# Hey, all you "Mr. Right will come along someday" Pollyannas? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 11, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602 "2003-07-11T01:02:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/1 "2003-07-11T01:02:19Z")
I tried. Very nicely, with little cussing, I tried in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=196438&pagenumber=2) about those of us who know or suspect we will never wed. But still, you came, one by one by one, to tell us that, “Oh, just when you leat expect it, Love will Come Around the Corner,” or (my favorite) “You can’t find love till you love yourself.” Well, listen up, buckos. I dated for ten, fifteen years before I realized that after awhile, you’re no longer an optimist, you’re a masochist. I am never going to get married, or have a boyfriend, ever again. Three reasons: 1. I am an unprepossessing middle-aged woman. 2. I am not looking. 3. I am transgendered. And, to paraphrase Mrs. Parker, “Men seldom pinch fannies of girls who are trannies.” Now, mind you, I am not sitting at home feeling sorry for myself (well, OK, right _now_ I am, but . . .). I have a fulfilling career, a lot of friends, and _I enjoy being single_ (note the “not looking” clause). I know lots of people (no names) in unhappy marriages and, as my Aunt Ida says, “It’s better to be alone than to wish you were.” So will you please take my word for it–take all of our words for it?–and stop being so fucking smug and condescending? You are NOT being helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/2 "2003-07-11T01:09:32Z")
Okay, I didn’t participate in the thread, but I’m guilty of this. I do it to some of my friends. It’s not meant to be condescending, though. I never had a serious relationship beyond three months before I met my boyfriend and the love of my life. Now, I’m so amazed by this unexpected love, and so happy, that I just want my friends to be as happy as I am and to experience this kind of love. It’s not meant to be condescending, it’s out of my wish for them to be happy. However, I do see now that it _can_ be condescending, even if it’s not intentional. I’ll stop doing it to them. I hated it when people did it to me when I was single (although now I know they were right), so I don’t know why I think it’s okay for me to do it. Ava ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/3 "2003-07-11T01:12:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by avabeth \* > \*\*I hated it when people did it to me when I was single (although now I know they were right), \*\* Grrr…and upon re-reading, that looks like I’m being smug, as in “Well, _they_ were right, so I am, too”, but it’s just meant in a “I know I got mad at my friends, but they were right in my case.” Ava ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/4 "2003-07-11T01:19:21Z")
**Eve** , don’t sweat it. They may put “Miss” on your tombstone, but it will be truthfully said that you didn’t miss much! ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/5 "2003-07-11T01:41:31Z")
I have to admit I’ve trotted both of those out on occasion. ::hangs head in abject shame:: However, in my own defense, I would like to note that the person in question had asked me a direct question about her prospects for love and marriage, and why she never seems to find men. She brought it on herself, I tell ya! Oh, and **Eve** , after you get this subset of condescending schmucks sorted, how about starting in on the “Oh, you’ll see when you have kids” people. Those smarmy bastards are driving me nuts. Oooh, maybe I’ll just start telling them I’m transgendered too. _That_ ought to shut them up. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/6 "2003-07-11T01:45:56Z")
Oh, and I’ve seen your pictures, and I think you’re quite prepossessing, **Eve**. You appear to have gorgeous skin, beautiful hair, and absolutely stunning bone structure. Those New York/Jersey guys must be crazy. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/7 "2003-07-11T01:53:43Z")
Eve, dahling, I prefer “custom built.” Not everybody is a chopped and channeled, injected and blown (well, maybe not blown anymore 😉 ), Hemi-powered, high-performance, nineteen-something-model street machine. (Almost called you a “hot rod” but that rod’s out of the picture, too. 😉 ) Your friend, Mr Pollyanna 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/8 "2003-07-11T02:19:41Z")
Well, **Eve** , if it makes you feel any better, I could tell you you’re going to die terribly, terribly alone. Does that help? ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/9 "2003-07-11T02:28:27Z")
> [@](#): > > I have a fulfilling career, a lot of friends, and I enjoy being single (note the “not looking” clause). Ah, this is the part it’s easy to misinterpret. A lot of people who are single are upset about that, but a lot of people are \*not, and some people make asses of themselves assuming all single people are the former. And having met you, let me agree that you’re highly preposessing. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/10 "2003-07-11T02:34:58Z")
You’ve got it wrong, **Eve.** The masochists are the ones in the relationships. Having married twice, I know that Neil Peart said it best, “There is no love without pain.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/11 "2003-07-11T03:55:45Z")
I found a lot of the stories encouraging, but I know what you mean, **Eve**. But please, do NOT sell yourself short. We still love you! ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/12 "2003-07-11T04:22:32Z")
