# Hi, old friend! In town 1st time in 10 years! Love to see you but I'll have to lie to my husband.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 12, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045 "2010-08-12T15:30:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/41 "2010-08-13T20:13:04Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > > [@kidneyfailure](#): > > > > Regardless of how platonic you and she know you are, mixed-gender friendships become problems with you marry other people. > > Hogwash. Both my wife and I have several friends each of the opposite sex, some married now some not, and it’s never been an issue to go out unchaperoned. > > In fact, don’t know anyone who’s married who has such issues. You never met my first wife, obviously. That’s one more reason why my second marriage is much better than my first one. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2010, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/42 "2010-08-13T23:03:22Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > Well, that’s kind of the odd thing, from my perspective. When she called me from the US, we were indeed talking about our families getting together and she was talking about how great our kids would get along. But now that she’s here, she’s saying “he’s watching me like a hawk, I’ll have to slip out the back, Jack.” I don’t know if it would be a good idea to call her on her cell phone if they’re all living together in close quarters with that kind of tension. Also, it sounds like her husband’s a bit of a jerk and I probably don’t want to meet him anyway. Does lunch with you and your wife still be an issue? I can kind of see not wanting to include him, if he’d get suspicious when you spoke to one another out of earshot or even if you talked of old times. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/43 "2010-08-14T01:15:40Z")
What possible harm could there be with meeting another man’s wife, after she lies to him about where she is going to be? What could the irate cuckold do, anyway? There are such things as bullet proof vests, you know. And, the husband may be a bad shot anyway! I think that the \*\*Koxinga \*\*is looking at her/the situation through rose colored glasses, and too many people here are egging him on, so, I’ll be quick and to the point: NEVER GET WITHIN 100 FEET OF HER EVER AGAIN. Best wishes, hh ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/44 "2010-08-14T01:44:28Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > > [@kidneyfailure](#): > > > > Regardless of how platonic you and she know you are, mixed-gender friendships become problems with you marry other people. > > Hogwash. Both my wife and I have several friends each of the opposite sex, some married now some not, and it’s never been an issue to go out unchaperoned. > > In fact, don’t know anyone who’s married who has such issues. I’m not comfortable making such a sweeping generalization; every person is different, every relationship is different, every friendship is different, and every situation is different. You might not know about the boundaries in your friends’ marriages, but I would bet you they’re there. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/45 "2010-08-14T04:05:07Z")
dude - your wife knows this woman. Kill two birds with one stone (snicker) and have your wife call. Your wife will be much better at understandng any cross cultural minefields and you won’t inadvertently piss your own wife off. The t wo of them will figure out how you’ll meet - luch, as families, and maybe just a girls night out to yak about y’all. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/46 "2010-08-14T04:16:19Z")
Eh, probably not. The last communication I had with my friend was nearly two months ago (no word since the prior phone conversation), and I’m ready just to write it off. And though my wife is acquainted with her, I don’t think they’ve got a lot in common. I appreciate the replies to this thread, as it’s been sort of theraputic before I just go ahead and forget the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/47 "2010-08-14T05:15:52Z")
This seems par for the course to me. Male-female relationships are different in China, and (in my opinion) not in a way that benefits women. Poor girl figures marrying a rich guy will get her out of some trouble and then discovers she gets to spend the rest of her life as a decorative piece of property? Sounds like about half the people I knew. And people wonder why I didn’t fall in love with the place. How often do you want to bet the dude goes out to KTV? ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/48 "2010-08-14T12:24:02Z")
> [@Koxinga](#): > > The other thing was apparently the guy was fairly rich, or at least well off, while she came from a pretty poor background; and apparently one of the things that sealed the deal for them, so to speak, was that he agreed to pay off all of her substantial credit card debt. Nope; no red flags there at all. Hey, what’s that huge red thing blocking out the sun?!? ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2010, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045/49 "2010-08-14T21:00:18Z")
How about getting your wife to arrange things? Or, what **China Guy** said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hi-old-friend-in-town-1st-time-in-10-years-love-to-see-you-but-ill-have-to-lie-to-my-husband/550045.md?page=2)