# Hilarious one-liners from B Movies (or worse) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 29, 2014, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566 "2014-05-29T16:26:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/41 "2014-06-01T16:18:07Z")
From [_Bang_](http://www.amazon.com/BANG-King-Jeff/dp/B000056PJM): ‘I’ll cut off your nose and shove it up the mouth of your dick!’ ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/42 "2014-06-01T20:22:58Z")
Back in college my roommate and I rented a movie called “Attack (or maybe it was Assault?) of the Killer Bimbos”. The only thing I remember about the entire movie was a line from one of the bimbos: “I’ll never be a dancer! I’m too stupid! I should have gone to college!” ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/43 "2014-06-01T21:22:07Z")
From _ **The Tingler** _, 1959, starring Vincent Price as Dr. Warren Chapin Isabel Chapin: “The only way Dave Morris will marry my sister is over my dead body.” Dr. Warren Chapin: “Unconventional but not impossible.” I remember my brother saw this movie as part of a Saturday morning children’s matinee and it traumatized him. He had nightmares for months, dreaming the tingler was coming for him. I watched it many years later on late-night television, and GEEZ - I can’t imagine showing that movie to little kids. For adults though, Vincent Price delivered quite a few wry one-liners like the one above. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2014, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/44 "2014-06-01T22:05:53Z")
From _Invasion Of The Saucer Men_: Teenagers accidentally run over an alien. The dead alien’s had detaches and punctures their tire, so they make their way to a farmhouse to report the accident. In the meantime, a drifter finds the alien’s body. The other aliens kill him by injecting him with an overdose of alcohol. Then they start bashing the car. The teenagers surmise that the aliens are angry at the car for killing one of them. It finally dawns on them that they’ve been framed. The aliens damaged the car to make it look like the teenagers hit the drifter. The hilarious like comes from the girl: ‘And we thought they were mad at the car!’ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/45 "2014-06-02T00:16:39Z")
Some of these mentioned aren’t B movies so much as parodies, though those are also often good lines. Back in college, my roommates sat up and watched a film we’d never heard of called RobotJox. It was the only non-Japanese giant fighting robot film we’d ever seen. It was bad, but we were thrilled to see it just the same. The line we kept coming back to was from one of the bad guys with a German accent talking smack to his competitors in a robot jock bar: “Do I hear a squick?” We bandied this retort around for years. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/46 "2014-06-02T02:17:26Z")
Victor Mature as Samson in _Samson and Delilah_: “I don’t need that spear. It’s only a very young lion.” _Message From Space_ (1978), a Japanese “answer to Star Wars” is a dull, predictable piece of film. It is memorable to me because I saw it at the Drive-In with a buncha friends and we got to hear the greatest line ever. When the Evil Emperor rose from his throne, and stepped forward to address his court, and thereby the audience, he raised his arms, and we heard: “The Concessions Stand will be closing in five minutes. In five minutes the Concessions Stand will close!” And with that he flourished his robe, turned and resumed his throne. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/47 "2014-06-02T04:08:40Z")
I don’t know the title, but it was a Die Hard rip-off with Shannon Tweed and Andrew Dice Clay (oh, you know it’s a winner right there!). She’s an action-movie star trapped in a hotel taken over by terrorists. One of the henchmen describes her thusly: “She’s like…Bruce Lee, with boobs!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2014, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/48 "2014-06-02T04:46:02Z")
Two of my “go to” movies: _The Beast of Yucca Flats_ which gives us these gems: > [@](#): > > Well, doctors can’t help her. Maybe angels, but not doctors. > [@](#): > > (Narrator) Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers. and the great _Robot Monster_: > [@](#): > > He’s dead, and there’s nothing we can do. > [@](#): > > “He’s impervious!” > “Unless we find his weak spot!” I love the 1953 version of _The War of the Worlds_ but if I drop or knock over something I’m partial to crying > [@](#): > > My instruments! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![danhanegan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb9ed0/32.png) [@danhanegan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danhanegan)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/49 "2014-06-03T06:37:06Z")
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: “John Valuk is dead, he fell on his head.” There are lots of great lines in this movie. The character names are even funnier. Just don’t expect anything to actually make sense. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2014, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/50 "2014-06-03T14:48:00Z")
Some of these are awesome! I guess I should have clarified, we looking for the trash talk one-liners before during or after kickin’ some ass! Also here is a classic from [“They Call Me Bruce?”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGKKtqK4ocA) ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/51 "2014-06-05T17:01:16Z")
50’s movie. COG? Location, secret underground research base. Dr. Scientist A: We could be attacked by the enemy. Dr. Scientist B: What damage would result from an atomic bomb? Dr. Scientist A: First level and above would be destroyed. Dr. Scientist B: I recommend evacuating everyone from the first level. Dr. Scientist C: But everybody is at lunch right now! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/52 "2014-06-06T03:44:14Z")
> [@danhanegan](#): > > The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: > > “John Valuk is dead, he fell on his head.” > > There are lots of great lines in this movie. The character names are even funnier. Just don’t expect anything to actually make sense. Yeah, it makes a lot more sense if you read the novel. Also: “Xello, xoney, I vant to speak to John Bigbooty at Yoyodyne propulsion-a systems!”\* “Laugh while you can, monkey boy!” - Where ‘x’ is a velar fricative. ---
**Author:** ![MrKnowItAll](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrknowitall/32/87_2.png) [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2014, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/53 "2014-06-08T16:13:03Z")
“Only a Sith deals in absolutes!” Hey, to me _Revenge of the Sith_ was a B-movie. ---
**Author:** ![Sefton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Sefton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sefton)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/54 "2014-06-08T16:37:07Z")
At the end of [Dark Angel](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099817/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1): Evil alien, skewered on a steel rod: “I come in peace.” Dolph Lundgren picks up the alien gun and fires: “…and you go in pieces, asshole!” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2014, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/55 "2014-06-08T17:42:33Z")
_Big Trouble in Little China:_ David Lo Pan: Now, this really pisses me off to no end! ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2014, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/56 "2014-06-11T20:17:50Z")
From the movie Forbidden Zone: The Midget king of the 6th dimension is talking about his army of zombies and zombie babies. King Fausto: Just wait until those dead babies start marching, then you’ll be eating your words! ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/57 "2014-06-17T00:31:32Z")
> [@Kuru](#): > > Nitpick: Christopher Plumber. Nitpick: Christopher Plummer. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/58 "2014-06-17T02:06:46Z")
> [@CaptMurdock](#): > > I don’t know the title, but it was a Die Hard rip-off with Shannon Tweed and Andrew Dice Clay (oh, you know it’s a winner right there!). She’s an action-movie star trapped in a hotel taken over by terrorists. One of the henchmen describes her thusly: > > “She’s like…Bruce Lee, with boobs!” > > 😃 I believe that’s [No Contest](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110675/?ref_=nv_sr_2). ---
**Author:** ![Smitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Smitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smitty)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/59 "2014-06-17T11:47:07Z")
From **Bulletproof** Danny Trejo - "The fuck is this?" Gary Busey - "Your worst nightmare, butt horn." ---
**Author:** ![HelloKindWorld](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e79b87/32.png) [@HelloKindWorld](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelloKindWorld)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2014, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566/60 "2014-06-17T12:18:53Z")
Oh man, do I love getting drunk and watching me some B movies. There was one line I had in my head recently, but I can’t seem to recall it now. Also, “Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man”(?) has a few real gems in it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-one-liners-from-b-movies-or-worse/689566.md?page=4)