# Hey, Kathleen Parker? I got yer fuckin' God right here! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2001, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935 "2001-10-02T07:15:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/21 "2001-10-02T18:20:11Z")
Hey, **MEB** , I may not believe in god(s), but you are my idol. But, while you score big for “festering pustule in place of a brain,” and “she don’t smell or taste too good either,” you get marked down for the redundant references to martian wolves. Buddy of mine was talking about their upcoming services for “The persecuted church.” Had to restrain my self from suggesting alternative titles such as “The insufficiently subsidized church,” etc. Think for yourself if you want to know ideological persecution. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/22 "2001-10-02T18:33:42Z")
> [@](#): > > There are no atheists in foxholes, we’ve always known. There were none in the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, we can guess. Actually, I’m not so sure. People were busy trying to get out of the building, but the end came so suddenly and absolutely that there was little time for last-moment conversions. One thing that cockpit recorders show is that the last words of pilots, a group that can die suddenly while very busy, tend more to “Oh, shit!” than prayer. ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/23 "2001-10-02T18:49:53Z")
::: Elly, who is usually not easily impressed, scrapes her jaw off the floor :::: MEB. Dear. Darling. Wow. That was beautiful. Wow. ::: wipes a tear from her cheek ::: Wow. E. (Marry me, too? C’mon, everyone wants to marry the Fearless Leader of the Scylla World Domination Happy Fun Squad… C’mooooon… Be a pal… 😃 ) ---
**Author:** ![redtail23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@redtail23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/redtail23)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/24 "2001-10-02T18:52:53Z")
::wild applause:: Thank you, **MEBuckner**! I swoon at your feet. ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/25 "2001-10-02T18:55:28Z")
> [@](#): > > **MEBuckner** , marry me! But we haven’t even been formally introduced! Call me old-fashioned… > [@](#): > > …you get marked down for the redundant references to martian wolves. Well, I was trying for sort of a theme, y’know? > [@](#): > > Actually, I’m not so sure. Well I’m quite sure that, out of 6,000 New Yorkers, just about every religious belief and practice known to mankind was represented. I’m sure there were people who commended their souls to God, including some who hadn’t really been very religious lately. I’m sure there were others who were atheists to the end. Elenfair, I haven’t been formally introduced to you, either. This is a strange community we’ve got going here. Cuss some idiot out and make a lot of references to bestiality and stuff, and all of a sudden women you’ve never met want to be in your harem. Not necessarily strange in a _bad_ way, but definitely strange. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/26 "2001-10-02T19:07:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Actually, I’m not so sure. > > Well I’m quite sure that, out of 6,000 New Yorkers, just about every religious belief and practice known to mankind was represented. \*\* Uh, I need to be pushed to the breaking point to say anything absolutely. Where I come from, “I’m not so sure” is the same as as, say, a New Yorker’s “You fucking moron! How could you say anything so stupidly false?” ---
**Author:** ![Sofa\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/58956e/32.png) [@Sofa\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sofa_King)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2001, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/27 "2001-10-02T19:10:14Z")
Well, I’m trying hard to continue to hold my tounge. I will, however, say this. Somebody fucked up real bad when they decided to take on the U.S., exactly _because_ a significant proportion of us are atheist, agnostic, or non-religious. When we find the motherfuckers who did this, I’ll be the first in line to send the bastards straight to their little Saturday Morning Cartoon Reality Hell… **…Just to watch the expressions on their faces.** ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/28 "2001-10-03T00:15:44Z")
I have detested Kathleen Parker ever since I first came across her earlier this year. When she wrote a column that completely misrepresented a court opinion that I had already read, I wrote her editors to tell them she was lying and ask for a correction. She actually wrote back and defended the column while simultaneously conceding that, no, the court really hadn’t said what she claimed it said. Basically, her defense boiled down to an argument that the falsehood about the court’s holding was okay because what had happened to the defendants was a bad thing anyway. So much for responsible journalism, huh? I won’t post my correspondence with her, but I’d be happy to pass it along if anyone wants to email me. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/29 "2001-10-03T01:05:44Z")
This is from last week’s Savage Love column. It has nothing to do directly with Kathleen Parker (whom I consider to be a twit anyway), but I think it’s appropriate: > [@](#): > > Confidential to all folks who are mad at me for doubting the existence of a loving God who hears our prayers and gets off His ass every once in a while and helps us out down here: Did you see the picture of the sobbing eight-year-old boy bent over his mother’s casket in the Tuesday, September 18, 2001, issue of The New York Times? The boy’s mother was a single parent, and he’s an only child. I challenge everyone who wrote in to tell me that “God doesn’t give us anything we can’t handle” (especially the dozens of you who sent me that infuriating one-set-of-footprints story) to sit and stare at that picture for an hour and then tell me there’s a loving God up there somewhere. Oh, I’ll grant you that there might be a God or a higher power or something. But a loving God/higher power/something? Don’t make me puke. My sentiments exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/30 "2001-10-03T02:15:58Z")
Whenever someone says “there are no atheists in foxholes” I always quote Dennis Miller: “Nobody becomes born-again on prom night.” ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/31 "2001-10-03T02:19:03Z")
