# Hilarious things you have witnessed from children.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-things-you-have-witnessed-from-children/260653>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 20, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-things-you-have-witnessed-from-children/260653 "2004-08-20T03:02:34Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 2\
**Page:** 5

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**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\
**Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-things-you-have-witnessed-from-children/260653/81 "2004-09-16T05:46:29Z")

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Great reminder **Mona Lott**.

The firstborn of close friends rushed downstairs, visibly upset, and interrupted the adult conversation. It seems the dog had mangled his toy figure. He stuffs the doll into Mom’s face and wails, “Kiss my Woody!”

His Father and I excused ourselves to the garage for a “BWA HA HA HA” moment.

Friends had their cat fixed, and Dad made up a song about the surgery, not aware that Junior was within hearing range. In the supermarket, Junior sings:

_Numb nuts the cat, numb nuts the cat,  
prowlin’ and a growlin’ and a wonderin’  
where it’s at_

Littlecats and I go for our annual holiday pictures. The female photographer is rather well endowed, as is my ex. Littlecats decides to announce, “When I grow up, I’m gonna have big boobs, just like Mommy. Doesn’t Mommy have really big boobs, Dad?” :o

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**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\
**Post date:** [September 16, 2004, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilarious-things-you-have-witnessed-from-children/260653/82 "2004-09-16T06:12:43Z")

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My daughter was about 8 or 9 and I was tucking her in one night when she informed me that she had been reading one of my _Redbook_ magazines and that she had read a Sex Survey …

Me: “Oh?” (my god…I thought)  
Daughter: “I have just 2 questions.” (again I thought oh my god…just 2?)  
Me: “What are they?”  
Daughter: "Well, first of all, what is…_oral sex?_  
Me: “Sometimes when people really love each other they may want to … (most simple description I can muster.)  
Daughter” “Yuck! That’s exactly what I thought!” (me thinking—whew!)  
Me: “What is your other question?”  
Daughter: “What is orgasm. You spell it O R G A S M.” (me thinking…I can spell it but can I explain it to an 8 year old)  
Me: "Well, when 2 people really love each other sometimes when they…(again the simplest answer I can muster)  
Daughter: “Oh, ok, goodnight!”

😃

My friend and I were having coffee in her kitchen shortly after the birth of her daughter. Her son, about 3 at the time wandered into the nursery.

He came back into the kitchen, glared at us and slammed one of the circular deodorizers for diaper pails onto the table between us:

**"Bad cookie!"** he yelled at us…like _what were you guys thinking??_

We jumped up and washed his mouth and called Poison Control and determined we had done the right thing and that no harm was done…

Then we gave him a real cookie and laughed about his perception of our our “cookie baking skills” for a long time.

😃

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