# Hilariously bad rhymes in songs, part IX **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 3, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927 "2005-12-03T18:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/1 "2005-12-03T18:44:46Z")
This has been done before, I feel certain of it–so certain, in fact, that I need not even check the archives. However, as there’s nothing new under the sun, etc.: What is the worst rhyme you’ve ever heard in a song? (Poetry is allowed, but grudgingly so. 😉 ) To qualify, the rhyme must either a) not actually rhyme at all or b) rhyme, but in a hilariously bad way. My own examples come from the exalted Kanye West, whose music I enjoy because it’s mindbogglingly hilarious (whether intentional or not is debatable). How can you not love a man who endeavors to rhyme: 1. “harsh” with “SARS” 2. “mirror” with “euro” 3. “Anakin” with “mannequin” with “Aniston” with “panickin’” Now, go forth! Be fruitful and multiply! And most importantly, bring back some hilariously bad rhymes so that we can point and laugh at 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/2 "2005-12-03T18:49:02Z")
From the bluegrass classic, “Mountain Dew” (by Grandpa Jones and others): “My Uncle Nort Was sawed-off and short. He stood about four foot two. But he felt like a **giant** when you give him a **pint** of that good old mountain dew.” ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/3 "2005-12-03T19:03:16Z")
More from Kanye: rhyming TYCO lipo Michael, and Geico. That’s pretty awesome. ---
**Author:** ![La\_Llorona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@La\_Llorona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/La_Llorona)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/4 "2005-12-03T19:06:03Z")
Oh, and I can’t believe I forgot my favorite bad-Kanye-rhyme of all time: > [@](#): > > I thought my Jesus piece was so harmless > Till I seen a picture of a shorty, armless “Harmless” + “armless” = 😛 ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/5 "2005-12-03T19:06:27Z")
[http://www.lyricsdownload.com/desree-life-lyrics.html](http://www.lyricsdownload.com/desree-life-lyrics.html) > [@Des'ree](#): > > I don’t wanna see a ghost > It’s the sight that I fear most > I’d rather have a piece of toast > Watch the evening news ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/6 "2005-12-03T19:11:55Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > From the bluegrass classic, “Mountain Dew” (by Grandpa Jones and others): > > “My Uncle Nort > Was sawed-off and short. > He stood about four foot two. > But he felt like a **giant** > when you give him a **pint** > of that good old mountain dew.” Actually, in the accent they’re singing with, it DOES rhyme… jaynt/paynt ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/7 "2005-12-03T19:24:23Z")
In “Christmas in New Orleans”, “Santa Claus” rhymes with “Mean ol’ jailhouse”. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/8 "2005-12-03T19:33:19Z")
Steve Miller’s **Take the Money and Run** is practically an étude in godawful rhyming. The best/worst part is this verse: \*Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas You know he knows just exactly what the facts is He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice He makes his living off of the people’s taxes \* ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_meister](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolf_meister/32/15202_2.png) [@wolf\_meister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_meister)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/9 "2005-12-03T19:52:07Z")
From Mark Dinning’s “Teen Angel”: Just sweet sixteen, and now you’re gone They’ve taken you away. I’ll never kiss your lips again _They buried you today_ Supposedly, this song was written as a tongue in cheek love ballad, but I prefer to think it was dead-on serious and perhaps they contrived the parody story when everyone found the line so laughable. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/10 "2005-12-03T20:05:25Z")
**Teen Angel** was conceived as a parody (it’s a very funny song if you give a slight pause before “They buried you today”) or the various “death rock” songs (e.g., “Last Kiss”), but it was recorded as a straight lament for the death of his love. I second **Take the Money and Run** for truly awful rhyming. The perfect example of rhymes that don’t rhyme is Louis Macniece’s poem “Bagpipe Music,” where every line sort of rhymes, but doesn’t. Examples include rickshaw/peepshow, python/bison, sofa/poker, whiskey/fifty (from the first eight lines). However MacNeice makes it work. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/11 "2005-12-03T20:16:27Z")
> [@Biffy the Elephant Shrew](#): > > Steve Miller’s **Take the Money and Run** is practically an étude in godawful rhyming. The best/worst part is this verse: > > \*Billy Mack is a detective down in Texas > You know he knows just exactly what the facts is > He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice > He makes his living off of the people’s taxes \* That’s _exactly_ the one that came to mind when I read the OP. I really, really hate Steve Miller. He also seemed to have some difficulty finding something to rhyme with _time_ in the following line from _The Joker_: Lovey dovey, lovey dovey, lovey dovey all the time Ooh wee baby, I sure show you a good time Asinine, vacuous _bastard!_ ---
**Author:** ![borschevsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/97f17d/32.png) [@borschevsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/borschevsky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/12 "2005-12-03T20:21:53Z")
I always liked _A Tribe Called Quest_ rhyming **hernia** with **furniture**. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/13 "2005-12-03T20:42:13Z")
> [@Rysdad](#): > > I really, really hate Steve Miller. He also seemed to have some difficulty finding something to rhyme with _time_ in the following line from _The Joker_: That sucks, and I agree about Miller in general. Can I make a non-specific nomination? Anybody who has repeatedly rhymed “way” with “away.” ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/14 "2005-12-03T20:47:32Z")
If I’m not mistaken, there’s a part of R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” where he rhymes _midget_ with _twisted_. That’s bad enough, but he does it in a part of the song with a character named Bridget! Yeesh. ---
**Author:** ![BlackNGold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@BlackNGold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackNGold)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/15 "2005-12-03T21:31:26Z")
I know I’ve posted this before, but it bears repeating: The song is Motorhead, by Motorhead: _Fourth day, five day marathon_ _We’re moving like a parallelogram_ ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/16 "2005-12-03T21:56:47Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Actually, in the accent they’re singing with, it DOES rhyme… jaynt/paynt True, but it’s still bad. From Weird Al: “Now Norman’s a billionaire scientist Who never had time for his son But then something went _screwy_ and before you _knew he_ Was trying to kill everyone” Groan inducing. Funny, but groan inducing. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/17 "2005-12-03T21:58:17Z")
My favourite is probably Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” "Generals gathered in their masses… Just like witches at black, um, _masses…_" Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/18 "2005-12-03T22:00:51Z")
Last Kiss: Where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me She’s gone to heaven so I got to be good So I can see my baby when I leave this world. In the undying words of Dave Barry, “Frankly, if I were the Supreme Being, I would have a rule that you could not get into heaven if you had ever deliberately rhymed good with world.” ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/19 "2005-12-03T22:06:49Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > My favourite is probably Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” > > "Generals gathered in their masses… > > Just like witches at black, um, _masses…_" > > Bravo! Curse you, **Larry Mudd**! I was just two posts away from, um, posting this one myself! The hell with it, I’m doing it anyway: My favourite is probably Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” "Generals gathered in their masses… Just like witches at black, um, _masses…_" 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2005, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/20 "2005-12-03T22:07:22Z")
I’ve always liked Sloan’s creative triple rhyme in Money City Maniacs: And the _joke is,_ When he a_woke his,_ Body was covered in _coke fizz._ A friend of mine swears the “coke fizz” part is actually “goat jizz”, which would make it pretty awesomely gross. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927.md?page=2)