I used to have a really bad habit of identifying a “competitive” car and then doing everything I could to not let that guy get ahead of me. I’d get unbelievably worked up and take outrageous risks to stay in front of the other driver. I still do it occasionally, but I usually catch myself and sulk at my weakness.
I find that listening to classical music — especially Brahms, for some reason — tends to keep me calm during my hellish commute. (Seattleites, I have to cross the lake. You may pity me, or if you share the burden you can join the call for sympathy.)
I’m not sure bitching and yelling to myself in my car actually helps the situation. I find that if I’m yelling things at other drivers, my own blood pressure starts going up and I get all stressed (and I totally agree - it’s not worth it). So how do I get into that Zen zone and stay there as I’m starting to get worked up after the fourth person cuts in front of me as I try to leave a safe stopping distance? The mantra sounds like a good idea. Any others?
Oh, I just wanted to mention that in Dread Pirate Jimbo’s case, an experienced winter driver can tell the difference between “can’t stop” and “not interested in stopping.” The “can’t stop” driver is usually going some degree of sideways by that point, with a frantic look on their face, and the car is obviously not under complete control (wheels not turning, but car is still moving, etc.)
One thing that’s helped me calm down a bit is a bit embarrassing…
I had the family in the car, and I had to brake suddenly when an asshole in a riced out SUV cut me off. Sensing the sudden change in the velocity of the car, I heard my 2 year old chime in sweetly:
Yeah, in Calgary, the interchanges seemed to have been designed on the back of a napkin during happy hour, so that doesn’t exactly help matters, either. (Don’t get me started on the whole Deerfoot/Southland/ Anderson/ Bow Bottom interchange insanity!)
I think I am about the calmest driver ever. Other people who ride with me get upset at other cars for me, but it takes a huge offense to even get me to notice. I don’t have any tricks to offer, except my mind set in general is not on what other people are doing. I leave large spaces between me and other cars, and just generally focus on what I am doing.
I have always been this way and it stresses me out to drive / ride with people who are always noticing and commenting on other drivers ( are you listening, S.O.? ) . I think it is really just a personality difference, and once you get upset, it is easy to get more upset by smaller and smaller things. Plus, once something happens to you once (like getting cut off), you are more likely to notice it if it happens again.
I’m not saying I never get frustrated at other people, but in general I am not an aggressive driver at all. I get there all the same.
I think the key is to know when the other driver made a simple (perhaps careless) mistake and when they are just being flat-out ridiculous. One thing that bothers me is when people get all pissed off if you accidentally forget to turn on your turn signal or maybe have to change lanes quickly if you didn’t see your turn coming. Obviously a honk on the horn would be an appropriate “reminder” to pay attention, as I would do the same thing to someone who I saw doing something like that… but there are two types of road-ragers that bother me in this case. There are the ones who see someone doing something like that and lay on the horn for an extended period of time, give dirty looks, flip them off, curse them, etc… when it was probably a simple mistake… or there is the road-rager on the receiving end who obviously made a mistake, but can’t take the beep on the horn that they should be expecting when they do something careless. They “retort” the beep with the cursing, flipping off, dirty looks, etc.
I guess to boil it down, if you are making insane judgements on the road I say whatever you get is what you deserve. However if you have made a simple mistake or observed a simple mistake, there is absolutely no reason to get upset or for other’s to be upset at you. The driving is a very dynamic and really dangerous thing many times, expect the unexpected.
The jeep in question was moving fairly slowly and was clearly under control when it pulled out in front of me. The driver simply chose not to stop at the stop light. Had he been skidding into the intersection, I wouldn’t have been ranting about his incompetance, but simply adding him to the giant list of people who don’t get that 4-wheel drive helps you accelerate and steer but doesn’t help you stop.
Thanks, featherlou and Tatiana for your support also.
I second what Velma wrote. I used to be a much more aggressive driver. I wasn’t what I would consider a bad driver, but I always seemed to be in a hurry and it always seemed like other people were in my way. I live in a tourist/retirement area, so you can believe that there are plenty of annoying drivers on the road here. I was constantly angry at other drivers.
A few years ago, my husband and I witnessed a fatal accident in which the guy who died caused it by trying to pass someone in an unsafe place in heavy traffic. It was the most surreal thing. His truck flipped up in the air, landed upside down on another car (it’s driver wasn’t seriously hurt, thankfully), and rolled over into the oncoming traffic. It was so weird looking that my brain didn’t even recognize what had happened until my husband was out of the car trying to help. It turned out the guy was about two minutes from home, just getting ready to turn into his development.
It taught us both a huge lesson. Now, I pretty much stick to the right-hand lane, I drive right on the speed limit, I try to leave earlier so that I don’t have to rush, and I sort of Zen-out while I’m on the road. I also leave a HUGE space in between me and the car in front. That way, I’m hardly ever cut off; it’s just not necessary for someone to do it.
I’ve found that driving like this has made other people a lot less annoying. I’m just not in the way of the maniacs as often. Even when someone does do something stupid, I’m not in that competitive, rushing frame of mind, so it doesn’t bother me as much. I can just laugh and contemplate what they must be paying for insurance. It’s especially amusing when they’re driving a car with a huge dent in the side.
The next time someone is tailgating you so closely you feel like you should be on a first name basis or like you’re getting checked for kidney stones, do what I do.
Wash your windshield. Wash it well. Wash it very well. So well that oodles of wiper fluid sprays over the top of your car, is blown off the edges of your windshield and that little pump whines in exhaustion. They’ll usually back off as they fumble to find their wiper controls or quickly back off and change lanes to get around you. One can only hope there’s an alert motorcycle cop ahead with a shiny laser radar unit.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people who tailgate also seem to be obsessive about their cars. They’re so clean that sun sparkles off them and almost blinds you. Nothing will irk them so much as a little windshield wiper fluid gunking up their pretty wash and wax job. Ah, vengeance, sweet vengeance is mine for a mere $1.79/gallon.
And I have the cleanest windshield in DFW. At least the arcs covered by the wipers.
C3, it honestly never occurred to me before that Calgary is one of the fastest growing cities in Canada, if not North America, and as a result we have huge numbers of drivers who aren’t familiar with the roads and signage (and Miss Gretchen is completely right about the interchanges - if they were designed while the people were drinking heavily, it would explain a lot). As an added bonus, all those people moving here clog up the roads which are about 10 years behind in capacity to start with. No wonder driving in Calgary feels so stressful.
Yeah, our infrastructure is a problem, too. We have about 35000 year-round citizens and our summer population booms to over a million on some days. Also, we don’t have any major interstates coming into our area, but a couple 6 lane business arteries lined with hotels, restaurants, etc. with stoplights at many intersections. In addition, along parts of these business roads, there are “access road”, which are smaller roads you have to get onto to actually get to the businesses. These roads have yield signs for the people on the access roads to give way to people entering. Nobody gets it, even most of the people who live here.
) . I think it is really just a personality difference, and once you get upset, it is easy to get more upset by smaller and smaller things. Plus, once something happens to you once (like getting cut off), you are more likely to notice it if it happens again.