# "Hi, I'm Emily Bronte—May I Autograph My Book?" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 11, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744 "2004-03-11T18:58:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/1 "2004-03-11T18:58:21Z")
I was just in Coliseum Books on 42nd Street, as I need a good emergency train book (I bought [Strangers: Homosexual Love in the Nineteenth Century](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/039302038X/qid=1079030740/sr=2-3/ref=sr_2_3/002-5305634-9444814), and I noticed they had my [Kay Kendall bio](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0813122511/qid=1079030942/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-5305634-9444814?v=glance&s=books) on the shelf. So I told the cashier, “I wrote this—you want I should sign it?” He said, “Yes, thanks!” gave me a pen, put an “Autographed Copy” sticker on it and put it on a prominent shelf. Funny thing is, he never asked me for any ID (I hadn’t bought the other book yet) or checked my author’s photo! I’m gonna start going to bookstores and signing, “Love ‘n’ Kisses, Dorothy Parker” and “All my best, Sylvia Plath.” ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/2 "2004-03-11T19:04:03Z")
Well, **Eve** , I know you’re humble, but there’s no need to hide behind modesty here. It’s obvious the clerk knew who you were the minute you stepped in the door, and was trembling in his socks as he hoped beyond hope that you’d notice that he’d put your book on display. I’m sure as soon as you left he purchased it for himself, to become a treasured heirloom. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/3 "2004-03-11T19:05:04Z")
Obviously, your fame so precedes you that he didn’t _have_ to ask for ID or check the photo. Face it baby, you’re a star! ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/4 "2004-03-11T19:07:15Z")
Wow, you could really have some fun with that. Maybe I could start offering to sign copies of _Mein Kampf_, or _The Anarchist’s Cookbook_ or even The Unabomber’s _Manifesto_. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/5 "2004-03-11T19:14:01Z")
_“Don’t miss my sequel!”_ Harper Lee ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/6 "2004-03-11T19:27:54Z")
Reports of my death have been extremely premature. Mark Twain ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/7 "2004-03-11T19:50:29Z")
More trusting than I. Years ago, I worked at Waldenbooks as an afterschool job. An avid SF reader, I was restocking the mass market science fiction section with the newest Jack Chalker book when a woman said, “Oh, my husband’s new book is here.” My face must have registered disbelief, because she went on to assure me that she was Chalker’s wife. I gave her a non-committed nod, which was intended to convey “You’re a customer so I can’t be rude to you, but if you think I’m buying this story you’re crazy.” She read my expression perfectly, and produced a Maryland driver’s license identifying her as Eva Chalker with an address in Western Maryland. I knew Chalker’s wife’s name was Eva, and that he lived in Maryland, so I was instantly humbled and convinced. But yeah, I needed the ID. 🙂 - Rick PS - My fondly held dream is that someday Eve will be able to autograph my copy of “Vamp” for me… ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/8 "2004-03-11T20:16:54Z")
My dad looks frighteningly like Salman Rushdie. Maybe I should get him to try this… ---
**Author:** ![sj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@sj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sj2)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/9 "2004-03-11T20:28:56Z")
I just looked at your amazon listing Eve, and the thought occured to me that you would be a kick-ass dinner party guest. So…next time you’re at a dinner party, tell all the other not-as-cool-as-you-guests that they should REALLY appreciate your presence. ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/10 "2004-03-11T20:37:40Z")
So… does that mean we can send our **Eve** books to you, and you’ll autograph 'em and send them back? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/11 "2004-03-11T20:40:56Z")
> [@Really Not All That Bright](#): > > My dad looks frighteningly like Salman Rushdie. Maybe I should get him to try this… Hmmmm, issues with your father, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/12 "2004-03-11T20:43:14Z")
> [@](#): > > I just looked at your amazon listing Eve, and the thought occured to me that you would be a kick-ass dinner party guest. I keep kicking people’s asses at dinner parties, and I just never get invited _back_. > [@](#): > > So… does that mean we can send our Eve books to you, and you’ll autograph 'em and send them back? Well, ummm, _yeah_ . . . ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/13 "2004-03-11T21:26:09Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I keep kicking people’s asses at dinner parties, and I just never get invited _back_. Consider yourself as having a standing invite for dinner and best two out of three falls. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/14 "2004-03-11T21:32:04Z")
Well, **Eve** , the last time we were having lunch at the Algonquin, I pulled out my copy of \Kay Kendall\, and, though you’d do it for some random bookstore on the Deuce, you didn’t sign mine. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/15 "2004-03-11T21:52:15Z")
You didn’t _ask_ me to! I assumed I already _had!_ Next time, then. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/16 "2004-03-11T23:00:47Z")
**Eve** , you are far too generous with your autographs. I once had a book signed by Abbie Hoffman during a recess in his Chicago Eight trial (showing my age here). He handed it back to me and went back into the court room. Proud as could be, I opened the book to see what he had written. He signed it, “Fuck off - Abbie” ---
**Author:** ![psiekier](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psiekier/32/116_2.png) [@psiekier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psiekier)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/17 "2004-03-17T21:05:57Z")
I seem to recall autographing a few copies of [BattleTechnology](http://www.justplain.com/BattleTechnology/btwords/bt18.html) that featured a technical readout I had written and some artwork I had supplied for someone else’s fiction piece. They never did pay me the amount we agreed upon in the contract… in fact, they never paid me at all. I guess I should just be happy that somewhen, somewhere, I was published. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![paperbackwriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@paperbackwriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/paperbackwriter)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2004, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/18 "2004-03-17T23:09:03Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > **Eve** , you are far too generous with your autographs. > > I once had a book signed by Abbie Hoffman during a recess in his Chicago Eight trial (showing my age here). He handed it back to me and went back into the court room. Proud as could be, I opened the book to see what he had written. > > He signed it, “Fuck off - Abbie” Now, **that** is the perfect Abbie Hoffman signature. Too bad you don’t still have it. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/19 "2004-03-18T04:05:50Z")
> [@AugestWest](#): > > Hmmmm, issues with your father, eh? Hardly. Love the author, love my dad even more. I say ‘frighteningly’ because an old girlfriend made me watch Bridget Jones’ Diary with her, with a couple bottles of wine for company. I was somewhat intoxicated when he made his cameo and I literally jumped off the couch because I hadn’t expected Dad to be appearing in a movie… they look _that_ similar. ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2004, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-emily-bronte-may-i-autograph-my-book/233744/20 "2004-03-18T05:37:04Z")
Eve, you rock. I didn’t know you had 5 books published. That is so cool. I know authors hate this, but I’m a library hound, so I’m going to go to the library to see if your books are there. Sorry for not buying them.