# Hey Thief, can I give you a hand?: or Score one for the good guys **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2002, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654 "2002-08-19T22:17:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/1 "2002-08-19T22:17:25Z")
Today it was reported on channel 3 KVBC that a thief tried breaking into a house last night. The would be thief broke into a house that was occupied. The father of the family in the house saw the thief and picked up the first object handy (sometimes I just kill myself) to defend his family, house and himself. The father picked up a machete, he is a gardner and I guess they have them laying around, and ended up cutting the hand off the would be thief. The thief is now in the hospital after having his hand reattached. The police said the father would not be charged with any crime. The thief, on the other hand, is looking at a long jail term. Wooo Hoooo, now _that_ is the way to deal with intruders. Anyone else want to buy this guy (the father) a beer? Slee ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/2 "2002-08-19T22:30:52Z")
[Attempted carjacking in L.A.](http://www.msnbc.com/local/knbc/A1293554.asp) > [@](#): > > Tyrone Jermaine Hogan, of Los Angeles, held his ribs Sunday and winced in pain as TV news crews recorded his arrest… It seems Hogan, after hijacking another car, decided he’d take a minivan instead. Unfortunately, the van was occupied by members of the Florida International University Judo Club who were in town to teach a self-defense class. _LMFHO_ ---
**Author:** ![ClairificC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ea924/32.png) [@ClairificC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ClairificC)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/3 "2002-08-19T22:39:07Z")
I heard this one several years ago, A thief attemping to burlarize a second story apartment attempted to slip into a window guarded with bars. Halfway through he got horrible stuck and had to use the telephone beneeth the window to call 911. HAHA Or from thr Bob and Sherry radiow show several months ago: A young man hungry for lobster decided to shoplift 2 live lobsters by putting them in his pants, about halfway out of the store, the lobsters grabbed onto the only things “hanging.” Needless to say- he screamed in pain and will not be fathering any children. some people… I like this thread. \*\*Claire ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2002, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/4 "2002-08-19T23:28:47Z")
Ah poetic justice. I read the Judo one earlier today, it cracked me up to no end. ---
**Author:** ![Sivalensis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c4cdca/32.png) [@Sivalensis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sivalensis)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/5 "2002-08-20T04:21:19Z")
You know, there’s a whole book about this type of thing! When I go to work tomorrow I’ll jot down the name and post it…maybe if I remember some of the stories in there too I’ll include those 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Coriolanus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/coriolanus/32/18769_2.png) [@Coriolanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coriolanus)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/6 "2002-08-20T04:27:28Z")
I’ll second **sleetstak’s** shout for a round for Machete Dad 🙂 …and for the Judo-Van dudes a song: > [@](#): > > Everybody was Kung Fu fighting, those kids were fast as lightning > In fact it was a little bit fright’ning, but they did it with expert timing > > Oh-oh-oh-oh… © Carl Douglas, [Kung-fu Fighting](http://www.min.net/~douglas/songs/kungfu.html) , 1974 ---
**Author:** ![Fifteen\_Iguana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@Fifteen\_Iguana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fifteen_Iguana)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/7 "2002-08-20T04:41:44Z")
I just read another one the other day. I believe it happened in/near Seattle. Cops stopped a car, the driver got out and ran into a nearby apartment, which was occupied by an elderly couple. It just so happened they were being visited by their son. Their truckdriving ex-Marine son. He tied the guy in a knot and carried him out to the surprised police. “You looking for him?” Fifteen Iguana ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/8 "2002-08-20T08:13:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sleestak \* > \*\* The thief is now in the hospital after having his hand reattached. > > \*\* And, no doubt, seeking representation in his lawsuit against the gardener. Mark my words. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_great_unwashed/32/4791_2.png) [@The\_Great\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/9 "2002-08-20T09:58:06Z")
I’m sorry, where was the good guy in this story again? ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/10 "2002-08-20T22:44:52Z")
The OP wrote: “The police said the father would not be charged with any crime. The thief, on the other hand, is looking at a long jail term.” ON THE OTHER HAND?!?! Yuk, yuk. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/11 "2002-08-20T22:52:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Great Unwashed \* > \*\*I’m sorry, where was the good guy in this story again? \*\* **THE GARDENER** ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/12 "2002-08-20T23:34:23Z")
I have no sympathy for the thief, but I do find it ironic that if the thief had robbed the house in a country that practises Islamic law and they had then chopped his hand off, we’d be saying how barbaric that was. I admit the situations are not at all analogous – this was an “in the heat of the moment/self-defense” situation and they tend not to try to reattach the hand after judicial punishments. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/13 "2002-08-21T05:51:02Z")