**ME** Truly masterful! Very little wasted space. My hat’s off to you(if I wore one). Just the fact that **DDG** jumped in to bash Kathleen would indicate that she{Kathleen} is an opportunistic whore who just has a gift of gab that article-starved editors of “in-your-face-papers” would publish. Hey, **Big SUV**! As Jesus said, when describing the Romans, > [@](#): > > don’t let the door hit you in the \*ss on the way out! . NO, really! He said that. It’s in one of the books of the apocrypha! I have a copy, right here in my coat pocket(thumping his breast pocket). Joseph Welch, indeed! (Meanwhile, I have e-mailed a buddy who knows about early rock music and publishers, and am trying to find an answer to your other post to the board.) See, it’s nothing personal. You just have to think before you speak. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/32 "2001-10-03T02:32:03Z")
> [@](#): > > I think what she’s missing is that atheists are being quiet out of respect for everyone else who might hold religious beliefs. So are those of us who are religious, but non-Christian. I’m Pagan. And for all really public religious memorials that have been going on lately, polytheism really hasn’t been represented much, if at all. But we’re quiet about it, because right now, it’s just the respectful thing to do. Besides, monotheists are in the majority, and I just don’t feel like stirring up more trouble. I’ll leave that to the jackoffs like Falwell and Robertson. My silence isn’t because I worship the God of Abraham. It’s because _a gozillion other people do,_ and those folks need him right now. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/33 "2001-10-03T02:53:54Z")
::standing and applauding:: Amen, brother, amen! My boss is a bit of a fundie and he was spouting nearly some of the same kinds of things you were blasting in your OP. Of course, I can’t tell him that it was that kind of mentality (followed by his comments of, “We just need to turn the whole of the Mid-East into a giant parking lot.”) that “inspired” those lunatics to hijack a couple of planes and fly them into the WTC and the Pentagon. I don’t _care_ what kind of religion you are, just don’t try and cram it down my throat! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/34 "2001-10-03T04:53:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Revtim \* > **Whenever someone says “there are no atheists in foxholes”…** …I say, “There are no heterosexuals in foxholes, either.” Oh, and ME? I wish I had a spare month to dedicate to memorizing that rant and learning to recite it on command. It rivals Shakespeare in its concision and evocativeness. A bravura performance. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/35 "2001-10-03T05:59:24Z")
ME, it was a masterful rant, a thing of beauty. And I’m _really_ not trying to detract from that. Really. Thumbs up. A great rant. However, I’ve just gotta tease you a little bit… (Forgive me!) > [@](#): > > Well, I’m sorry if there was any collateral damage to any of the Good Christians. I’ll remember to use the “collateral damage” line the next time I say something offensive about a large group of people’s beliefs! 😉 > [@](#): > > As Mars Horizon notes, if all believers were as decent as Polycarp or Duck Duck Goose or you, then the worst things atheists would likely say about religious belief would be to express polite disagreements in the course of earnest and well-reasoned discussions of the Meaning of Life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. “But I didn’t mean _your_ mindless little superstitions!” “Some of my best friends have mindless little superstitions!” Yeah. OK. Uh huh. No really. Whatever. I’m sorta teasing, ME. I know this woman deserved every bit of hostility you directed at her. But I have to confess, I can’t get real enthusiastic about being “collateral damage”. But still. The rant was a thing of poetry and beauty. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/36 "2001-10-03T06:46:45Z")
_I_ have well-reasoned beliefs. _You_ have articles of religious faith. _She_ has mindless little superstitions. See? Or, um, how about this: “There are no atheists in foxholes.” “All patriotic Americans believe in God.” “This country was founded as a Christian Nation.” _Those_ are “mindless little superstitions”. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/37 "2001-10-03T07:39:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MEBuckner \* > > Or, um, how about this: “There are no atheists in foxholes.” “All patriotic Americans believe in God.” “This country was founded as a Christian Nation.” > > _Those_ are “mindless little superstitions”. No prob, ME. However, I don’t think any of the quotes you give above fit the description of “mindless little superstitions” - they are just untrue and stupid assumptions. “Mindless”? Yes. “Stupid”? Yes. “Superstitions”? No. I don’t see anything that resembles the definition of a “superstition” in those statements, unless I misunderstand the meaning of “superstition”. But that’s a small point, compared to the main thrust of your rant. I understand and appreciate what you are trying to say about this woman, and don’t want to detract from it any further. Carry on! ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/38 "2001-10-03T08:00:53Z")
Superstition == a notion maintained despite evidence to the contrary. One fine fucking rant == the OP. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/39 "2001-10-03T08:50:28Z")
From [dictionary.com](http://dictionary.com): > [@](#): > > su·per·sti·tion (spr-stshn) > n. > > 1. An irrational belief that an object, action, or circumstance not logically related to a course of events influences its outcome. > 2. > > a. A belief, practice, or rite irrationally maintained by ignorance of the laws of nature or by faith in magic or chance. > b. A fearful or abject state of mind resulting from such ignorance or irrationality. > c. Idolatry. There are a few other definitions listed, mostly simular to this one. And yes, agreed - a splendid rant. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2001, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935/40 "2001-10-03T19:44:40Z")
**Persephone** said: > [@](#): > > My silence isn’t because I worship the God of Abraham. It’s because a gozillion other people do, and those folks need him right now. Exactly. And pardon me for leaving out people of other, non-Judeo-Christian faiths. It was more my intention to slide in alongside the OPer. But you’re absolutely correct. I’ve heard few to no complaints about outpourings of YHVH-love from other religious groups. **matt\_mcl** said: > [@](#): > > I say, “There are no heterosexuals in foxholes, either.” I rarely “laugh out loud” at things I read on this board, but I really liked this. Thanks, bub. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-kathleen-parker-i-got-yer-fuckin-god-right-here/84935.md?page=3)