# Hilariously bad rhymes in songs, part IX **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 3, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927 "2005-12-03T18:44:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/41 "2005-12-04T12:10:52Z")
“And there ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe, the light I never knowed. And there ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe; I’m on the dark side of the road…” His Bobness, obviously. Dunno if it really counts as hilariously bad, though, cos I love it to death. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/42 "2005-12-04T16:01:19Z")
Near rhymes (e.g., blame and stain) don’t bother me. Silly rhymes (purple and syrple) delight me. What I hate are cliched rhymes and contrived rhymes. Don’t be obvious, don’t be stupid. So anyone that rhymes “love” with “the stars above” or “life” with “cuts like a knife” oughtta be smacked, unless they’re thirteen, in which case I’ll make a minor exception. And anyone that makes rhymes like I want you to know, I want you to know That it’s to your house where I will go\* oughtta be duct-taped up in the interests of National Security. Daniel - Made-up example ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/43 "2005-12-04T16:25:00Z")
Sometimes I really like to play with bizarre rhymes in my songs, although I try my best to make them a little more intelligent than the examples here. I think my most successful bizarre rhyme was in a whimsical story song of alien abduction, populated with outlandish rhymes, including such as: _And as I flew into the air my vision seemed to fade I musta pissed my pants ‘cause I was so damn afraid_ \*And then the green men told me that I now belonged to them And informed me of their diabolic plans and stratagems \* \*They mentioned how they’d planted microchips inside my head And how the government made certain that the public was misled \* and my personal favorite: \*Don’t know how long I lay there while they measured and they probed But from now on I’ll always be a full-fledged xenophobe \* ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/44 "2005-12-04T16:34:16Z")
Heh–reminds me of a song I wrote for class, based on the children’s book _Beegu_ and sung to the tune of a familiar Christmas carol. I really like the first rhyme in it: \*O little Beegu alien Who crash-landed on our earth: You talk to people gaily and They give you a wide berth. You snuggle up with puppies, but grownups kick you out. You go down to the playground And the children laugh and shout. But teacher thinks you’re freaky She kicks you from the group The kids say goodbye tearfully, Give you a Hula hoop. You trudge away from town, yup you’re feeling really sad. Another spaceship beams you up: Hooray! It’s mom and dad\* Instant classic, I tell ya. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/45 "2005-12-04T17:25:51Z")
oh yes, and you can’t forget Arlo Guthrie’s classic rhyme in _The Pickle Song_ I don’t want a pickle just wanna ride on a motor sickle I don’t wanna die Just wanna ride on my motor cy (cle) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/46 "2005-12-04T17:53:10Z")
> [@picker](#): > > oh yes, and you can’t forget Arlo Guthrie’s classic rhyme in _The Pickle Song_ > I don’t want a pickle > just wanna ride on a motor sickle > I don’t wanna die > Just wanna ride on my motor cy (cle) > 😃 And I don’t want a nickle I just want to ride on my motor sickle Of course, he did it on purpose poking fun at the very things we are talking about. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/47 "2005-12-04T19:55:19Z")
Yes – there are plenty of examples of humorous songs that use a rhyme that’s not a rhyme for comic effect. Tom Lehrer was a master of this: When you attend a funeral It is sad to think that sooner or l- ater your friends will do the same for you. And then there’s Cole Porter’s “Brush Up Your Shakespeare”: > [@](#): > > Just declaim a few lines from “Othella” > And they think you’re a heckuva fella. > If your blonde won’t respond when you flatter 'er > Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer, The song goes on for ages like this, each strained pun funnier than the previous one. It’s only awful when the lyricist isn’t deliberately going for laughs. It’s the same sort of think with Guthrie: he knows the rhym ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/48 "2005-12-04T20:28:49Z")
I hate country music. Songs like “On the Verge” by Collin Raye are the reason why: > [@](#): > > One more slow dance with your arms around me, > One more long glance, and nothing will slow down me! It’s bad enough that he rhymes “me” with “me.” But changing the words around to force the rhyme just makes me want to clean out my ears with kerosene, then stick lit Q-tips into them. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/49 "2005-12-04T22:20:02Z")
How about these from _I Don’t Wanna Wait_ by Paula Cole? \*\*So open up your morning light, And say a little prayer for I You know that if we are to stay alive Then see the peace in every eye… \*\* Changing the grammar to force a rhyme, and then making it a _bad_ rhyme, to boot? That’s just _wrong_! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/50 "2005-12-04T23:18:16Z")
