Hiding from a Boy Scout!

Why the ever loving fuck should I stop what I am doing and answer the door for anyone? Unless I am expecting someone, I don’t ever answer the door. I don’t care if it’s a Boy Scout or the Queen of England*. If you come during a weekend day, you might, if you looked through the front window, see my tv on and me lying on the couch. Too bad. It’s not about you. It’s my home and it’s all about me.
*Calm down British pedants, it’s just an expression.

I sold cookies as a Girl Scout (hated it) so I have some sympathy for the task, but why on earth do you think people should interrupt whatever they’re doing to accommodate you and your son? You’re invading their privacy.

  1. Near as I can tell, they don’t have tins anymore. It’s all in bags and boxes. The one I bought, can’t remember the size, of caramel corn was $10.

  2. The bag said 70%.

I was in Camp Fire Girls (now Camp Fire Club) in elementary and middle school, and I sold candy door to door. I hated it. Looking back at it, the markup was absolutely outrageous, and the only reason people bought that shit was because it was “for a good cause”. I’m sure that the candy makers made far more than the Camp Fire Girls ever did.

Basically, the Scouts are selling stuff that nobody really wants, at an obscene price. Most people don’t like to tell the little kids “no”, so they don’t answer the door. Or they don’t like to be disturbed. Or they might be busy doing other things. Whatever the reason, nobody is obliged to open the door and interact with someone who is not a law enforcement official. Would you prefer to have more people just shutting the door in your son’s face?

I’m sorry but no decorative tin-no sale. If I want a large nondescript bag of stale prepopped popcorn I’ll go get it at the same place the movie theatres get it.

What do you do with all of the decorative tins?

We also did this. We sold pine needles and, when they arrived, we rode in the back of a big truck either delivering or delivering AND spreading them, according to what they paid. Taught us a lot about hard work and, I think, the scouts need to go back to this method.

Whe I was a Boy Scout, one of our most successful fund raisers was selling road flares. We got permission from a car wash to solicit their customers as they waited in line to get their cars washed. It was a useful product, pitched to people who were already in a car care frame of mind. Sold a ton of them.

Because, in my experiences, your son is in the minority that quickly takes “no” for an answer. What pretty much invariably happens with me is, when I say that I am not interested, they respond, and it goes back and forth until I pretty much have to slam the door in their faces and then listen to their behind-my-back remarks as they leave.

Question: did anybody slip your son $5 or $10 and say, “Consider it a discount for the next guy?” That’s what I usually do, if the cause is worth donating to.

Here’s an idea: have somebody sell “NO PEDDLERS OR SOLICITORS” signs door-to-door. Signs with “OR RELIGIOUS SPOKESPERSONS” added cost extra. (The only reason I don’t have a sign like that is, every now and then somebody is selling something - e.g. a coupon book for the local high school football team - that is worth buying.)

Fill them with the best damn homemade cookies in the world and give them out to friends. Pecan sandies, whiskey cookies and Sarah Bernhardts so delicious that Martha Stewart would kill herself out of shame for daring to put out her own recipe once she tasted My Beloved’s.

I use them for nails and screws and safety pins and other small loose odds and ends like that.

When I was in jobs where I could listen to the radio at work, there were at least three or four calls a day on the local buy/sell/trade call in show wanting a boy scout or girl scout to sell them popcorn/cookies during the respective seasons. “Most people don’t want” is likely to be true, but “No one in the history of the world has ever said” is decidedly not true.

I’m not sure why the love for Girl Scout cookies. Every variety they sell has an exact duplicate available at Dollar General for a dollar a box. My wife and I figure we can better help the local troop if we buy from the store and donate the price difference directly to the troop. Or even forget the cookies and donate the dollar to the troop.

One of my friends goes to a thrift shop, buys those decorative plates and tins and containers, and uses them to give out her homemade goodies. Well, she washes them well, first. But she doesn’t have to get rid of the popcorn, and the plates and containers are practically given away. She never worries about getting the containers back, either.

Now I’m kinda wishing I had been nicer to you over the years.

Confession: I’m a sucker for cheese popcorn.

Wait, what?! Really? Even the thin mints ones?

Now that I think about it I can’t swear about thin mints, because I don’t like them and haven’t looked for them. And of course, they have different names, so “exact duplicate” is a bit of an exaggeration. But I have bought their clones of both of the peanut butter varieties and the shortbreads. I thought they tasted the same. I may have to run to the store after work and check them out again.

I actually am not crazy them either. But Girl Scouts is an organization dear to my heart, and they haven’t been so annoying and discriminatory as the Boy Scouts.

If it makes you feel better, I don’t answer the door for anyone else unless I am expecting them, either.

Keebler has a variety called “Grasshoppers” that are basically thin mints.

They have their own version of Samoas and Tagalogs too.