# Hey Mr. Dumass, its time to hang up your cell phone when... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 3, 2005, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601 "2005-10-03T16:53:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/1 "2005-10-03T16:53:13Z")
**You ARE Driving the WRONG WAY DOWN A ONE WAY STREET WITH A SHITLOAD OF ON COMING TRAFFIC YOU IGNORANT FUCK** yeah for real, dude was STILL talking on his cell while traveling North on 2nd ave in Seattle, for those unfamilliar 2nd ave is a major Southbound one way. I am curious what you talk about while dodging oncoming cars you know instead of haning up and pulling your dumbass over to the far left (his right). while I am at it, Dear Mr, H2, if you cant manage to park your mobile studio apartment in one stall perhaps you should find some place else to park other than the buildings one handicapped stall, I know yesterday you were only taking up half of the handicapped stall but today you must have decided that the handicapped parking stall was for people to fucking dumb to park in a regular stall. (yes his h2 would fit in a regular stall, yes there is alot of parking within in a half block, yes this would mean he would have to walk for like 15 seconds to get into the building, no I havent ever actually been present to see him park or I would give him a free lesson in how to park a fucking car) ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/2 "2005-10-03T16:58:03Z")
I passed one the other day on the highway. Cell in one hand, cigarette AND food in the other. Must have been driving with his dick. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/3 "2005-10-03T18:52:25Z")
Last week I saw a cell-talking driver hit a kid that was crossing (on his bicycle) with the light. The driver was coming from the same direction as the kid and turned right, running straight over the front of the bike and throwing the kid to the ground. (The guy was holding his phone in his right hand, so I think it may have affected his peripheral vision as well as his attention.) The thing is, the guy pulled over and continued his conversation. (Well, I’m pretty sure the _topic_ had changed, but the guy just sat there, talking, while the kid was laying in the road.) By the time I closed the distance, the kid had gotten up, noted that his bike was totalled (but he seemed to be pretty much intact, fortunately) and was tentatively walking towards the car and peering in. I wonder if this jerkoff has changed his behaviour at all after getting that little wake-up call. ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/4 "2005-10-03T19:06:06Z")
> [@Critical1](#): > > **Hey Mr. Dumass, its time to hang up your cell phone when…** Is this the one (pere) who wrote “The Count of Monte Cristo” or was it the one (fils) who wrote “La Dame Aux Camelias”? 🙂 His wife had called him to tell him to take another route home because an idiot was driving the wrong way down the road. His reply, of course: “One idiot? Try hundreds of them!” It’s an old joke I know… ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/5 "2005-10-04T00:12:52Z")
> [@Plynck](#): > > Is this the one (pere) who wrote “The Count of Monte Cristo” or was it the one (fils) who wrote “La Dame Aux Camelias”? 🙂 Neither. And his name is “du-MAWS”! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/6 "2005-10-04T00:29:34Z")
> [@Critical1](#): > > Dear Mr, H2, > > if you cant manage to park your mobile studio apartment in one stall perhaps you should find some place else to park other than the buildings one handicapped stall, I know yesterday you were only taking up half of the handicapped stall but today you must have decided that the handicapped parking stall was for people to fucking dumb to park in a regular stall. (yes his h2 would fit in a regular stall, yes there is alot of parking within in a half block, yes this would mean he would have to walk for like 15 seconds to get into the building, no I havent ever actually been present to see him park or I would give him a free lesson in how to park a fucking car) Drop a dime on him next time. Let him pay a towing charge and an impound fee. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/7 "2005-10-04T00:38:21Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Drop a dime on him next time. Let him pay a towing charge and an impound fee. That is, unfortunately, not always that easy. On a recent trip to the vet, I had a lot of trouble getting into the lot owing to an illegally parked white BMW blocking half of the entrance/exit of the lot. The lot has signs posted with the number for a towing company, so I called them. They told me that only an authorized person can call in an illegally parked car in the lot. So my attempt to make that asshole pay was stymied :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/8 "2005-10-04T01:20:34Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > They told me that only an authorized person can call in an illegally parked car in the lot. So my attempt to make that asshole pay was stymied :mad: Why didn’t you just call the police? That’s what they’re there for, after all. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/9 "2005-10-04T01:24:54Z")
vandal’s haiku mysteriuosly placed sharp objects pierce overpriced Bavarian tires ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/10 "2005-10-04T01:30:38Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > vandal’s haiku > > mysteriuosly placed > sharp objects pierce > overpriced Bavarian tires You’ve given my life meaning. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/11 "2005-10-04T03:33:43Z")
> [@Boggette](#): > > I passed one the other day on the highway. Cell in one hand, cigarette AND food in the other. Must have been driving with his dick. Nah. You drive with your knee, saving your dick for turn signals or a downshifting a column automatic. Could never get my dick to work a 3-on-the-tree manual, though. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/12 "2005-10-04T05:13:31Z")
I saw a dump truck driver turning left (from a stop) with a sandwich in his right hand and a cell phone in his left. From what I could tell he was shifting with his elbow, but I really don’t know how he was steering. Must have an extra hand in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/13 "2005-10-04T05:52:32Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > On a recent trip to the vet, I had a lot of trouble getting into the lot owing to an illegally parked white BMW blocking half of the entrance/exit of the lot. The lot has signs posted with the number for a towing company, so I called them. They told me that only an authorized person can call in an illegally parked car in the lot. So my attempt to make that asshole pay was stymied :mad: Two words: social engineering. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/14 "2005-10-04T11:10:20Z")
> [@Q.E.D.](#): > > Why didn’t you just call the police? That’s what they’re there for, after all. Would the police come for a car parked improperly on a private parking lot? It was not quite clear to me whether the offending car was on the street, or actually in the lot itself. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/15 "2005-10-04T12:55:35Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Would the police come for a car parked improperly on a private parking lot? I’d think they might if it were blocking fire access or a handicapped spot. Otherwise, probably not. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/16 "2005-10-04T14:00:36Z")
> [@Critical1](#): > > if you cant manage to park your mobile studio apartment… A cartoon I enjoy referred to them as “a gated community on wheels.” ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/17 "2005-10-04T14:08:10Z")
> [@Boggette](#): > > I passed one the other day on the highway. Cell in one hand, cigarette AND food in the other. Must have been driving with his dick. Don’t be ridiculous. Men who drive Hummers don’t have dicks. Thus the need to drive a Hummer. ---
**Author:** ![Boggette](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/858c86/32.png) [@Boggette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boggette)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/18 "2005-10-04T15:52:32Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Nah. You drive with your knee, saving your dick for turn signals or a downshifting a column automatic. Could never get my dick to work a 3-on-the-tree manual, though. 😛 I’d pay to see that! ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/19 "2005-10-04T17:06:47Z")
I used to have the knee-jerk anti-SUV instinct, but as I’ve known a few people with SUVs who actually do go camping and shopping for big barbecues and all that, I’ve grown out of it. However, peopel with Escalades and Hummers? Fuck them, tow 'em. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2005, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-mr-dumass-its-time-to-hang-up-your-cell-phone-when/324601/20 "2005-10-04T17:27:03Z")
> [@Anne Neville](#): > > That is, unfortunately, not always that easy. > > On a recent trip to the vet, I had a lot of trouble getting into the lot owing to an illegally parked white BMW blocking half of the entrance/exit of the lot. The lot has signs posted with the number for a towing company, so I called them. They told me that only an authorized person can call in an illegally parked car in the lot. So my attempt to make that asshole pay was stymied :mad: Important safety tip, **Critical1**. Contact the people in the building with the authority to call for the tow.