# hey, she was 18. yes i checked first. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 25, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631 "2005-01-25T19:37:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/21 "2005-01-25T21:12:43Z")
No way, Jose. Now I’m convinced that this is fiction. You NEVER woulda showed it to the girl. It reads too much like a notch on the belt and not at all like you are “struggling” about any kind of moral dilemma. ---
**Author:** ![moon\_lit\_night](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@moon\_lit\_night](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moon_lit_night)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/22 "2005-01-25T21:20:22Z")
but still creepy. Even if the roles were reversed there is just something creepy about a teenager and someone in their mid-forties taking their virginity. ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/23 "2005-01-25T21:24:04Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > On second thought, maybe you should also share this with your wife and 20 year old daughter. Did he say anywhere that he was still married to the mother of his child? If they’re divorced, she hardly has a say in the matter. I do have to echo the sentiment, though, that I wouldn’t be _too_ shocked if this were fiction. If he starts talking about a Swedish pyjama pants girl, I’m bailing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![josejones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5fc32e/32.png) [@josejones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/josejones)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/24 "2005-01-25T21:25:59Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > No way, Jose. Now I’m convinced that this is fiction. You NEVER woulda showed it to the girl. It reads too much like a notch on the belt and not at all like you are “struggling” about any kind of moral dilemma. and you’d be wrong. she was a little miffed over my mention of the “thank you”, but agreed it was at least a fair description. still it made her sound desperate or something and it shouldn’t have. she was miffed (and continues to be i gather since my phone has rung three times in the last 20 minutes) at people not being able to “keep their moral judgements off my nody”. then i reminded her she agreed to this post in the first plavce, which only calmed her down minimally. and SNenc - yes, agreed there is no plan on anyone’s part to turn this into a relationship. there was some hilarious conversation regarding prom, but it was clear we were both kidding. ---
**Author:** ![josejones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5fc32e/32.png) [@josejones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/josejones)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/25 "2005-01-25T21:26:16Z")
> [@JillGat](#): > > No way, Jose. Now I’m convinced that this is fiction. You NEVER woulda showed it to the girl. It reads too much like a notch on the belt and not at all like you are “struggling” about any kind of moral dilemma. and you’d be wrong. she was a little miffed over my mention of the “thank you”, but agreed it was at least a fair description. still it made her sound desperate or something and it shouldn’t have. she was miffed (and continues to be i gather since my phone has rung three times in the last 20 minutes) at people not being able to “keep their moral judgements off my body”. then i reminded her she agreed to this post in the first plavce, which only calmed her down minimally. and SNenc - yes, agreed there is no plan on anyone’s part to turn this into a relationship. there was some hilarious conversation regarding prom, but it was clear we were both kidding. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/26 "2005-01-25T21:33:16Z")
> [@josejones](#): > > i’m in a situation in my town where i have a “name” and people know me pretty well. . . . is that “name” e.e. cummings? ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/27 "2005-01-25T21:39:07Z")
> [@SNenc](#): > > Did he say anywhere that he was still married to the mother of his child? If they’re divorced, she hardly has a say in the matter. > > I do have to echo the sentiment, though, that I wouldn’t be _too_ shocked if this were fiction. If he starts talking about a Swedish pyjama pants girl, I’m bailing. 😃 Well, he was in bed with his wife last time he posted on the SDMB. But anyway, Jose, what was she wearing? And do you have a mustache? ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/28 "2005-01-25T21:39:27Z")
**josejones** , why did you post this anyway? I mean, you ask “am I a scoundrel or not” and indicate that, regardless of anyone’s answers, you don’t feel you are. What’s the whole point of bragging then asking? You probably knew you were going to get some mixed answers, so why ask at all? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/29 "2005-01-25T21:46:11Z")
The 45-and-18 part doesn’t skeeve me out. She’s 18, she can do what she wants. But the kiss-and-tell aspect of it does, even if the ‘telling’ is here, where the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. In doing so, you’ve shown yourself to be little better than the frat boys she eschewed in your favor. But I agree with **JillGat** - this is probably fiction: “Dear Penthouse, I never thought that something like this would happen to me…” ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/30 "2005-01-25T21:48:42Z")
Hmm. . . if **JillGat** (who is SDSAB or whatever the acroymn is, I think) is to be believed, I see a pattern in the OP’s posting, and I’m beginning to get suspicious in the credibility of this. ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/31 "2005-01-25T21:58:43Z")
