# Hey lady, tomorrow I'm coming to shit on your lawn! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 1, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476 "2001-08-01T14:45:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/1 "2001-08-01T14:45:49Z")
I live in a rather rural neighborhood. All the houses have good size yards. My lot is small compared to the rest on the street. My dog stays in the fenced-in back yard. I play with my son in the front yard. This worked out well until recently. For the past couple of weeks I have been finding dog shit in my front yard. Maybe my dog is getting out, I think. Then this morning I find the answer: Woman down the street takes walks in the morning with her unleashed lab. I happen to be standing outside when she walks by. Her dog procedes to walk onto my yard and take a big old shit. As I yell to the woman “Are you gonna clean that up?”, **she waves at me and keeps on walking** like she didn’t even hear me when I know she did. What a fucking insensitive bitch. In the first place, keep your dog on a leash you pig fucker. My son has been bit by a dog before and it terrifies him when a large one comes running at him in his own yard. In the second place, why can’t you let your dog shit in your own yard? I keep mine behind a fence so my son can have a clean yard to play on without having to worry about rolling in dog shit. You have ruined that for me, you saggy breasted weasel. And finally, clean up after your dog if you must take him walking with you. Especially IF YOU HAVE JUST BEEN BUSTED! Don’t pretend like you can’t hear me. Because of your inconsiderate behavior, you will now and forever more be known as “dog shit lady” in the Xizor house, and I will be retaliating in a not so pleasant fashion. You, dog shit lady, are lower than the corn and peanuts in your dog’s turds. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/2 "2001-08-01T14:53:02Z")
I live in North Hollywood, not exactly rural America. I’ve seen a guy walk his dog and let him crap on the aprtment’s lawns. He then put the dog into his SUV. It dawned on me. **He doesn’t live in this neighborhood!! He drove here to let his dog shit!!** Next time, I’m gonna pick up that doo, and smeeeaaarr it on his drivers side window! ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/3 "2001-08-01T14:53:17Z")
Nothing pisses off responsible dog owners like fuckknobs who are irresponsible dog owners. Whenever I take marge out for her business, I bring three or four bags because I pick up OTHER PEOPLE’S dog shit in the neighborhood to keep it POSSIBLE for me to have a dog there. I say set up a lawn chair one morning and sit there and wait for her with a bullhorn. THEN ask her if she’s going to clean it up. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/4 "2001-08-01T14:53:41Z")
Your best bet is to construct a trebuchet in your yard, conveniently aimed at her home, and keep a shovel handy. Either she’ll learn, or you’ll be able to provide her a free brown paint job over the course of a couple years. Imagine the pleasure of pulling the pin, and watching her mutt’s feces being catapulted through the air, hitting her front door with a satisfying splatter. For maximum effect, get it while it’s wet. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/5 "2001-08-01T14:56:29Z")
I definitely think that you should transport her dog’s shit to her yard (preferably doorstep) every day. Maybe she’ll get the hint. That or throw it at her. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/6 "2001-08-01T15:02:12Z")
How rude can you be? Do you know where she lives? If so, you can give her a call or drop her a letter explaining that your son is afraid of dogs and you are asking that she leash her dog when she walks it. (at least near your house) In addition, you would ask that if her dog defecates in your hard that she clean it up. Save this letter or send it with a reciept confirmation. (better yet, cc the dog warden) It is amazing how people will react when you confront them with their crazy behavior. I have been known to pick up the phone and call my neighbors and say “Hello there! Ruger (their little bastard dog that they let run loose) just dug into my garbage and strew it all over the driveway. He said he wants you to come on over and help him clean it up. Thanks!” (It worked- the neighbor came over, cleaned the garbage and stayed to chat after. He now does not run loose on Mondays, garbage day) I’ve called the same neighbor to let her know that her dog accidently pooped in the wrong yard and since I would want to know if **mine** did that so I could come clean it up, I thought I’d let her know. (mine would never do that- they’re fenced and don’t run free) Again, she complied. Let her know (not in an angry way,just factually) that what is happening is unacceptable and see what happens. She’ll probably be so embarassed that she’ll avoid your yard at all costs. If not, go take a big shit in the front yard. I would. Zette [Edited by Coldfire on 08-01-2001 at 10:07 AM] ---