Anyone else get a sudden flash of Al Bundy singing the “Psycho Dad” theme song? [sub]I’ll buy the third round.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/14 "2002-08-21T08:18:17Z")
Hey, I’ll pop for a beer too! ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/15 "2002-08-21T12:51:12Z")
Like **spooje** mentioned, I’m waiting to hear how long it takes for the thief to sue the gardener. In today’s society, I’m sure he could get more from the family this way than he would have stealing from them. Keep us posted on that. Back in Beaumont, one of my friends was a member of one of those reenactment societies. A lot of people with WAYYY too many swords on hand. One of the guys who participated in this with had the tendency to sleep in the nude. He had his house broken into one evening, and confronted the burglar with a four foot sword wearing only a pair of socks (it was in December). There were no dismemberments to this story, but it’s funny nonetheless. As for **Finagle** ’s comments, the difference with us finding this man’s actions heroic and the government’s actions barbaric is the fact that we tend to believe governments and judicial systems should be more humane and better understanding of a situation and the value of human life. If someone tries to mug you with a gun, and you pull a gun of your own out, shots are fired and you kill the assailant in self defense, people believe it’s justified. But, if the assailant gets arrested and the government puts him on trial and executes him for the same crime, there’s a big difference there. The judicial system has the time and means to handle the situation in a more thought out, less heated manner, and there are plenty of other means to deal with ciminals than “An eye for an eye.” ---
**Author:** ![Powers106](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@Powers106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Powers106)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/16 "2002-08-21T13:12:05Z")
A few similar type of stories I remember (but for which I have no cites as one was on the radio and other is probably somewhere in News of the Weird): The bank robber who was standing in line with a hold-up note and getting really bored because it was taking him forever to get to the teller. So, instead of cutting in line or something, he passed the time practicing his own signature on the back of the hold-up note. :smack: They picked him up a few hours later counting cash in his apartment. Or, the guy who actually robbed a Brinks truck when it was open but had the unfortunate luck in grabbing two bags that were filled with pennies and not dollar bills. I think he made it about a half block before they caught up with him. Oh, and another one from the London Times on Monday. A farmer had set up a video camera to catch anybody who was trying to steal his horse or vandalise his farm. Some guy on ectasy rolls up and gets video taped having sex with the horse. :eek: The man gets busted, goes to court, gets a sentence of 18 months or something, and is ordered “not to contact the horse in the future”. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/17 "2002-08-21T13:17:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Some guy on ectasy rolls up and gets video taped having sex with the horse. :eek: Something similar happened around here a few months ago. In Rancho Palos Verdes a woman discovered a man attempting to be intimate with a horse. She screamed and the man ran away. After calling the police, she went to another stable and caught the guy in the act with another horse. He was arrested. I don’t know the outcome, as I never heard any more about it after thehe woman did called in to The World Famous KROQ for an impromtu interview with Kevin & Bean, the morning show guys. I don’t remember if she called the same day, or the day after. ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/18 "2002-08-21T13:39:28Z")
My wife’s former roommate (“roomie”) was riding her bike near downtown Chicago, when she saw two punks push another woman off a bike and try to steal it. Little did they know that the person they robbed, roomie, and 20 other people within about 5 yards were all Chicago Police officers, participating in a race to tryout for the bicycle squad. Within 30 seconds, they were surrounded by a swarm of pissed off, gun toting cops. Wrong place at the wrong time. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/19 "2002-08-21T16:03:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by El Elvis Rojo \* > \*\*a four foot sword wearing only a pair of socks \*\* Most swords bypass the obligatory footwear. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2002, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654/20 "2002-08-21T16:33:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Powers106 \* > \*\*Oh, and another one from the London Times on Monday. A farmer had set up a video camera to catch anybody who was trying to steal his horse or vandalise his farm. Some guy on ectasy rolls up and gets video taped having sex with the horse. :eek: The man gets busted, goes to court, gets a sentence of 18 months or something, and is ordered “not to contact the horse in the future”. :eek: \*\* This guy also has to register as a sex offender, now. I’m not sure if I find this funny or sad. Didn’t this happen in Mississippi, though? Unless there’s an international horse-humping ring of which I’m unaware (which is not entirely impossible). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-thief-can-i-give-you-a-hand-or-score-one-for-the-good-guys/124654.md?page=2)