# Hey, let's be needlessly cruel: Shitty, no-talent child actors! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2007, 8:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677 "2007-06-04T08:36:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/61 "2007-06-04T21:09:06Z")
[QUOTE=bluethree] Ha! I’m almost brought her up, but I figured nobody else would remember her. I can’t remember if she was really a bad actor or if she was just really annoying, with her loud whine and her constantly tattling on her brother. [/QUOTE] She was bad and annoying. But more bad than anything else. Everyone else in this thread is a Streep or Olivier compared to her. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/62 "2007-06-04T22:31:18Z")
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle] Yeah, but damn, can you believe how hot ol’ Vern Tessio turned out? :eek: [/QUOTE] You’re not kidding! NajaHusband did an honest-to-goodness spit-take. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/63 "2007-06-04T22:34:42Z")
Bonnie Langford in the TV series of Just William, found a character that seemed to match her acting style, so I’m not sure whether or not to include her. But, if we fast forward to her role as companion to Doctor Who, we can probably deduce that she would have been a bad child actor. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/64 "2007-06-04T22:36:29Z")
[QUOTE=The New and Improved Superman] This sounds terribly ironic to me, given that Corey Feldman plays the very troubled kid who is destined to go to jail, and Corey Feldman in real life was…well, a very troubled kid who would eventually get in serious legal trouble (with drugs, don’t know if he actually went to jail though.) [/QUOTE] Yup, that was the point–there’s chunks of the interview with the Corey and Rob Reiner discussing the same thing, along with Chris Chambers/River Phoenix and the peacemaker qualities, Vern Tessio/Jerry O’Connell being a dorky goofball, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/65 "2007-06-05T00:43:37Z")
[QUOTE=bluethree] Ha! I’m almost brought her up, but I figured nobody else would remember her. I can’t remember if she was really a bad actor or if she was just really annoying, with her loud whine and her constantly tattling on her brother. [/QUOTE] Yeah, Dee was a bad actor but I don’t think she really whined. I loved the way she made a profit off of being a tattletale though – that’s enterprising!! It wasn’t until I was older that I realized she wasn’t just doing a deadpan delivery. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/66 "2007-06-05T00:58:52Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] Whomever the littlest Keaton was on Family Ties. The blonde girl. And Mallory, too. REally, it should have been the Alex Keaton Show. [/QUOTE] Recent pictures of Justine Bateman, are, to put it euphemistically, not flattering at all. I dunno what happened to her, but the pics I saw were shocking, to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/67 "2007-06-05T01:06:58Z")
Any child actor with that fucking Adam Rich soupbowl monstrocity of a pseudo-haircut. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/68 "2007-06-05T02:02:10Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] Recent pictures of Justine Bateman, are, to put it euphemistically, not flattering at all. I dunno what happened to her, but the pics I saw were shocking, to say the least. [/QUOTE] She looked pretty good on _Arrested Development_ I thought. Another one for Danielle Spencer. In every scene she sounds like she’s reading the script for the very first time (though Fred ‘Rerun’ Berry had perhaps the worst comic timing on the show). The Murphy twins- Tabitha from _Bewitched_- were pretty bad as well, also “just say the line and look at Elizabeth” acting. Claude Jarman from _The Yearling_. Had I been Jane Wyman (which I very nearly was, but an elderly woman beat me to it) I’d have let the deer live and shot him (and he won an Oscar!). Edward Furlong was one of the whiniest performances I’ve ever seen in _Terminator 2_, and the reason Brad Renfro gave a natural performance in _The Client_ was he wasn’t acting: he’s sucked in almost everything else. Trivia: Did you know that DJ from _Roseanne_ (mentioned earlier) had a kid of his own before the show was over? It was born when he was about 17. He’s still with the mother and they have another kid now. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/69 "2007-06-05T02:38:31Z")
I have to chime in to add to Wil Wheaton’s defense, too. It was the character Wesley Crusher, even WW hated the character. Read his blog and you’ll find he’s just a normal well-intentioned geek like the rest of us. Hate the character, not the actor. And he was good in Stand By Me. Let’s not stop at the Olsen Twins, all the kids in that show were terrible especially the middle one. She had one facial expression - annoying grimace. Yes, I watched it but I was young and I thought John Stamos was hot. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/70 "2007-06-05T03:40:41Z")
Michael Oliver, who played Junior in “Problem Child”(1990), alongside John Ritter. According to IMDB his career in film was short, thank heavens. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/71 "2007-06-05T05:50:39Z")
