# "HI--I'M ON THE TRAIN. NOTHIN' WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 5, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902 "2003-06-05T19:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/1 "2003-06-05T19:03:00Z")
I know I have bitched about this before, but why do some people have to _scream inanities at the top of their lungs_ into their cell phones on the goddam train? Last night there were _two_ of them in my car—the only reason I didn’t get up to ask them to put a sock in it was because I was in the window seat and would’ve had to push the aisle-seat person out of the way. Now. I do not object to people who do a quick, “I’m on the 5:47, meet me at the station,” or people who talk in a normal tone of voice . . . But what the hell is with the screamers? Do they not realize they are in a public place? And. New Jersey Transit. I have asked them several times to put signs up and make announcements to the effect of, “Please keep your cell-phone calls as brief and quiet as possible, for the convenience of youir fellow passngers.” They refuse, even though they admitted to me that, “Yeah, that’s our biggest compliant.” I’m going to start carrying a water-pistol with me . . . ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/2 "2003-06-05T19:04:10Z")
That’s weird, the opening title was all in caps when I posted it . . . ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/3 "2003-06-05T19:14:03Z")
The board automatically doesn’t let you put all caps in the subject lines of an OP, IIRC. I think that happened to me once. But, hey, thats what you get for shouting in the OP. Might as well shout on a train while your at it. Sheesh. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/4 "2003-06-05T19:19:13Z")
Heh. We get the tourists here in SF that don’t realize that everyone else on the train wants to kill them. I wait for the tunnel’s approach, then cackle with glee at their sudden “Hello?? Hello?? Are you there??” The best PT I’ve ever encountered that deals properly with this is Caltrain, a full-sized train that runs up and down the Peninsula. The conductor announces at the beginning of the trip that cell phones should only be used in between cars where there are no seats, and the ticket takers actively seek out and remove phone talkers from their seats if they don’t obey. There is usually an audible little cheer when this happens. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/5 "2003-06-05T19:21:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Eve \* > \*\* > I’m going to start carrying a water-pistol with me . . . \*\* That would rule! and fill it with pee or bleach! That’ll learn 'em! ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/6 "2003-06-05T19:21:55Z")
In related transit news, a woman on my bus this morning was rooting around in her ears and nose, pulling things out and eating them. No, I am not making this up. **Eve** - I feel your pain, but I think I win on this one. Now where is that blasted barfing smilie they keep promising us… ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/7 "2003-06-05T19:25:16Z")
Eve, it’s even lamer on the bus. I admit I was really rude yesterday. On my ride home in the evening I sat next to this chick that insisted on SCREAMING into her mobile phone to whomever was unfortunate enough to be on the other end of the call. I could hear her clearly over my mp3 player and I listen to that sucker pretty darn loud. I whipped out my Blackberry and, clearly so she could read, typed the following: **Hi, honey. (_I was writing to my hubby_) I’m on the bus and I’m sitting next to this woman who is SCREAMING into her phone. It’s _so_ annoying.** I’m not sure if she read it or not but a few minutes later she ended the call. Civilized humans were not meant to ride public transportation. Where’s my complementary limo for being me? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/8 "2003-06-05T19:52:27Z")
Ooooh, me, too! We go through one tunnel, and I always giggle (yes, out loud) when they start yelling, “Hello? HELLO?” My best moment was when this one guy screamed his home phone number over his cell phone to his girlfriend. I called him when I got home and left a message that he had just given his home number to an entire traincar full of people whom he’d just pissed-off. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/9 "2003-06-05T19:54:46Z")
I especially love the ones that start a conversation just as the subway train is leaving an above-ground station. They get about two words in before it goes undergrounds, and they start the whole “Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?!” thing. No, you moron, they CAN’T hear you, because you’re UNDERGROUND. I think all the cell-phone inanity screamers should be collected in one place, and have a little town all to themselves, where they could ride trains and scream about how they’re not doing anything all the live-long day. And the rest of us could ride public transit in peace and freaking quiet. Or maybe they should just be executed. Either way. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/10 "2003-06-05T20:05:47Z")
Ah NJ Transit. For a moment I thought you were going over the Manhattan bridge, one of the few places people can use a phone while on the subway. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/11 "2003-06-05T20:06:05Z")
> [@](#): > > I called him when I got home and left a message that he had just given his home number to an entire traincar full of people whom he’d just pissed-off. **Eve** , you are the wind beneath my wings. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/12 "2003-06-05T20:17:21Z")