**Author:** ![Waneman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/71e660/32.png) [@Waneman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waneman)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/7 "2001-08-01T15:15:51Z")
I have to agree with **Zette** on this one despite a great deal of laughter I found in the other posts. I am usually one to give people the benefit of the doubt. If she were to wave at me, I might figure she has a disability and maybe she only heard noise and saw you were talking to her and waived figuring you were saying, “Good Morning! Thanks for contributing to our cause!” Anyway, a visit to her house and a quick face to face would confirm and either outcome. If, in the end, she hears just fine, tell her how you feel about her dogs actions in your yard. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/8 "2001-08-01T15:27:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > **I say set up a lawn chair one morning and sit there and wait for her with a bullhorn. THEN ask her if she’s going to clean it up.** A bullhorn and a camera. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/9 "2001-08-01T15:32:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manservant Hecubus \* > Your best bet is to construct a **trebuchet** in your yard, conveniently aimed at her home, and keep a shovel handy. Either she’ll learn, or you’ll be able to provide her a free brown paint job over the course of a couple years. > > Imagine the pleasure of pulling the pin, and watching her mutt’s feces being catapulted through the air, hitting her front door with a satisfying splatter. > > For maximum effect, get it while it’s wet. (emphasis mine) Please, update yourself ! [This](http://www.ambient.on.ca/cpunk/chickencannon.html) baby would do a much better job (depending on range). 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/10 "2001-08-01T15:42:47Z")
Amateurs. Call [this guy in England](http://www.manatarmsbooks.com/trebuchet.html), and sling her entire fuckin’ house a few miles south. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/11 "2001-08-01T16:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by detop \* > \*\* > Please, update yourself ! [This](http://www.ambient.on.ca/cpunk/chickencannon.html) baby would do a much better job (depending on range). 😃 \*\* Chicken cannon? That is for petty 3rd world dictators. Any Doper knows that the [goat launcher [sup]tm[/sup]](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=41020) is the way to go. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/12 "2001-08-01T16:04:30Z")
See, _this_ is why you guys are amateurs. If you build a trebuchet, constructed to the original standards, you may well be able to get a grant from Public Broadcasting to buy the materials, and a documentary filmed. Imagine the joy of your shit-splattering adventure caught on tape and aired nationwide! ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/13 "2001-08-01T16:11:19Z")
Oh yeah, sure. Get PBS to finance your trebuchet. Great toy, but once its over, what do you do with it ? At least with the chicken cannon, you can park it in the garage, waiting for the next time it’s needed. Although I must admit that the goat launcher[sup]tm[/sup] idea is attractive also, IMHO, depending on the payload, either one is suitable. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/14 "2001-08-01T17:22:10Z")
Don’t even get me started on these fucks. I hate people who let their dogs shit on other people’s lawns! Last summer, I was taking a shower, and something out the window on our front lawn caught my eye (yes, I can see out the window from my shower.) I looked, at it was a guy in my front yard! This was at about 6:30 am, so I was immediately suspicious. He was waaaay into our lawn, almost to our house, just standing there. I continue to watch, and he eventually walks away - with a dog on leash. It dawns on me - this guy walked _almost up to our house, and let his dog SHIT there!_ I couldn’t believe it. Sure enough, there was a huuuuge pile of shit in our yard. Over the next few weeks, I found even more. I couldn’t catch him, though. I used to hang out at the front windows waiting for him to come by so I could go yell at him, but he’d never come by while I was watching. Someone must have yelled at him, though, since this summer we’ve had no problem, and I’ve seen him walking with shit bags now. Another incident - last Sunday, Mr. Athena and I were at Rocky Mountain National Park. For those of you who don’t know, you can bring your dog into a national park, but you can’t let them out of your car. Up at almost the top of the road - like close to 12,000 feet up - I see some idiot with two dogs on leashes, walking the dogs on the tundra. ARRRGGHHH! There’s only one reason you’d do that - to let your dogs shit or urinate. The thought of walking out into Rocky Mountain National Park and accidentally stepping in someone’s dog shit just makes me want to puke. I almost made Mr. Athena stop the car and turn around so I could yell at this dumb fuck, but I didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/15 "2001-08-01T18:06:48Z")
