getting the time of day in a night club unless his intangibles are off the charts). ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/57 "2010-06-08T17:28:29Z")
Sometimes I can, especially the outliers (very attractive or very ugly men). I know that George Clooney is attractive. I know that Steve Buscemi is not. But I often have trouble in between; it may be because my barometer (my wife) finds _me_ attractive, and I don’t think I am, so that throws off my scale. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/58 "2010-06-08T18:06:44Z")
I’ve always said that I can’t tell the difference (and voted that way in the poll), but I suppose a more accurate phrasing would be that _apparently_ I can’t tell the difference. I can name qualities that I think an attractive man would have, judge the presence of those qualities in other men, and offer an opinion based on that. I can do this quite easily. Whenever I do, though, it’s usually at the behest of my friends who are attracted to men, who nigh-invariably disagree with me to the point that they find my assessment laughable…and, not being attracted to males myself, my opinion for its own sake is kind of moot. I always figured this was what most straight men meant when they said they “couldn’t tell”. A claim of the sort hypothesized in this thread, that they lacked the ability to even offer an opinion, I would take with a grain of salt and a :dubious:, but that’s not what I’d assume the average Joe means when he says this. ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/59 "2010-06-08T18:32:32Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > - Relatively tall > - Overall athletic build > - Physical stature that conveys “power” (tall + “big-boned” + an extra 20 lbs, short + buff, etc.) > - “Strong-looking” shoulders, chest, arms, and hands (this can mean “obvious muscle mass”, “wirey, toned, and tight”, or a combination) > - Dark hair/complexion (highly culturally dependant, though) > - Blue, gray, or green eyes when paired with dark hair > - Non-squinty eyes (don’t have to be big eyes) > - Square jaw > - Strong chin of some sort (dimpled, prominent bone structure, etc.) > - A distinctive nose (e.g. aquiline noses get attention) Yum. I’ll take all of the above, please. ---
**Author:** ![Mops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mops/32/16494_2.png) [@Mops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mops)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363/60 "2010-06-08T19:56:02Z")
I consider my idea of attractiveness in men pretty consistent with what women seem to consider attractive: regular but distinctive features, capable-looking body confidently carried. Some men are attractive through charisma; I can sense the charisma if not the attraction. BTW of quite a few guys it’s their good dress sense rather than innate good looks that I envy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-can-you-generally-tell-whether-someone-of-the-same-sex-is-attractive/542363.md?page=4)