# Heterosexuals: did you choose your sexual orientation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931 "2003-10-06T21:11:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/1 "2003-10-06T21:11:02Z")
If not, hopefully you understand how it is that there are so many homosexuals and bisexuals who also did not choose their sexual orientation. Just trying to raise awareness/fight ignorance. (such a good SDMB member I am!) ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/2 "2003-10-06T21:22:56Z")
Yep. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a crisp autumn day in late September. I was strolling along Baltimore’s famed Antique Row. As I walked past a small, unassuming store front, I spotted something out the corner of my eye. There, atop a beautiful 19th century, mahogony end table, was the prettiest, heterosexual orientation I’d ever laid eyes on. I entered the shop, haggled with the owner and, five minutes later (and a few bucks lighter, I might add), I left the shop the proud owner of a lovely sexual orientation. ---
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/3 "2003-10-06T21:33:44Z")
😃😃 LOL ---
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/4 "2003-10-06T21:42:50Z")
[Yakov Smirnov] In America, you choose sexual orientation. In Soviet Russia, sexual orientation chooses YOU! [/Yakov Smirnov] ---
**Author:** ![j.c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/73ab20/32.png) [@j.c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j.c)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/5 "2003-10-06T21:52:17Z")
How would I know? Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/6 "2003-10-06T22:02:03Z")
Well, being not at either extreme end of the Kinsey scale, I suppose at sometime I said to myself, “self, best marry a man, cause you can’t marry a woman, and choosing to life partner with a woman will make life a hell of a lot more difficult.” I suppose I must of, cause I married a guy. Girls were fun to play with, but really, _marry one_? (for the humor impared, that was a joke). In truth, all of my meaningful relationships were men (until very recently - all my meaningful friendships have been with men, and it wasn’t until my 30s that my (platonic) girlfriends became important to me). Had I really fallen in love in a meaningful way with a girl, it might be different - but that would have involved opening myself in a way that I never did in same sex encounters. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/7 "2003-10-06T22:10:09Z")
I don’t find men sexually attractive so I guess I didn’t have much choice in the matter. I’m completely comfortable with myself, and wouldn’t mind being gay if it wasn’t for the ‘having sex with men’ bit. Yes, that last sentence wasn’t serious. I s’pose I could choose to completely abstain. Yeah right… ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/8 "2003-10-06T22:16:18Z")
Shit, I have to pick?! Alternate answer. Yesterday. ---
**Author:** ![DaveX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@DaveX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaveX)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/9 "2003-10-06T22:38:02Z")
Of course I chose my sexual orientation. It’s the celibacy that I seem to have no choice about… ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/10 "2003-10-06T22:53:10Z")
Oddly enough, I think I could switch if I felt like it. Don’t feel like it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/11 "2003-10-07T01:02:16Z")
No, I had no choice in the matter. It just rather quickly dawned on me during early adolescence that female bodies were something that I wanted very, very badly to get much much more acquainted with, as soon and as often as possible. I had as much choice as someone jumping out of an airplane has over which direction they’re going in. The skydiver may alter the speed and angle a bit, but the direction remains earthward with relentless inexorability. I’ve never felt that way about the male body. Perhaps it’s some sort of character flaw or genetic defect. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/12 "2003-10-07T01:04:24Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve never felt that way about the male body. Perhaps it’s some sort of character flaw or genetic defect. And by that, I mean flaw or defect in myself! ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/13 "2003-10-07T01:38:49Z")
I can remember being eight years old and blushing whenever I watched _Family Ties_ because Michael J. Fox was just SOOO CUTE!!! So, I guess that means no? ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/14 "2003-10-07T01:41:42Z")
I didnt’t know people COULD choose. ---
**Author:** ![AntaresJB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@AntaresJB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AntaresJB)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/15 "2003-10-07T02:37:42Z")
I _tried_ to change my mind about it. When I got to be about 17 and had still never been dated or kissed or shown the least bit of interest by any guy whatsoever, I thought, “Hey, since guys don’t like me, maybe I should try girls.” But then I came to the realization that I am just not attracted to women at all, and the thought of sexual activity with a woman icks me out, and _girls don’t have penises_. And I like penises. So… nope, really can’t help being straight. ---
**Author:** ![musicguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@musicguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/musicguy)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/16 "2003-10-07T03:05:51Z")
This study that was just released might be of interest [Click Here](http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=101&ncid=101&e=8&u=/po/20031003/co_po/ukstudysexualityissetbeforebirth) > [@](#): > > A new U.K.-based study claims to prove that sexual orientation is decided before birth, being “hard-wired” into the human brain along with other key traits. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/17 "2003-10-07T03:11:15Z")
Nope, not in the least. Happily hetero. (Or is that an adjustment to the inevitablity of gravity in my case, q.v. Qadgop’s post above?) But I am mindful of its limitations in the Big Picture, remembering the Woody Allen observation that being bisexual doubles your chance to find a date for Saturday night. ---
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/18 "2003-10-07T03:49:17Z")
I think the OP misses a lot of the gist of the nature v. nurture debate on the origins of homosexuality, but _does_ touch on another angle not often addressed in that debate. The first point would be the debate over whether or not one is “born that way” or not. That is by no means clear in any research I’ve seen. It begs the questions: Are the self-confident born that way, a product of a combination of heredity and nurture, or so by virtue of their developmental environment? Are the child abusers born that way, a product of a combination of heredity and nurture, or so by virtue of their developmental environment? The socio-political time bomb in there is that perhaps environmental factors might, in some future day, be identified that could be manipulated to swing a child’s sexual orientation development one way or another. The second point touched on is that, regardless of any resolution of the first question, that really being whether or not present day adult homosexuals were born that way or might have grown up to develop as heterosexual had their environment been different, none of the people involved, hetero-. homo-, bi-, as children, had control over their nurturing environment and as such, none had control over their sexual orientation. So while the question _is_ interesting, in that it highlights the lack of choice in an individual being independent of the nature v. nurture question, it does little to resolve that debate. FWIW, while I’m discrete, I find it nearly impossible to not scope out the attractive women I see. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/19 "2003-10-07T04:14:15Z")
I guess you could say I did. I did experiment a few times with some homosexual type things, and I wasn’t that impressed. But everything I’ve done with the ladies I love to ne end 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yumblie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/76d3ee/32.png) [@Yumblie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumblie)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931/20 "2003-10-07T04:14:17Z")
Yep. Another decision made easier with our good friend Eenie Meanie Mienie Moe. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/heterosexuals-did-you-choose-your-sexual-orientation/205931.md?page=2)