**JillGat** is right: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5746705&postcount=74](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=5746705&postcount=74) Does mrs. jose know you cheated on her with a high school girl? ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/32 "2005-01-25T21:59:51Z")
Does the next chapter involve wearing pajamas and wild horses running through the surf on the beach, by any chance? ---
**Author:** ![josejones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5fc32e/32.png) [@josejones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/josejones)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/33 "2005-01-25T22:00:31Z")
> [@JimSox5](#): > > Hmm. . . if **JillGat** (who is SDSAB or whatever the acroymn is, I think) is to be believed, I see a pattern in the OP’s posting, and I’m beginning to get suspicious in the credibility of this. jill ought to read before commenting. in the post she’s referring to, i said i was asleep. not in bed WITH anyone. yes there’s a mrs. but how/where that figures in is not as simple as we’d all like it to be. leave it at this, if it was simple, no amount of temptation would have gotten me where i am now. as to why i posted this in the first place, i thought that was obvious. since this was kept between two people, we had only our own opinions about how others might view it. i was looking for dialogue, that’s all. and i got it. some of it made sense, yeah even the points of view i disagree with i can understand. others seem to have an awful lot of time on their hands with which to pick things like this apart. 16K+ posts? ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/34 "2005-01-25T22:30:45Z")
You asked for input and you got it. Don’t get all pissy because you didn’t hear what you wanted to. ---
**Author:** ![Elret](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Elret](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elret)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/35 "2005-01-25T22:35:28Z")
I have no problem with a 45 year old and an 18 year old having sex, myself. But something about this particular story does make me feel ooky, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I’m sure partly it’s that the thought of my dad “educating” someone 2 years my junior in that way bothers me a lot. And partly it’s that you claim you posted this here because neither of you were comfortable enough with your own assessment of whether it was ok, which makes me feel like either that’s a euphamism for “had to brag my face off”, or that you both _weren’t sure that it was a good thing to do_ which makes it, well, not really a good thing to do. There’s something else, about the way it’s told, that I just can’t quite put my finger on… ---
**Author:** ![Madd\_Maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Madd\_Maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Madd_Maxx)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/36 "2005-01-25T22:38:26Z")
> [@josejones](#): > > when she approached me this summer, part of my denial was to tell her to come back when she’s 18. her response was that well, then she had until december to work on me. i checked the date at that time. OK, this part skeeved me a little bit as a father of two girls, and if I had this info my previous post would have been different. If she had been 18 the first time she proposed this it would be different. As it stands it seems a little like a mix of American Beauty meets Playboy. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/37 "2005-01-25T22:42:41Z")
> [@josejones](#): > > i was looking for dialogue, that’s all. and i got it. Yeah, you did, and now you can quit whining because we’re all not lining up to slap you on the back and tell you what a stud you are. I’d tell you what I really think of you, but this isn’t the Pit and I don’t want a Mod jumping on my back. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/38 "2005-01-25T22:44:31Z")
> [@Futile Gesture](#): > > Does the next chapter involve wearing pajamas and wild horses running through the surf on the beach, by any chance? **Futile Gesture** , you _rock_. ---
**Author:** ![SpartanDC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b2d939/32.png) [@SpartanDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpartanDC)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/39 "2005-01-25T22:46:03Z")
> [@josejones](#): > > yes there’s a mrs. Well, unless you’re at the very least separated from mrs. jose (or you have some “open relationship” mumbo-jumbo going on), your OP depicts something that is either: a.) fiction b.) horribly, horribly wrong Would you please shed some light on the subject? Because, it turns out, it’s pretty damn relevant to all of us being able to answer the “scoundrel, or not?” question. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631/40 "2005-01-25T22:46:40Z")
This whole story really couldn’t ring more false. The problem is it has way too many defensive elements. You’ve got your overly logical explanation for why she came after you, i.e. a 45 year old man is more likely to be experienced, generous and patient with less fumbling, and thus the perfect virginity-losing candidate. You tried to resist, but she was just too persistent. You got sperm tests and blood tests because she’s very concerned about safety, yet she absolutely didn’t want to use condoms. You’re certain she had no regrets afterward since she sent you a thank-you note. Maybe I’m wrong and **josejones** simply has a gift for writing about his experiences in such a way that they sound like porn written by a 16 year old boy. Even then the OP is a nothing more than bragging – anyone who actually wanted to discuss the ethics of having sex with an 18 year old would probably omit the lengthy discussions of how hot the girl was and how great the sex was and how he did everything right and she seduced him anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-she-was-18-yes-i-checked-first/286631.md?page=3)