# Hilarious - Surviving Whole Foods **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 28, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820 "2014-11-28T13:23:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/1 "2014-11-28T13:23:32Z")
I realize this blog is over a year old but as we have a Whole Foods store opening up down the street and I hadn’t heard of them, I decided to google them. That’s when I stumbled on [this blog on the Huffington Post](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-maclean/surviving-whole-foods_b_3895583.html)…Hilarious! This girl is funny and I laughed until the tears were streaming down my face. I don’t think I can ever shop there. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/2 "2014-11-28T14:31:21Z")
I didn’t like this sentence, however : > [@](#): > > Ever notice that you don’t meet poor people with special diet needs? A gluten intolerant house cleaner? Of course there are such people, and it’s an issue. In Italy, gluten-intolerant people, regardless of income, get some kind of food stamps allowing to buy gluten-free products in specialized shops. I think it’s a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/3 "2014-11-28T15:01:29Z")
A Whole Foods moved in literally down the street (way, way, down, in the next, much more upscale town). We’ve visited there several times, and my daughter MilliCal remarked that it’s not a grocery store for poor people. Or, for most things, for us. Awesome variety and unusual products, but awesome in a different way) prices. Except for one thing They have the cheapest wine I’ve ever seen. They’ve got what Pepper Mill calls “Three Buck Chuck”. It’s not the real Charles Shaw wine that Trader Joe’s sold for $2, but it DOES cost only $3. And it’s very good. They also have a slew of wines at prices of less than $10 that are also much better than you would think for that price. They have wines at all prices, actually, up to Ludicrously Expensive, but the inexpensive ones are cheaper than I’ve seen at any wine or liquor store. I figure it must be a loss leader, used to entice people in to buy their other stuff. Myself, the only reason I go into Whole Foods is to buy the cheap wine. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/4 "2014-11-28T15:10:11Z")
Comparing Trader Joe “THree Buck Chuck” with Whole Foods “Three Wishes” (also in the Huff Post, I see): > **[Taste Test: Two Buck Chuck vs. Three Wishes](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/best-cheap-wine_n_3617647)** > > Turns out $2.99 can get you more than one brand. ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/5 "2014-11-28T15:50:41Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I didn’t like this sentence, however : > > Of course there are such people, and it’s an issue. It’s a joke. > [@clairobscur](#): > > In Italy, gluten-intolerant people, regardless of income, get some kind of food stamps allowing to buy gluten-free products in specialized shops. I think it’s a great idea. Not exactly. People officially diagnosed with Celiac disease may receive a monthly stipend to cover the higher cost of gluten-free products. Secondly, there is a designated list of eligible gluten-free products that can be purchased with this stipend. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/6 "2014-11-28T15:53:18Z")
I might have added ‘namaste’ to ‘bless your heart’ in my repertoire of things I can say to the public that won’t get me fired. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/7 "2014-11-28T17:21:04Z")
You haven’t been properly Whole Foodized until you shop at the Berkeley Whole Foods. The first time I went, I was just grabbing a sandwich and a drink for lunch. Standing in line, there was an abandoned cart next to me so I set my things down in it while I got my credit card out of my purse. When I picked them back up, a lady who had joined the line behind me DRESSED ME DOWN LOUDLY for not returning the cart to its proper place. Everyone glared at me, even the people who knew it wasn’t my cart. The second time I went I had gotten a bag of yogurt raisins from the vast selection of healthy snacks - the ones you eject from plastic containers into a bag. At the check-out, the cashier looked my bag over, gave me a withering glance and asked loudly and snootily “WHY DIDN’T YOU MARK THE NUMBER ON THE BAG?” I had no idea I was supposed to have done this. The third time, as I entered the store, a TWO year old in an $800 stroller slowly looked me up and down as if a hobo had entered her personal space. I loved the place - so much variety, delicious freshly prepared foods to go and of course, that _attitude_, which I found hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2014, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/8 "2014-11-28T17:40:18Z")
I never knew “namaste” was the same as “Bless her heart”. ---
**Author:** ![Lochdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/edb3f5/32.png) [@Lochdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lochdale)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2014, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/9 "2014-11-29T04:40:01Z")
Won’t the market figure it out? If there is a market for smug, then it will survive otherwise it won’t. Service is fine there and the meats are good too but no better then you would get at a butcher (though slightly cheaper). ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2014, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/10 "2014-11-29T08:23:41Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > You haven’t been properly Whole Foodized until you shop at the Berkeley Whole Foods. > > The first time I went, I was just grabbing a sandwich and a drink for lunch. Standing in line, there was an abandoned cart next to me so I set my things down in it while I got my credit card out of my purse. When I picked them back up, a lady who had joined the line behind me DRESSED ME DOWN LOUDLY for not returning the cart to its proper place. Everyone glared at me, even the people who knew it wasn’t my cart. > > The second time I went I had gotten a bag of yogurt raisins from the vast selection of healthy snacks - the ones you eject from plastic containers into a bag. At the check-out, the cashier looked my bag over, gave me a withering glance and asked loudly and snootily “WHY DIDN’T YOU MARK THE NUMBER ON THE BAG?” I had no idea I was supposed to have done this. I don’t know what it is with extremely liberal areas and odd behavior in upscale supermarkets but I have witnessed it too. I used to work near one in Cambridge, MA and went their frequently for lunch with a female coworker. One time we went in, grabbed our lunch and started to sit down at the small in-store eating area when a woman