# Hey you fucking Mormons! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 27, 2000, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047 "2000-07-27T14:12:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![douglips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@douglips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/douglips)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/21 "2000-07-28T15:12:07Z")
OK, OK, OK. Will someone please explain ‘green jello’ for the poor atheist? ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/22 "2000-07-28T15:35:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beakerxf \* > > Hey Esprix, I thought you were going to be gone for 3 weeks? Starting tomorrow, sugarbear - enjoy me while you can! 😃 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![beakerxf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc79bd/32.png) [@beakerxf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beakerxf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/23 "2000-07-28T18:11:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > > Actually, I’d like to clear up a single misconception. You see, there are no such things as “fucking” Mormons. Mormons do not have sex. > \*\* SPOOFE, you realize that now you’ve revealed the secret practices of Mormons to the world, that you’ll be killed and all signs of your existence erased. Sorry, man. Pepperlandgirl, call Pres. Hinckley and let him know that he have another “hush-up” job to perform. ---
**Author:** ![beakerxf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc79bd/32.png) [@beakerxf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beakerxf)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/24 "2000-07-28T18:18:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > > Starting tomorrow, sugarbear - enjoy me while you can! 😃 > > Esprix \*\* Sugarbear? Sugarbear?! Oh, so I’ve converted you, eh? Yup, [puffs up cockily] no one can resist my sexy allure. It’s both a blessing and a curse. But I’m sorry, Esprix. You’re just not my type. Be strong, the stinging pain of my rejection will eventually fade. Just give it a decade or two. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/25 "2000-07-28T18:38:49Z")
Beaker, I’ll call Pres. Hinkley ASAP!!! Doug, honestly, I don’t know what the deal is with green jello. I’m not sure how it all got started, or why it’s huge now. I think the runner-up to green jello is orange jello with lil marshmallows in it. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/26 "2000-07-28T18:54:20Z")
Hey, since there seems to be a shitload of Utahns posting in this thread, I’m wondering if anyone would be interested in a mini-Dopefest in SLC this year. I’m in and out of the city a bunch, and will be spending several days there for a conference in November. I know it’s a long way off, but I sure wouldn’t mind getting together with some of y’all when I’m there. ---
**Author:** ![Danielinthewolvesden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Danielinthewolvesden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danielinthewolvesden)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/27 "2000-07-28T19:24:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by beakerxf \* > SPOOFE, you realize that now you’ve revealed the secret practices of Mormons to the world, that you’ll be killed and all signs of your existence erased. > > Pepperlandgirl, call Pres. Hinckley and let him know that he have another “hush-up” job to perform. \*\* yep sounds like another job for the Danites, ie the "angels’. ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/28 "2000-07-28T20:34:57Z")
There is a Sherlock Holmes case (above-mentioned) that has to do with Mormons and secret societies and murder. It has been years since I read it but I may do so again. Anyone familiar with it? I once belonged to RLDS, the branch that stayed in Nauvoo, Illinois, when Joseph Smith was murdered and Brigham Young struck out for the West. The green jello must be an LDS only thing. Good thing, because I’m vegetarian and there aren’t many vegetarian jellos on the market. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/29 "2000-07-28T20:50:53Z")
I don’t know what the story is with green jell-o (although I can… ah… “research” the topic, much like I researched my above post :D). However, I DO know that all officially-sanctioned Mormon parties must have green jell-o as the main course, and red punch as the beverage. However, donuts and/or brownies may be present. In addition, whenever a high-ranking Mormon throws a dinner party, it’s required by doctrine for him to serve “toilet-seat-sized” steaks (why the need to compare the steaks to toilet seats is beyond me). ---
**Author:** ![Cynical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5fc32e/32.png) [@Cynical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cynical1)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/30 "2000-07-29T00:12:08Z")
Byz - I am in total agreement that Utah is the eye-candiest state in the lower 48. Now - Here’s my spin on Mormons. I imagine a bunch of white men sitting around a nearly empty bottle of booze one night. Joseph: Hey, let’s start our own religion! Brigham: Cool. Lets come up with some goofy rules. Joseph: I’ll go first. How about… We get as many wives as we want! Everyone: Good one… Cool… I like it Brigham: My turn. OK OK OK Everybody has to give us 10% of everything they make. BEFORE TAXES! Everyone: Way cool!! Joseph: Back to me. How about this. Secret underwear. Everyone: Kinky! Brigham: We’ll send all the eighteen year olds away for two years. Let them annoy other people. Everyone: That works… Joseph: We’ll move to the desert and gather around a lake with water that’s too salty to drink or swim or fish in. Everyone: Silence… Crickets chirping… Somewhere a moth farts… Everyone: (Whispering) He keeps spouting shit like that, someone’s going to murder his ass. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/31 "2000-07-29T08:30:36Z")
> [@](#): > > We’ll send all the eighteen year olds away for two years. You mean _nine_teen. And the “moving to the desert” idea was Briggy’s, weenie, not Joe’s. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/32 "2000-07-29T08:38:08Z")
And Briggy only moved them to the desert AFTER the mobs of Illinois burned down their city and the temple. ---
**Author:** ![Byzantine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/33 "2000-07-29T08:47:57Z")
But, frankly, you gotta really ponder why they came here… promised land? What was the promise? Yeah, it’s beautiful but uh… the Salt Lake isn’t good for much except mining salt. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cynical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5fc32e/32.png) [@Cynical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cynical1)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2000, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047/34 "2000-07-29T11:00:35Z")
I mention moths farting in a post and the best you can do is criticize my facts?! Byz - how 'bout the smell of brine shrimp roasting in the open sun. They must have loved that. Of course, it is the only place in the world where the lake-effect snow salts the roads as it falls. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hey-you-fucking-mormons/27047.md?page=1)