# Hey, let's be needlessly cruel: Shitty, no-talent child actors! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2007, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677 "2007-06-04T08:36:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/21 "2007-06-04T14:33:53Z")
Cindy Brady. No, I don’t know her real name. I don’t care enough to know it. And she is STILL whiney and Blonde. I’m amazed she still doesn’t wear those crummy pigtails. Oliver on the show was a better actor than Cindy. Hell, Tramp was a better actor. The two youngest Partridge’s. Tracey looked like she mighta coulda been a contender at some point, but her brother (weren’t there two of them–different actors?) was a dead loss. The kids on Everyone Loves Raymond–talk about filler! Did they ever have any lines? I just remember the twins always being taken up to bed. No words. I third the Olsen twins. There is something wrong with their facial phsyiognomy (spelling?)–they look like human ferrets to me. I cannot see where they got their billions from. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/22 "2007-06-04T14:49:19Z")
Anyone remember DJ from Roseanne, terrible child actor. I did not watch the Olsen Twin show, but they were annoying. I agree on Cindy from the Brady Bunch being exceptionally bad. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Fiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e274bd/32.png) [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/23 "2007-06-04T14:56:12Z")
[QUOTE=Jess] Child actors aren’t hired because they can _act_, they’re hired because they look appropriate for the part; because they are capable of spending the required amount of time on the set without melting down; because they are capable of parroting back the lines they need to speak; and because they can dependably do as they are told – not just during shooting and rehearsal, but also during the hang-around-waiting-to-work part of the day. [/QUOTE] My college roommate watched _Family Ties,_ and told me he’d noticed that someone always contrived to tap Brian Bonsall on the back right before his character left any scene. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/24 "2007-06-04T14:56:35Z")
[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir] I didn’t mind the kid from the Kubrick movie so much. But the kid who played the same role in the TV miniseries a few years ago was really annoying. Same one who did an ad for Disney not long before - very chubby cheeks and a googly-eyed look that drove me up the wall. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I hate that kid. He totally ruined the miniseries for me. The poofy cheeks, buck teeth, and his style of delivery drove me nuts. He was way too perky to play Danny. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/25 "2007-06-04T14:57:54Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] The kids on Everyone Loves Raymond–talk about filler! Did they ever have any lines? I just remember the twins always being taken up to bed. No words. [/QUOTE] Ugh. My wife loved that show. I remember there was an episode that focused on the eldest daughter, who is just as awful. Unsurprisingly, the twins are her real life brothers. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/26 "2007-06-04T15:03:21Z")
[QUOTE=Annie-Xmas] Two words: Wesley Crusher [/QUOTE] Wil Wheaton wasn’t a bad actor at all. The character was irritating and out of place, but Wheaton did as good a job as anyone could have done playing him. I mean, you can’t tell me he’s a worse actor than Johnathan Frakes or Gates McFadden. And in any case, calling Wil Wheaton a “child actor” on Star Trek is pushing the definition pretty hard; he was 15 when the series began and 22 when he was done with it. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/27 "2007-06-04T15:04:15Z")
Larry Matthews as Richie on **The Dick Van Dyck Show**. Great television, but he really could only play one note, and it was flat. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/28 "2007-06-04T15:06:13Z")
[QUOTE=Dante] Ugh. My wife loved that show. I remember there was an episode that focused on the eldest daughter, who is just as awful. Unsurprisingly, the twins are her real life brothers. [/QUOTE] I liked the wife in that show, but Raymond was a total putz. Who would marry him? I preferred his older brother… I didn’t watch it much, but once on a flight home from UK, I got to watch 6 shows back to back. Sort of an immersion course in bad child acting. And the “kids” on Friends were horrible. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/29 "2007-06-04T15:07:37Z")
[QUOTE=RealityChuck] Larry Matthews as Richie on **The Dick Van Dyck Show**. Great television, but he really could only play one note, and it was flat. [/QUOTE] [nitpick] Ritchie [/nitpick] Well, he did have two good shows: the one where he runs away because of Oliver and Stanley; and the one where the woodpecker was attacking him. Oh, and the Rosebud one was his finest hour. The cupcake episode and his breakage of Rob’s Saddle and Spurs aftershave were lame indeed… ---
**Author:** ![Capatalist\_Lion\_Tamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71c47a/32.png) [@Capatalist\_Lion\_Tamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capatalist_Lion_Tamer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/30 "2007-06-04T15:09:16Z")
[QUOTE=Dante] Ugh. My wife loved that show. I remember there was an episode that focused on the eldest daughter, who is just as awful. Unsurprisingly, the twins are her real life brothers. [/QUOTE] On ELR, the twins and older sister are real-life siblings. ---