walked up and asked us point blank if we could supervise her three kids for 45 minutes or so while she shopped with no prior introduction. Of course we said yes. That is when I met the Chicken Teriyaki kid. All of the kids were well-behaved but the middle boy who was about 6 years old apparently lived on nothing but Chicken Teriyaki. Let me qualify that. He was way more picky than that. Not just any Teriyaki would do. It had to be Whole Foods Chicken Teriyaki. That isn’t quite right either. It had to be Chicken Teriyaki from that specific store made by the same person that always made it or it was right out and he would not eat it. He had been living off of it since he was two. We learned from his older sister that their father was some type of famous doctor and they had just gotten back from an around-the-world trip. They had to have that Chicken Teriyaki flown in to meet them as resupply missions at every point along the way. They were sweet kids for the short time I knew them but their mother completely lost in space. The other weird one came about when I was standing in a long line for the cashier because it was unusually busy. When I got to the front of the line, a very well dressed man accused me of cutting in front of him in the line even though we had both been there the entire time. He was incensed beyond belief. The cashier saw the whole thing so she gave me a lecture about not cutting in line in the future to calm him down. I still can’t explain that one. I did learn that upscale supermarkets in very liberal areas aren’t the place you want to be if you expect rational and friendly behavior as a general norm. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/11 "2014-11-30T10:45:10Z")
> [@Sparky812](#): > > It’s a joke. > > Not exactly. People officially diagnosed with Celiac disease may receive a monthly stipend to cover the higher cost of gluten-free products. Secondly, there is a designated list of eligible gluten-free products that can be purchased with this stipend. OK, thanks for the precision. Still a good idea. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/12 "2014-11-30T11:25:57Z")
[Appropriate music video here. It still makes me laugh.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UFc1pr2yUU&index=34&list=FLzjh3pdDFbJNkFZ8LIKis9w) I like Whole Foods. I try to buy organic when I can, and the same brands that are carried in regular grocery stores are cheaper at WF. I’ve also found many staples are the same or cheaper, like pasta sauce, ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce - the organic selections. Yea they’re more expensive compared to conventional stuff, but comparing apples to apples, WF does OK on more stuff than you would think. I also avoid high fructose corn syrup and any oil hydrogenation. Since those are on the WF banned list, it’s really nice to go there and not have to read labels. Really nice. Do I shop there all the time? No, but only because there isn’t a very convenient one between work and home right now. I make a special trip every couple of months. There will be one in walking distance this spring, and I will likely be there weekly once it opens. Can’t wait. ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/13 "2014-11-30T11:52:57Z")
On thing I like about our Whole Foods is they do NOT have magazines in their checkout lines with the lurid headlines about celebrity sex scandals. Is this the same at other WF’s? ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/14 "2014-11-30T12:49:54Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > [Appropriate music video here. It still makes me laugh.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UFc1pr2yUU&index=34&list=FLzjh3pdDFbJNkFZ8LIKis9w) > > I like Whole Foods. I try to buy organic when I can, and the same brands that are carried in regular grocery stores are cheaper at WF. I’ve also found many staples are the same or cheaper, like pasta sauce, ketchup, mustard, BBQ sauce - the organic selections. Yea they’re more expensive compared to conventional stuff, but comparing apples to apples, WF does OK on more stuff than you would think. > > I also avoid high fructose corn syrup and any oil hydrogenation. Since those are on the WF banned list, it’s really nice to go there and not have to read labels. Really nice. Do I shop there all the time? No, but only because there isn’t a very convenient one between work and home right now. I make a special trip every couple of months. There will be one in walking distance this spring, and I will likely be there weekly once it opens. Can’t wait. WF really has a banned list of ingredients? The nearest WF to me is 50 miles away and the last time I shopped there was about a year ago. I liked it. Yes, lots of pretentious, foodie and woo products but nobody was forcing me to buy those. I wish there was one closer to me. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/15 "2014-11-30T14:43:47Z")
The last time I went to Whole Paycheck I asked for talcum powder. The clerk responded in disbelief, “this is Whole Foods!!!” Who knew? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/16 "2014-11-30T15:17:45Z")
People are only rude because other people let them get away with it. Stop enabling bad behavior. ---
**Author:** ![sparky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/77aa72/32.png) [@sparky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sparky_1)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/17 "2014-11-30T15:54:21Z")
Few know that the Zombie Apocalypse will start at a Whole Foods. It’ll linger there a few days before spreading forth. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/18 "2014-11-30T15:54:49Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > WF really has a banned list of ingredients? [Yep.](http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/about-our-products/quality-standards/food-ingredient) I’m glad I checked the list before I went there last week to find foie gras. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/19 "2014-11-30T17:37:30Z")
> [@Ravenman](#): > > [Yep.](http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/about-our-products/quality-standards/food-ingredient) I’m glad I checked the list before I went there last week to find foie gras. Holy shit. How precious is that? ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820/20 "2014-11-30T18:52:24Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > The third time, as I entered the store, a TWO year old in an $800 stroller slowly looked me up and down as if a hobo had entered her personal space. Just whip out the latest model iPhone and display your Peta donation app. Its the secret sign. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-surviving-whole-foods/705820.md?page=2)