I like best what you said: > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\* _I enjoy being single_ \*\* That’s what burns some people. They just can’t accept the idea of happy singleness. Why, they’re happily in love, everyone else must desire to be in love, just like them! Being fulfilled on your own is preferable. Even for those who _are_ in love. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/13 "2003-07-11T04:26:36Z")
Eve, I am horrified by the notion that I am one of the condescending Pollyannas you are calling down. I merely wanted to share my story in response to some of the younger, gloomier gusses I’d seen in that thread. I wouldn’t presume to tell anyone (total strangers, to boot) they’d be happier in a relationship than alone, that’s ridiculous; I also wouldn’t tell the gloomy gusses that the right person is out there waiting, 'cause I’m well aware it ain’t always true. My disclaimers to that effect were vaguely worded and possibly overlooked at the end of a long-winded post. My point (which I took my sweet rambling time trying to express) was that I’d been happy enough single, and right now am happy enough with someone else. To the 20ish folks depressed at the thought of spend their lives unmarried, I think I’d say try to be happy with what you have, whatever you have, and don’t keep peeking at your watch because who wants to spend their life miserable waiting for someone who never shows up? That’s all. I can see I got stuck on details of the relationship itself, and that it could easily come across as smug or boastful. I’m still somewhat shocked at the way my life is turning, and the novelty hasn’t worn off, please forgive me for that. I’m sorry if I offended you or anyone else. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/14 "2003-07-11T04:55:35Z")
Hell’s bells, darling… I don’t want to be immodest, but I have had men wanting to marry me ever since I was 17. The thing is, I wasn’t ready then, and I am too smart to get all googly and think that maybe I WAS ready. I KNEW I wasn’t. So then all kinds of men came along, and some of them I loved too much, and some of them loved me TOO ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/15 "2003-07-11T04:56:45Z")
Rats, how did THAT happen? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/16 "2003-07-11T05:04:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scotticher \* > \*\*Rats, how did THAT happen? \*\* Yes, your perkiness was set at a volume of 11. ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/17 "2003-07-11T05:15:43Z")
I guess so. However, I was talking about the fact that I had this whole explanatory post and when I hit submit reply I got…nothing. THAT is what I was wondering what happened about. And I quit, so have a nice night. Who cares anyway? Probably no one. **Eve** …I love you. Do whatever you need to do in order to be happy. ---
**Author:** ![Apos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/838e76/32.png) [@Apos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apos)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/18 "2003-07-11T05:54:31Z")
What does “preposessing” mean? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/19 "2003-07-11T05:55:07Z")
[Well Eve…](http://mywebpages.comcast.net/cpeek001/mik.mp3) ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602/20 "2003-07-11T06:04:14Z")
**Eve** , I’ve no wish to come under the fire of the OP, but if I might respectfully disagree a bit… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\*I am never going to get married, or have a boyfriend, ever again. Three reasons: > > 1. I am an unprepossessing middle-aged woman. > \*\* Perhaps in your opinion, but it’s the opinions of others that would count here. I’ve not met you personally, but going on pictures I’ve seen and the opinions of Dopers who _have_ met you, “unprepossessing” is hardly the word I’d use. There’s nothing wrong with being middle-aged, either. Lots of people are (I’m damned close), and many of them are looking for someone. I don’t believe it’s the handicap you think it is. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 2) I am not looking.\*\* As I noted in the other thread, neither am I. Neither are _lots_ of people. It still happens sometimes anyway. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 3) I am transgendered. And, to paraphrase Mrs. Parker, “Men seldom pinch fannies of girls who are trannies.”\*\* Mrs. Parker may be right, but do you really want to spend your life with an unrepentant fanny-pincher, anyway? 🙂 I may be odder than I realize, but I can’t see this as an insurmountable obstacle. It is, after all, the person that’s important, not (if you’ll pardon the euphemism) the plumbing (especially if it’s former plumbing). I’d hate to think I’m the only one who feels that way. > [@](#): > > \*\* > So will you please take my word for it–take all of our words for it?–and stop being so fucking smug and condescending? You are NOT being helpful. \*\* I don’t think people meant to be condescending (and neither do I), I think they were trying to be encouraging. Sure, many people have sought out the solitary lifestyle; but others evidently feel involuntarily shoehorned into it through circumstances beyond their control. I think the Pollyannas were simply saying _to those people_ that Hope Springs Eternal. Being alone because you want to be is wondrous and liberating. Being alone because you think you have no choice can be major suckitude. I can’t fault people for wanting to bring a ray of light into the darkness of those who have it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-all-you-mr-right-will-come-along-someday-pollyannas/187602.md?page=2)