# High maintenance/low maintenance women--WHAT? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 17, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995 "2011-01-17T21:22:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/101 "2011-01-20T04:05:55Z")
the term is not necessarily bad is it? like how dogs are more high maintenance than cats? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/102 "2011-01-20T04:09:14Z")
> [@DivineComedienne](#): > > I’m a female, but I’ll respond. “High maintenance” to me means someone (man or woman) needs a lot of attention, reassurance, etc. This attention can be material (gifts and such) or sometimes just time and effort (constantly needs to be reassured that you care, wants frequent compliments). Some might call this “needy” or “insecure”; I call it “exhausting”. It’s like trying to fill a bucket when there’s a hole in the bottom. Exactly this. Or like my mom used to say, “trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon”. And I’ve always heard it used regardless of the person’s gender. It’s the attitude. I’ve dated a few myself (not for long though :D). ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2011, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/103 "2011-01-20T09:16:56Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > the term is not necessarily bad is it? like how dogs are more high maintenance than cats? Without qualifiers, it does tend to be a negative attribute. But relationships are built on the concept of both partners “needing” each other to some extent. Without that need for relationships, I don’t think people would bother having anything but casual sex partners. Thus, there are people who need people to need them, some more than others. Thus someone that one person considers high maintenance might be perfect for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/104 "2011-01-21T06:26:55Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Well, we kinda do, just like men do. I’d go so far as to say that all _human_ relationships require _some_ maintenance. Oh I agree (and find it amusing when I have to quote something from you, base don our names). I’m just finding out why this irks me and others, especially when it seems to be used for women more than men, and I think it is this notion that a wife or girlfriend is someone who needs to be ‘maintained,’ like a plant, or a pet, or a car. Something you leave at home and keep healthy, when you can bother. It feels a tad dated. ---
**Author:** ![kapri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4491bb/32.png) [@kapri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kapri)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/105 "2011-01-21T15:51:07Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Oh I agree (and find it amusing when I have to quote something from you, base don our names). I’m just finding out why this irks me and others, especially when it seems to be used for women more than men, and I think it is this notion that a wife or girlfriend is someone who needs to be ‘maintained,’ like a plant, or a pet, or a car. Something you leave at home and keep healthy, when you can bother. It feels a tad dated. Yes, I think that’s what bothers me about it, too; it’s a label that, to me, seems to diminish the humanity of the person being labeled. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/106 "2011-01-21T15:57:47Z")
For better or worse, that’s what all labels do. I don’t place ‘high-maintenance’ any higher or lower than ‘slob’. It’s certainly not as bad as ‘wife beater’. ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/107 "2011-01-21T17:18:09Z")
> [@kapri](#): > > Yes, I think that’s what bothers me about it, too; it’s a label that, to me, seems to diminish the humanity of the person being labeled. Well, so does calling someone an asshole. But that doesn’t mean that people aren’t assholes. And it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t categorize people who are assholes as assholes. Some people are loquacious. Some people might view this as a good thing. Other people might view this as a bad thing. But it’d be stupid to not call someone loquacious when they are loquacious. I don’t get it, do you think people should not use the term high maintenance? What about needy? Or clingy? Those terms are more frequently applied to women than to men, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t call men needy or clingy (they do) or that needy or clingy wouldn’t be fair ways to describe certain women. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/108 "2011-01-21T18:25:54Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I only use the term high-maintenance for women who are fast machines who always keep their motors clean. Are they the best damn women that you’ve ever seen? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2011, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/109 "2011-01-22T06:17:13Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Oh I agree (and find it amusing when I have to quote something from you, base don our names). I’m just finding out why this irks me and others, especially when it seems to be used for women more than men, and I think it is this notion that a wife or girlfriend is someone who needs to be ‘maintained,’ like a plant, or a pet, or a car. Something you leave at home and keep healthy, when you can bother. It feels a tad dated. I get what you’re saying, but I see it as more the fault of the woman than of anyone else; if she doesn’t like being labelled as high-maintenance, maybe she should be lower maintenance. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/110 "2011-01-23T15:40:46Z")
> [@kapri](#): > > Yes, I think that’s what bothers me about it, too; it’s a label that, to me, seems to diminish the humanity of the person being labeled. It bothers women because the implication is that her man doesn’t think of her as a beautiful princess he is willing to love and take care of forever but finds her annoying as fuck. Litterally. Just slightly less annoying than he enjoys having sex with her. A woman doesn’t consider herself high maintenance. She just wants what she wants. “I want you to look at my new shoes”. “I want to have dinner with the Annoyingtons this week.” “I don’t you going out late with your friends.” “I want to redo the kitchen.” The guy is just “I want to get laid”, “I want some peace and quiet.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/111 "2011-01-23T16:10:26Z")
> [@xoferew](#): > > You can also have a high maintenance car that you’re always washing and buffing and tuning up under the hood, right? Or a high maintenance dog that needs lots of grooming and clipping and organic food that you make in the blender? Some people take pride in having high maintenance stuff in their life. Hell yes. A jacket I own even has a high-maintenance _zipper_. This type of zipper, until recently, hadn’t been made since 1940, and a) looks really cool, with metal anchor plates and rivets and stuff, but b) breaks a lot, and c) can _not_ be bought separately at any price. The jacket maker insists on doing _all_ repairs. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995/112 "2011-01-23T16:15:54Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Hell yes. A jacket I own even has a high-maintenance _zipper_. This type of zipper, until recently, hadn’t been made since 1940, and a) looks really cool, with metal anchor plates and rivets and stuff, but b) breaks a lot, and c) can _not_ be bought separately at any price. The jacket maker insists on doing _all_ repairs. And this is good, how? And to add to **msmith** : there is just so much effort for bullshit I have each day…I would MUCH rather the relationship not suck all that effort up. The relationship I have with my wife takes NO effort to maintain, because were at compatible ends of the maintenance scale. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/high-maintenance-low-maintenance-women-what/567995.md?page=5)