# Hiding money from my wife. Should I? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390 "2010-03-22T21:08:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/41 "2010-03-23T20:48:08Z")
“Mrs. Belrix, what would you do with an extra $5000?” “Pay off the car.” “Ta-da!” ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/42 "2010-03-23T21:23:30Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > You’re fine if she doesn’t find out. If she does you’re sunk. How about cashing the check, and hiding it in your closet/workbench/wherever… but… **in an envelope marked “Romantic Weekend Fund”**? So if she finds it, her first reaction is to say is “_Awww…_” instead of **Arrrrr!**" ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/43 "2010-03-23T21:26:28Z")
Oh, maybe you need to mark that envelope “ **Romantic Weekend for me ‘n’ Mrs. Belrix** ” Fund… just so’s there be no question who’s going away on that weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/44 "2010-03-23T21:45:27Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > \[magnanimous] You may all live as you please! [/magnanimous] 😃 > [@digs](#): > > Oh, maybe you need to mark that envelope “ **Romantic Weekend for me ‘n’ Mrs. Belrix** ” Fund… just so’s there be no question who’s going away on that weekend. Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. 😃 😃 Ha HA! I have used THREE smileys in this post! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/45 "2010-03-23T21:50:05Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > Other people’s financial arrangements freak me out. I work hard for my money; it’s mine. My partner also works hard and has money, which is not mine. Each of us pays an equal amount into a joint account, and from that we pay the mortgage, bills etc. Other than that, our money is our own. Obviously it would be different if one of us wasn’t working, but as it is (and seems to be for the OP as well - you’re both earning, right?), why wouldn’t I be “allowed” to spend my own money? Whether I choose to spend it on myself or my partner is my business: it’s my money. > > We’ve been together for ten years and have never once had an argument about money or been in any financial trouble. When one of us has been unemployed in that time, the other has passed over a bundle of notes, which then became the other person’s money and hence none of the original earner’s business. I don’t know if either of us paid the other back - I doubt it, since neither of us cares about money, but we have both been in that position so it probably worked out. I have no idea how much money my partner has, and vice versa. Its fascinating that you don’t care what your partner does with his money and don’t think its any of your business, but how I handle mine makes you “freak out” and you think its your business to comment on it. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2010, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/46 "2010-03-23T21:58:31Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > It’s your bonus. You earned it. It isn’t like your hiding what you really make from your wife. It is nice you are thinking about surprising your wife with a trip. > > I never considered a ‘bonus’ being something to share? Does she share her bonus with you? Mine was my fun money to do buy something I had been wanting for a long time. > > A surprise trip for the both of you can’t be a surprise if you spill the beans. If I was your wife I would rather have the surprise trip. Very romantic! I can’t believe I used the same word four times. I think must like surprises? I need a nap… :smack: ---
**Author:** ![SCSimmons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e495f1/32.png) [@SCSimmons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCSimmons)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2010, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/47 "2010-03-24T04:01:17Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > That’s usually a W-2 form. You only get a W-10 if you’re doing your taxes in binary format. That’s the best way to do them! Last year, my earned income was $10010011101100110. That looks pretty damn snazzy on the 'ol 10000010000 form, believe you me! ---
**Author:** ![DragonAsh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DragonAsh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DragonAsh)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2010, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/48 "2010-03-24T13:29:40Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > If you’re using it to surprise your wife with something special, I can’t even imagine why it would be wrong. I have a coworker, who hides every additional penny he can squeeze out of a stone from his wife and kids. Why? > > He has a whole secret family in the Philippines. He sends them as much as he can. > > THAT’S wrong. > > Joe I think we might have the same coworker… ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/49 "2010-03-24T17:53:30Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Its fascinating that you don’t care what your partner does with his money and don’t think its any of your business, but how I handle mine makes you “freak out” and you think its your business to comment on it. Steady now. Maybe read post 40 and get back to me. I did come back to clarify because I realised it might sound critical, and it wasn’t intended to be. But, well, this is a message board. People have discussions. I would apologise for offering an opinion, or taking part in the sharing of anecdotes, but I kind of think I’m allowed to. Incidentally, there are a lot of people taking part in this thread, and four posts in between yours and mine. What made you think I was commenting specifically on _your_ arrangements? ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2010, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/50 "2010-03-24T18:04:12Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > Steady now. Maybe read post 40 and get back to me. I did come back to clarify because I realised it might sound critical, and it wasn’t intended to be. But, well, this is a message board. People have discussions. I would apologise for offering an opinion, or taking part in the sharing of anecdotes, but I kind of think I’m allowed to. Incidentally, there are a lot of people taking part in this thread, and four posts in between yours and mine. What made you think I was commenting specifically on _your_ arrangements? I didn’t think you were. And I really did mean the word “fascinating” not “offended.” Because it is fascinating to me that you don’t think your husband’s use of his money to be any of your business, but find the financial arrangements of strangers to be worth commenting on. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390/51 "2010-03-24T20:13:33Z")
Well, it’s a discussion, so I decided to take part! There seemed to be a preponderance of people telling the OP that he had to account for every penny to his wife, so I thought I would mention that actually though people are in a relationship, not all of them feel that they have to be completely interdependent financially to that extent. I can’t imagine having to account for every penny I earned and how I spent it. I personally would, and do, love to be surprised with holidays, trips, gifts, meals out, tickets for plays etc. That wouldn’t be possible if my partner felt unable to spend any of the money _I didn’t earn_ without asking me. If we need to have a financial discussion, or if there’s a big bill that isn’t part of the usual household expenses, then we deal with that and it’s fine. How much we earn isn’t a secret, I just can’t remember. I can’t remember exactly how much _I_ earn, let alone remember both. Bank statements, credit card bills etc are left lying about openly. There aren’t any secrets. It’s not “not my business” in a “keep your beak out of this!” way. It’s just that I don’t care enough about it to make it part of what I keep in my head. I certainly wouldn’t take on my partner’s financial affairs in addition to my own: that would be dull, and also, we’re both adults who can manage for ourselves. If either of us wasn’t fulfilling our obligations, it would be time for a rethink maybe, but in that instance it wouldn’t just be the money that was the problem; to me, not paying your way shows a lack of respect for the other person, assuming you’re capable of contributing. I’d be worried about my relationship if that became the case. So… there you go. I contributed because I felt I had something to say that wasn’t the same as what other people were saying, and may help the OP to make his decision. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hiding-money-from-my-wife-should-i/533390.md?page=2)