# Hey, Spock, YOU'RE A FUCKIN' MORON! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 8, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346 "2010-04-08T00:06:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/81 "2010-04-12T17:21:41Z")
As for the OP - apparently it was due to the unfortunate accident he had as a child. He caught his head in a mechanical … rice picker. But fortunately, there was an American missionary living close by who was actually a, uh … skilled plastic surgeon in civilian life. ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/82 "2010-04-12T17:27:15Z")
What I don’t understand is - why didn’t I think of it sooner? ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/83 "2010-04-12T17:50:16Z")
> [@Corner\_Case](#): > > What I don’t understand is - why didn’t I think of it sooner? What? A mechanical rice picker? ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/84 "2010-04-12T18:10:44Z")
True, my mother was named Amanda Grayson. However, she was no relation to Richard Grayson. I do not feel an urge to don a red outfit with a cape and tights and prance merrily about while uttering, “Holy wormhole, Captain!” ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/85 "2010-04-12T21:17:51Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > At least pick a _genuine_ fuckin’ moron moment. > > “One of you is Captain Kirk, while the other is the shapechanger Garth, disguising himself as Captain Kirk. I’ll just sit down and turn my back while I wait to see how this plays out…” Yes. Or “Hmm, this asteroid is proving hard to crack. I’ll just paint myself into a corner by ordering Mr Scott, against his better judgement, to keep firing until all of the ship’s weapons and propulsion systems are burned out, and then hope for a last-minute miracle in a few months, rather than, oh say, applying one percent of my vast intellect to a Plan B, or going and spending the next few months looking for Captain Kirk and the miracle itself on the only piece of real estate where we have a chance of finding one.” ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/86 "2010-04-13T00:39:31Z")
> [@Qwakkeddup](#): > > You weren’t suppose to open the case of Romulan Ale for at least another century! Yeah, just can’t keep off the effin’ stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/87 "2010-04-13T01:27:15Z")
> [@Corner\_Case](#): > > What I don’t understand is - why didn’t I think of it sooner? You might have had something else on your mind. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/88 "2010-04-13T01:56:35Z")
[QUOTE= Isamu] Spock, spock. If you put your cock in a Spock does it get larger than a Vok’sha. [/QUOTE] > [@Oakminster](#): > > No putting roosters in Vulcans. I’m calling PETA. > [@Isamu](#): > > But it was only a vulcanized chicken! 🙂 Congratulations. You win the Pullet Surprise. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/89 "2010-04-13T02:02:15Z")
Don’t knock my Spock or I’ll clean your clock! At least the new Spock figured out that he should bang Uhura. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/90 "2010-04-13T02:11:50Z")
[Quote=Isamu] Spock, spock. If you put your cock in a Spock does it get larger than a Vok’sha. [/Quote] [Quote=Oakminster] No putting roosters in Vulcans. I’m calling PETA. [/Quote] [Quote=Isamu] But it was only a vulcanized chicken! [/Quote] [Quote=Ludovic] That’s okay then, at least they were using a rubber. [/Quote] And \*this \*is why I keep coming back to this place… [standing ovation] ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/91 "2010-04-13T03:18:55Z")
If multiple clones of Spock were cooking rooster in a space port, would they be a Spock smock cock dock sock flock? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/92 "2010-04-13T14:08:11Z")
May the Great Bird of the Galaxy help **Super Kapowzler** find his marbles, and soon. ---
**Author:** ![nd\_n8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/439d5e/32.png) [@nd\_n8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nd_n8)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/93 "2010-04-13T17:15:10Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Don’t knock my Spock or I’ll clean your clock! > At least the new Spock figured out that he should bang Uhura. I’m glad somebody finally banged Uhura, those legs always drove me crazy. I always wondered if her earpiece had a “silence” mode. You know… Vibrate? ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/94 "2010-04-13T17:32:09Z")
> [@nd\_n8](#): > > I’m glad somebody finally banged Uhura, those legs always drove me crazy. > > I always wondered if her earpiece had a “silence” mode. > > You know… > > Vibrate? In the “Man Trap” (the one with the “monster” that sucked the salt out of your body), the monster adopts the form of a attractive Af-Am male in order to try to lure Uhura in. In “Charlie X”, Uhura sings along with Spock’s harp playing in an almost flirtatious way. I think Uhura probably “got some” more than the TOS episodes otherwise show. She is not portrayed as shy or having self confidence issues. The show’s producer’s had to stay family friendly (and not portray her as a slut) after all. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/95 "2010-04-13T18:28:10Z")
[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12321435&postcount=9](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12321435&postcount=9) I called it, didn’t I? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/96 "2010-04-13T21:25:56Z")
> [@mlees](#): > > In the “Man Trap” (the one with the “monster” that sucked the salt out of your body), the monster adopts the form of a attractive Af-Am male in order to try to lure Uhura in. > > In “Charlie X”, Uhura sings along with Spock’s harp playing in an almost flirtatious way. > > I think Uhura probably “got some” more than the TOS episodes otherwise show. She is not portrayed as shy or having self confidence issues. The show’s producer’s had to stay family friendly (and not portray her as a slut) after all. Also in “The Naked Time” we have the dialogue “Aha, fair maiden!” “Sorry, neither!” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/97 "2010-04-13T21:56:34Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > Congratulations. You win the Pullet Surprise. I had to verbalize this in my head a couple of times to get it. Restaurants should totally have a dish called Pullet Surprise. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/98 "2010-04-13T22:09:05Z")
> [@MacSpon](#): > > Well, it is a _little_ disturbing to find that 23rd-century computers can’t multitask at all. I guess that sometime in the future, someone will figure out why single-threaded is best. > [@Frodo](#): > > Perhaps wise computer programmers in the future have completely eliminated GOTO as an instruction?. perhaps the computer OS detects infinite loops (but not infinite tasks as "compute pi to the last digit)? > [@Nars\_Glinley](#): > > It wanted to but Spock threw it the “Class A Compulsory Directive” command. It’s a wonder life support didn’t get shut off. > > [Link](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H20cKjz-bjw) You gotta love the adding machine sound effects. You are all wrong. The system would not have gone spastic with the command “Compute pi to the last digit.” It _knows darn well_ that there is no _ **last digit** _. If Spock had been dumb enough to try something like that seriously, it would have simply been: “Compute pi.” That might have worked. OTOH, the computer probably would have come back with “How high?” It was really a secret code for "Another of those crazy non-corporeal entities is aboard. This time it has invaded you. Go spastic on it as if you are computing something without end. And shut down everything except for life support. * * * (Emphasis added to following quote.) > [@BMalion](#): > > Twenty years of groping to prove the things he’d done before were not accidents. Seminars and lectures to rows of fools who couldn’t begin to understand his systems. Colleagues … colleagues laughing behind his back at the **boy wonder** … then becoming famous building on his work … BUILDING ON HIS WORK! Yep! All doubt as to whether he was insane vanished, as soon as he declared that he was Dick Grayson. _ **- TFO** _ ---
**Author:** ![Meow\_Max](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/59ef9b/32.png) [@Meow\_Max](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meow_Max)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/99 "2010-04-13T22:21:33Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Spock codes in machine language anyway. No he doesn’t - that would be inefficient and illogical :dubious: Spock codes his programs in the only truly logical programming language- FORTRAN! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346/100 "2010-04-13T22:28:09Z")
> [@Lobohan](#): > > Is he _of the body_? Peace and tranquility to you, brother. But I am afraid OP is not _of the body_. We should go now, it’s almost … the red hour. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-spock-youre-a-fuckin-moron/535346.md?page=6)