**Author:** ![Capatalist\_Lion\_Tamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71c47a/32.png) [@Capatalist\_Lion\_Tamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capatalist_Lion_Tamer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/31 "2007-06-04T15:11:04Z")
[QUOTE=Capatalist Lion Tamer] On ELR, the twins and older sister are real-life siblings. [/QUOTE] Wow, I can almost feel my IQ dropping as I sit here. Was that post changed, or have words lost all meaning to me? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/32 "2007-06-04T15:11:48Z")
Jake Lloyd was, for me, the most irritating thing about _The Phantom Menace_. Far more irritating than Jar-jar Binks. He screamed his lines and had a constant petulant pout. He looked ridiculous piloting machines he clearly wouldn’t have understood. Agree that the problem with Wesley Crusher was the character, not the actor. A teenage Olivier could not have made that role work. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/33 "2007-06-04T15:25:10Z")
[QUOTE=Capatalist Lion Tamer] On ELR, the twins and older sister are real-life siblings. [/QUOTE] God were those kids suck. The twins were downright creepy and the daughter was even worse than them. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/34 "2007-06-04T16:09:43Z")
[QUOTE=yellowval] Yeah, I hate that kid. He totally ruined the miniseries for me. The poofy cheeks, buck teeth, and his style of delivery drove me nuts. He was way too perky to play Danny. [/QUOTE] That was Courtland Mead. Very, very wrong for the part. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/35 "2007-06-04T16:38:55Z")
[QUOTE=vivalostwages] That was Courtland Mead. Very, very wrong for the part. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I just looked him up on imdb. He’s 20 now. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/36 "2007-06-04T17:10:05Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] [nitpick] Ritchie [/nitpick] Well, he did have two good shows: the one where he runs away because of Oliver and Stanley; and the one where the woodpecker was attacking him. Oh, and the Rosebud one was his finest hour. The cupcake episode and his breakage of Rob’s Saddle and Spurs aftershave were lame indeed… [/QUOTE] I actually came in to mention that kid too. Although I love the Oliver and Stanley episode, I have to turn down the volume every time he opens his mouth. Every single line he says he shrieks in an _intensely_ irritating nasal whine, and I never could understand why otherwise good parents didn’t either explain the concept of “inside voice” and “talking like a normal human being” or smack the crap out of him, which is what I’d like to do every time he shows up. NajaHusband won’t even stay in the same room if I’m watching the show and Ritchie starts talking. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/37 "2007-06-04T17:22:00Z")
Oh, and as a tangent to the Wil Wheaton commentary, I suspect a healthy part of the talent (or extreme lack thereof) of a child actor is the director. I was watching _Stand by Me_ again last night for the fifty jillionth time. Those kids, all four, are fantastic in that movie. There’s a great little special features documentary on the DVD that includes interviews with Rob Reiner and all the kids except River Phoneix. One thing they talk pretty extensively about is how terrible in general child actors are, and how you have to cast them pretty close to spot on in terms of their real personality lining up with the character, that kids just don’t have the skills and craft to act a role at all removed from their own personality. Also, they talked about how much time Reiner spent coaching them, playing theater games, getting them thoroughly comfortable with themselves and each other, and generally thoroughly directing them. It shows in the film, those kids do an amazing job and as Jerry O’Connell says “that wasn’t me acting,\* that’s all Rob Reiner”. \*Jerry O’Connell’s dubious adult acting skills notwithstanding. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/38 "2007-06-04T17:28:57Z")
[QUOTE=NajaNivea] \*Jerry O’Connell’s dubious adult acting skills notwithstanding. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but damn, can you believe how hot ol’ Vern Tessio turned out? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/39 "2007-06-04T17:31:31Z")
[QUOTE=eleanorigby] I third the Olsen twins. There is something wrong with their facial phsyiognomy (spelling?)–they look like human ferrets to me. I cannot see where they got their billions from. [/QUOTE] They looked like monkeys to me. But I always thought Cindy Brady (Susan Olsen) was pretty good, at least once she lost the lisp. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/40 "2007-06-04T17:43:57Z")
I knew within the first minute or so that _Silent Hill_ was going to be a terrible film when a sleepwalking [Jodelle Ferland](http://imdb.com/name/nm0272706/) starts to scream, “Silent HILL, MOM-MMY! SILLLLLLENT HILLLLLLLLLL!” Her performance in that film is without question the worst performance by any under-20 actor I have **ever** seen - it makes Jake Lloyd’s Episode I performance look like the works of a young Lawrence Olivier. Amazingly horrible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677.md?page=3)