# Hi. I'm New and Clueless! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 3, 2008, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924 "2008-03-03T06:47:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/21 "2008-03-03T22:49:12Z")
**janis** , Ooh, goody. . .someone new to pick on. 😛 Happy Birthday slightly early! What a great gift. Welcome and enjoy your stay! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/22 "2008-03-03T22:57:42Z")
[QUOTE=Hockey Monkey] _yells_ Hal, did you oil up the Robogoat ™ after the last [del]initiation[/del] welcome party? I hope it’s not all rusty! [/QUOTE] Naaa, the RoboGoat MV-IX is all primed up and ready to go. No need to worry about rust – it’s self-lubricating. (Insert “Ewwwwwww” here). Now then, welcome **janis**! If you would be so kind as to stand right over there and pay no mind to the big “X” on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2008, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/23 "2008-03-03T23:15:34Z")
Here. Here’s a raincoat with a hole in it. By a “hole”, i mean that it’s pretty much just a pair of water wings. You have an appointment to see Mariah after the Robogoat has its way with you. It’s not as bad as it sounds. You’ll walk normally in 3 to 7 weeks. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/24 "2008-03-04T03:31:36Z")
Where the hell is the goat already? You know how heavy this goat cannon is? And no small feat to drag it all the way in here. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/25 "2008-03-04T04:09:33Z")
Welcome! Ignore all the warnings about the goat, it’s the 500-gallon vat of Jell-O that you need to worry about. I hope you can swim. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/26 "2008-03-04T04:12:29Z")
[QUOTE=BiblioCat] Welcome! Ignore all the warnings about the goat, it’s the 500-gallon vat of Jell-O that you need to worry about. I hope you can swim. [/QUOTE] She doesn’t have to worry about Mariah? You mean she likes having sucker marks all over her body? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/27 "2008-03-04T04:14:18Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] She doesn’t have to worry about Mariah? You mean she likes having sucker marks all over her body? [/QUOTE] We all got used to it, so will she. It’s only freaky the first time… ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/28 "2008-03-04T04:16:21Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] We all got used to it, so will she. It’s only freaky the first time… [/QUOTE] And here I am trying to find a way to recreate the feeling. Oh well. At least I save money on peanut butter. I don’t have to smear it all over my balls anymore. ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/29 "2008-03-04T04:27:16Z")
Ok, NOW I’m scared! _Wibble_ Thank og I brought this inflatable raft! ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/30 "2008-03-04T04:31:41Z")
Don’t mind **LOUNE** , he’s good people. A bit sticky in the pants, but good people. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/31 "2008-03-04T04:34:15Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Don’t mind **LOUNE** , he’s good people. A bit sticky in the pants, but good people. [/QUOTE] I thought we took care of that. We took away his pants. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/32 "2008-03-04T04:35:34Z")
[QUOTE=Ice Wolf] A fundamental part of the traditional SDMB initiation ceremony. If the goat can be caught in time, that is … [/QUOTE] The problem isn’t so much catching him so that he shows up as it is catching him to make him leave at the end of the party. He really _likes_ [del]fresh meat[/del] new members. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/33 "2008-03-04T04:50:59Z")
We tried to [del]escape the Initiation Complex[/del] go outside during the welcoming buffet a few times. The effects were… interesting. Ask **Kythereia**. ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/34 "2008-03-04T05:08:58Z")
Just keep repeating, “the goat is my friend!” and you’ll get through just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/35 "2008-03-04T05:45:04Z")
Welcome **janis\_and\_c0**. Glad you decided to join our motley crew. Don’t pay any attention to the goa…err…man behind the curtain and you’ll be just fine! ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/36 "2008-03-04T05:57:53Z")
[QUOTE=LOUNE] It’s not as bad as it sounds. You’ll walk normally in 3 to 7 weeks. [/QUOTE] I heard you’re _still_ not walking the same, **LOUNE** baby. But that might be the peanut butter, huh? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/37 "2008-03-04T06:02:03Z")
Welcome. Please try the 14 k of g in a p f d soup. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/38 "2008-03-04T06:13:57Z")
C-bus represent! You know, we really should have a Columbus dopefest one of these days… ---
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/39 "2008-03-04T06:31:43Z")
[QUOTE=MsWhatsit] C-bus represent! You know, we really should have a Columbus dopefest one of these days… [/QUOTE] That sounds like a plan. (And you are named after one of my favorite literary characters of all time!) ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2008, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924/40 "2008-03-04T13:59:07Z")
A little bit of Dope trivia–technically, the first Dopefest was in Columbus. It was only sparsely attended–maybe six of us, most of whom no longer post here. I think it was in 1999. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-new-and-clueless/439924.md?page=3)