# Hey Sammy Sosa! Up your ass with a red hot poker! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 23, 2002, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274 "2002-08-23T18:37:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/1 "2002-08-23T18:37:27Z")
Dear Sammy, Listen, you 'roided freakshow… we are all sick and tired of your “Sammy hop”, not to mention your two-finger kiss-and-blow routine. Please. Stop. Now. I can’t believe that an opposing pitcher hasn’t taken offense to your antics and pumped a 95 mph fastball into your earhole. I lothe you. If the owners get random drug testing, two-finger kiss-and-blow your ass goodbye. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/2 "2002-08-23T19:33:48Z")
Is he allowed some Preparation H? ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/3 "2002-08-23T19:40:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Up your ass with a red hot poker! Yeah! Twice, even! ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/4 "2002-08-23T19:55:20Z")
I don’t know why, but that thread title has me in giggle fits. Man, if I could just get past this “asses are funny” thing. And this: > [@](#): > > two-finger kiss-and-blow your ass goodbye. Sounds very vaguely obscene. And erotic. And I’ve probably said too much. ---
**Author:** ![Beagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Beagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beagle)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/5 "2002-08-23T20:18:14Z")
> [@](#): > > pumped a 95 mph fastball into your earhole. OK, now I’m not the only one. This sounded, ah, euphemistic. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/6 "2002-08-23T21:23:19Z")
You’re comparing Sammy Sosa to Edward II? Esprix ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/7 "2002-08-23T21:40:34Z")
Wasn’t there some dude in one of those Chaucer stories that got a poker in his ass? We got to read the dirty ones since we were in the advanced class 😉 I guess asses are funny though. I mean, that “boot in yer ass” 9/11 song was pretty funny, but not in the way the author wanted. ---
**Author:** ![japatlgt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df705f/32.png) [@japatlgt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/japatlgt)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/8 "2002-08-23T22:16:43Z")
Really. He so roided 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/9 "2002-08-23T23:34:55Z")
Thread should be “…up your ass with a red-hot **polka**!” Its sublime and rhymes better. * * * My pet suffers from dyslexia and a Christ complex. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/10 "2002-08-24T21:50:08Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > two-finger kiss-and-blow your ass goodbye. > > Sounds very vaguely obscene. And erotic. And I’ve probably said too much. Reminds me of George Carlin: > [@](#): > > _71_, which is _69_ with two fingers up your ass ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2002, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/11 "2002-08-24T22:25:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max \* > \*\*I can’t believe that an opposing pitcher hasn’t taken offense to your antics and pumped a 95 mph fastball into your earhole. > \*\* If I were a major-league pitcher (well, American League, anyway), I would be tempted to drill Jim Thome, what with that habit he has of slowly pointing his bat out toward the mound during his bat-waggling routine. Maybe if I was a _very large_ American League pitcher… ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/12 "2002-08-25T00:52:46Z")
If someone did stick a red hot poker up his ass, maybe he’d chase a fly ball once in a while. He plays outfield like he’s on a lounge chair with a drink in his hand. ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/13 "2002-08-25T01:03:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max \* > \*\*Dear Sammy, > > Listen, you 'roided freakshow…I can’t believe that an opposing pitcher hasn’t taken offense to your antics and pumped a 95 mph fastball into your earhole. > > If the owners get random drug testing, two-finger kiss-and-blow your ass goodbye. \*\* Of course, you have certified proof that he is on steroids, right? Right? CITE PLEASE. Personally I can’t believe that an opposing pitcher hasn’t taken offense to Rickey Henderson’s antics. ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/14 "2002-08-25T01:42:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \* > \*\* > If I were a major-league pitcher (well, American League, anyway), I would be tempted to drill Jim Thome, what with that habit he has of slowly pointing his bat out toward the mound during his bat-waggling routine. > Maybe if I was a _very large_ American League pitcher… \*\* Eh, as slow as Thome runs, and as dumb as he is, you could be halfway to Haiti before he even took a step towards the mound. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/15 "2002-08-25T05:33:29Z")
Sammy’s “antics” are not meant to show up the pitcher. I’ve never even heard of a pitcher (or any other player for that matter)taking offense. IIRC, the two-fingered thing is for his mother. Think about it; you know what happens to a guy with a reputation for being too big for his britches up at the plate. Sammy rarely catches one in the ear. He’s not a great fielder, but I don’t consider him a loafer. He runs them out. He tries. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/16 "2002-08-25T07:46:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\* > > Of course, you have certified proof that he is on steroids, right? > > Right? > CITE PLEASE. > > Personally I can’t believe that an opposing pitcher hasn’t taken offense to Rickey Henderson’s antics. \*\* Their ‘evidence’ is that he has muscles and can hit the ball a long way. Hard to argue with _that_ kind of logic. ---
**Author:** ![Coriolanus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coriolanus/32/18769_2.png) [@Coriolanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coriolanus)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/17 "2002-08-25T10:07:52Z")
:rolleyes: That’s me glancing up at spooje’s post. My sarcasm detector had to be set to the ‘subtle’ setting before displaying spooje is in Baseball Heaven. Sammy has Hustle. I won’t get to see him this year till the Cubs come to Shea late September. But I’ve been to Chicago and seen (and joined in) the cheering that dude gets when he sprints into Right Field. The Cubs fans know, at least when Kerry Wood heads for the mound and Sammy sprints into the outfield - that today they have a damn good chance of winning. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/18 "2002-08-25T17:55:21Z")
As a lifelong Cubs fan, this is difficult to say… Sammy blows on defense. Compare him to Jim Emonds of the Cardinals. When’s the last time Sammy dove for a ball? How many times does he misjudge? He should be used to the conditions at Wrigley by now. ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2002, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/19 "2002-08-25T20:22:36Z")
Sammy Sosa went from being a .200 hitter who struck out all the time to a 60 home run powerhouse how fast? Sorry, not buying it. Something’s not right–roids, HGH, corked bat, something. And yes, I am sick to death of all the cutesy things he does. Also, if he played outfield like that for the Phillies, he would have been clocked with a battery a couple years ago. Slight hijack, but I’d also like to know where the hell Brett Boone came from. He’s sneaking under the Bonds and Sosa radar of “hey, maybe this guy’s on roids”. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274/20 "2002-08-26T00:30:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ElwoodCuse \* > **Sammy Sosa went from being a .200 hitter who struck out all the time to a 60 home run powerhouse how fast?** Over the course of a few years. The main reason he is now a .300+ hitter is becuase he has trained himself to become much more disciplined at the plate. Used to, you couldn’t walk him if you tried. Now, he doesn’t swing at too many pitches out of the strike zone. That does more to explain the batting average than the home runs. I can’t really comment of the steroids thing because I just don’t know. I do hope MLB begins to test for steroids. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-sammy-sosa-up-your-ass-with-a-red-hot-poker/125274.md?page=2)