[QUOTE=John DiFool] Recent pictures of Justine Bateman, are, to put it euphemistically, not flattering at all. I dunno what happened to her, but the pics I saw were shocking, to say the least. [/QUOTE] Not as bad as all that, but in [this picture](http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/tribeca/tribeca_film_festival_2006_photos/justine_bateman/tribeca06_tvsets.jpg) she seems to have a serious case of “smoker’s face.” (Stay away from the cigs, kids!) ---
**Author:** ![Achren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Achren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achren)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/72 "2007-06-05T06:07:24Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] I don’t know who this girl is, or if the commerical is still running somewhere out there, but the **Welch’s** Grape Juice Girl not only was horrid, she frightened me more than a car full of zombies. [/QUOTE] Yay, I’m not alone! I loathe that commercial and no one here understands why. I second Raven-Symone. Yikes. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/73 "2007-06-05T11:38:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sampiro] Trivia: Did you know that DJ from _Roseanne_ (mentioned earlier) had a kid of his own before the show was over? It was born when he was about 17. He’s still with the mother and they have another kid now. [/QUOTE] Wow. Just wow. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/74 "2007-06-05T11:40:41Z")
[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest] I don’t know who this girl is, or if the commerical is still running somewhere out there, but the **Welch’s** Grape Juice Girl not only was horrid, she frightened me more than a car full of zombies. [/QUOTE] Word. She tops my list of kids I don’t want to be in the same room with. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/75 "2007-06-05T12:03:40Z")
[QUOTE=BMax] If you’ve seen _Angel Heart_ then you’ll know that there were a few years when she didn’t need to act, just show up in a wet T- shirt. [/QUOTE] This Wet Shirt Rule must be all that is required by Hollywood today in picking starlets. and how Sharon Stone gots herself a job. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/76 "2007-06-05T12:15:20Z")
Joey Lawrence. And Matthew Lawrence. ---
**Author:** ![Martha\_Medea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/43a26b/32.png) [@Martha\_Medea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martha_Medea)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/77 "2007-06-05T12:15:32Z")
[QUOTE=spoke-] Not as bad as all that, but in [this picture](http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/tribeca/tribeca_film_festival_2006_photos/justine_bateman/tribeca06_tvsets.jpg) she seems to have a serious case of “smoker’s face.” (Stay away from the cigs, kids!) [/QUOTE] Oh come on - nothing that a better haircut and a good makeup job won’t fix - although admittedly she’s no longer youthful! ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/78 "2007-06-05T16:09:40Z")
[QUOTE=Martha] Oh come on - nothing that a better haircut and a good makeup job won’t fix - although admittedly she’s no longer youthful! [/QUOTE] Agreed. My point was that she is not as bad as **John DiFool** was implying – but that she obviously shows the effects of a long-term smoking habit. Smoking ages your face; no getting around it. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/79 "2007-06-05T16:18:08Z")
[QUOTE=BMax] Remember [troll dolls](http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=troll+doll&gbv=2)? the ones with the plastic faces and the fake fur hair. The [Olsen twins](http://www.classicmoviekids.com/images/o/olsentwins/olsentwins304.jpg) looked like real-life troll dolls. [/QUOTE] Yes! But I LIKED my trolls… I liked the Keaton kids, until the youngest (is that the equivalent of jumping the shark–bringing Aw, cute! toddlers onto fading shows? Cosby did it, too–Rudi was awful and then they brought yet one more rugrat on…) came along. Joanie on Happy Days was annoying and not so great in the acting dept, and Chotchie (sp?) was in a class by himself–remedial. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2007, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677/80 "2007-06-05T16:33:59Z")
[QUOTE=Lemur866] I think DJ falls into a particular group: The kid who was hired when they were 4 years old and were essentially a living prop, but the series lived on for several years afterward and it became increasingly clear that the kid is no better at acting than they were at 4. [/QUOTE] No kidding. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen someone who fits that description so gorram _well_ though. Even the Olsen twins on _Full House_ picked up a little something during their run. DJ (Michael Fishman) just never, ever got better. Why they decided to involve him in plots (getting a girlfriend), I’ll never know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-lets-be-needlessly-cruel-shitty-no-talent-child-actors/406677.md?page=5)