This stuff really burns me, since I make a point of always picking up after my dog. We have a Newfoundland who runs about 165-170 pounds (yeah, I know, he needs a diet but I’m a sucker for big brown eyes). While Newfs are fairly efficient, they still leave substantial poops which are readily identifiable (more on this in a minute). So I always make sure that I have **two** bags with me whenever Angus & I are out for a stroll, and he is never allowed to shit on someone’s lawn or flowers. It doesn’t matter if you pick it up, it’s still rude. The problem is the other dog owners in the neigborhood. Any parent of a big dog will tell you that the biggest dog in the neighborhood usually gets blamed for everything. So, occasionally we will find a bag of crap deposited on our lawn or porch **that didn’t come out of my dog!!!** Sometimes it’s almost as small as cat shit, yet they think my dog did it. Angus has never shit that small, even when he was born! Don’t you dare assume it was my dog! And I know it’s an assumption, because you sure as hell didn’t see it! We had renters in the house next door (another rant for another day) who would just open the front door and let the dog charge out, cross the street and shit anywhere he wanted on a big grassy park-type piece of land in out tract. Yes, the same place where our dogs and kids play! Even when she saw me watching, she just turned and walked away! Bitch! So I bagged the poop and dropped it on her doorstep. It sat there for a few days, then she took it and moved it across the street to the park! Trash can just too good for it, huh? These self-center idiots have no idea. Here’s a revenge thought- heard about a guy who would drive to a park, let his three standard poodles out of his white Cadillac and let them run around and poop while he stayed in the car with the motor running, reading the paper. One day, a neighbor who had had enough ran over and picked up the poop while the dogs were still playing, went over to the Cadi and smeared the poop all over the hood and windsheild! The engine was hot, so the smell was horrific, and the stuff was probably cooked on by the time he got somewhere to wash it off! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/16 "2001-08-01T19:16:36Z")
" . . . since this summer we’ve had no problem, and I’ve seen him walking with shit bags now." —Hey! That’s his wife and son you’re talking about! ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/17 "2001-08-01T19:30:18Z")
Fun Facts: This thread title is even funnier when you read it in Jerry Lewis’s voice. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/18 "2001-08-01T19:30:52Z")
Everytime I see something like this, I’m reminded of Jack Handy’s advice, “A jack-o-lantern with a knife in it’s head, and a note that says ‘This is you.’” on the front porch. 🙂 Maybe you could do the same thing… only with her dog’s poop? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cornflakes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@cornflakes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cornflakes)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/19 "2001-08-01T19:52:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zette \* > **It is amazing how people will react when you confront them with their crazy behavior. I have been known to pick up the phone and call my neighbors and say “Hello there! Ruger (their little bastard dog that they let run loose) just dug into my garbage and strew it all over the driveway. He said he wants you to come on over and help him clean it up. Thanks!” (It worked- the neighbor came over, cleaned the garbage and stayed to chat after. He now does not run loose on Mondays, garbage day)** Decades ago, a friend’s mom tried this and it didn’t work. The neighbors kept letting their dog out to dig through trash before locking it in the house while they went to work. She finally got her message across by placing one pound of ground beef mixed with several Ex-Lax on top of the trash in their can. Call it cruel, but she never had a problem with that dog again. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lady-tomorrow-im-coming-to-shit-on-your-lawn/74476/20 "2001-08-01T19:57:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pldennison \* > \*\*Fun Facts: This thread title is even funnier when you read it in Jerry Lewis’s voice. \*\* Hey Laaaaaaaaaadyyy! Tomorrow, I’m coming to shit on your lawn with the corn, and the peanuts, and the LAYVEN!