My husband and I STILL don’t have a cell phone. I just don’t see a need to be connected to the rest of the world every minute of every day. Sure, there are emergencies, but hey, I got through those emergencies without a phone before! Although I did buy a phone for my elderly dad for when he’s tooling in and out of the city. But that’s different. He’s a geezer. It really bothers me that young whippersnappers feel that they MUST be connected at ALL times. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/13 "2003-06-05T20:18:31Z")
**World Eater** , I do that every day (J train). I don’t know how anyone can have a phone conversation on that train, over the constant din of subway preachers, philosophers and performers. But people try and do hold their conversations. I think 9/10ths of the train pulls out their phones once it exits the tunnel onto the bridge. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/14 "2003-06-05T20:23:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Ah NJ Transit. For a moment I thought you were going over the Manhattan bridge, one of the few places people can use a phone while on the subway. \*\* Don’t forget all the elevated lines in Queens and The Bronx. Every evening when my N train rounds the curve into QBP about half the car whips out their phone to get their important call in before they get off the damn train at 39th Ave. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/15 "2003-06-05T20:28:28Z")
YES! YES! I hate these people! I hate them so much. And most of the time, it’s just pointless chit-chat. Arrrrgggh! Another thing that bugs me is people with their headphones turned up too loud. Here’s a hint - if you are three seats away from me and I can tell exactly what song is being played, your headset is TOO DAMN LOUD! I want to tear the things off their head and smash it into the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Lyllyan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@Lyllyan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lyllyan)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/16 "2003-06-05T20:33:35Z")
Have you ever seen _ **Trigger Happy TV** _? One recurring skit is of a man with a huge cellphone - it’s a good 3 feet, and he yells inanities while continuing with his shopping, movie watching etc… Now whenever the kids and I hear that particular ring tone, we automatically bellow **HELLO - NO. I’M AT THE MOVIES. YEAH, IT’S RUBBISH.** then giggle inanely. We sometimes get the oddest looks ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/17 "2003-06-05T20:33:49Z")
It’s lots of fun too when a clueless cellphone user whips out his little crutch the instant the plane lands, and the entire cabin is trapped listening to his loud conversational inanities as we wait for deplaning. The next time this happens I am strongly tempted, as soon as his call ends, to announce in an equally loud voice, “THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR INCREDIBLY DULL LIFE WITH US.” ---
**Author:** ![shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ab992/32.png) [@shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shrew)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/18 "2003-06-05T20:39:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > In related transit news, a woman on my bus this morning was rooting around in her ears and nose, pulling things out and eating them. Her long lost brother was sitting directly in front of me on the Snowdon Mountain Railway last week in Wales. He ate his own boogers, ear wax, and facial skin flakes, and was rubbing his fingers in his armpits and sniffing/sucking them. He _appeared_ normal 'til he got peckish. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/19 "2003-06-05T20:44:18Z")
Several times I’ve had people four or five seats away yelling into their phones, “CAN YOU HEAR ME? _CAN YOU HEAR ME?_” to which I will shout, “YES! PIPE DOWN!!” I’ve been applauded. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902/20 "2003-06-05T20:47:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lyllyan \* > \*\*Have you ever seen _ **Trigger Happy TV** _? One recurring skit is of a man with a huge cellphone - it’s a good 3 feet, and he yells inanities while continuing with his shopping, movie watching etc… > > Now whenever the kids and I hear that particular ring tone, we automatically bellow > > **HELLO - NO. I’M AT THE MOVIES. YEAH, IT’S RUBBISH.** > > then giggle inanely.\*\* I love it when cell phone users get mocked. A few months back I was in the bleachers at Yankee Stadium watching them get beat by the D-Rays. This guy’s cell phone rings and he starts chatting on it really loud. People are getting a bit restless, so suddenly this guy stands up to start talking and you everyone can hear him trying to tell someone who is somewhere else in the stadium where to look to see him. “Things like, look towards the Jumbotron…yeah…no, to the right…etc.” Suddenly this guy a few rows back starts yelling at the top of his lungs, “HEY, TO THE RIGHT! I’M THE MASSIVE TOOL ON THE CELL PHONE! YEAH! IN THE BLEACHERS! I’M THE ASSHOLE THAT WON’T SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP! MAYBE IF I WAVE MY HANDS LIKE THE GIANT TOOL I AM, YOU’LL SEE ME!” The guy ended his call a few seconds later and sat down. Good times. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-im-on-the-train-nothin-what-are-you-doing/179902.md?page=2)