**Bette Davis Eyes** , by Kim Carnes “… she’s **precocious** , and she **knows just** what it takes to make a **pro blush**.” ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/51 "2005-12-04T23:31:02Z")
> [@Pochacco](#): > > **Bette Davis Eyes** , by Kim Carnes > > “… she’s **precocious** , > and she **knows just** > what it takes to make a **pro blush**.” I thought it was “ **crow** blush.” ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/52 "2005-12-04T23:31:12Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Yes – there are plenty of examples of humorous songs that use a rhyme that’s not a rhyme for comic effect. Tom Lehrer was a master of this: > > When you attend a funeral > It is sad to think that sooner or l- > ater your friends will do the same for you. And on the subject of Professor Lehrer, we also have him to thank for _The Folk Song Army_: > [@](#): > > The tune don’t have to be clever, > and it don’t matter if you put a couple of extra syllables into a line. > It sounds more ethnic if it ain’t good English, > and it don’t even gotta rhyme - excuse me: rhine. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/53 "2005-12-04T23:33:04Z")
More Bobness rhymes, from his totally sincere and inept years: He’ll see by his grave On the stone that remains Carved next to his name His epitaph plain: Only a pawn in their game. where anything with a long ‘a’ counts as a rhyme. My God, what a heap of pretentious poeticisms he was. Some of what’s being cited here as incompetent rhymes, however, seem to me to be deliberate off-rhymes, jokes, and perfectly good echo-rhymes. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/54 "2005-12-05T00:06:39Z")
> [@pseudotriton ruber ruber](#): > > where anything with a long ‘a’ counts as a rhyme. My God, what a heap of pretentious poeticisms he was. I’ve never heard of that in a rock song before, but that’s not so awful. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/55 "2005-12-05T01:47:51Z")
U2 All Because Of You - I like the sound of my own voice I didn’t give anyone else a choice An intellectual tortoise \* I mean, puhlease. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/56 "2005-12-05T02:47:31Z")
From the king of the wonderfully bad rhymes - Tom Lehrer **Smut** Smut, give me smut and nothing but, a dirty novel I can’t shut If it’s uncut, and unsub-tle ---
**Author:** ![Grelby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a5b964/32.png) [@Grelby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grelby)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/57 "2005-12-05T04:08:48Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > Yes – there are plenty of examples of humorous songs that use a rhyme that’s not a rhyme for comic effect. Tom Lehrer was a master of this: > > When you attend a funeral > It is sad to think that sooner or l- > ater your friends will do the same for you. > > And then there’s Cole Porter’s “Brush Up Your Shakespeare”: > > The song goes on for ages like this, each strained pun funnier than the previous one. > > It’s only awful when the lyricist isn’t deliberately going for laughs. > It’s the same sort of think with Guthrie: he knows the rhym Along the same lines, we have Jim Infantino (Jim’s Big Ego) and his wonderful song, _You Rule_: > [@](#): > > You rule like a queen in the land where queen is king > You rule like Captain Janeway > You rule like **Zool** [!] and I’m a **fool** for **yooouul** > -lone, and I don’t know what else to say… Ah, what fun! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/58 "2005-12-05T12:29:41Z")
Moderator speaks: Please, folks, read the [Forum Rules](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=343601), and especially Rule 2. You might also want to read the [Registration Agreement](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=347160), from which I quote: > [@](#): > > You agree not to post any copyrighted material unless the copyright is owned by you or by the operator of the SDMB, except as permitted by the “fair use” provisions of the U.S. copyright laws (in general this means brief excerpts only). You agree to abide by the wishes of the board moderators in interpreting and enforcing these rules. Refusal to cooperate with board moderators or to abide by these rules is grounds for revocation of your posting privileges. Please, do NOT quote the entire lyrics of a song. A couple of lines are OK, but any more than that gets into gray legal areas where we do not want to tread. If you want people to read the whole song, provide a link to a legit website that has copyright permission. I have gone through several posts and deleted all but the first couple of lines quoted. That probably didn’t catch the awful rhymes that you were trying to illustrate, to which I say: tough. You want to emphasize bad rhymes, then quote those two lines, not the whole stanza or poem. ---
**Author:** ![ms.deanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b3f665/32.png) [@ms.deanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ms.deanna)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/59 "2005-12-05T16:33:18Z")
" To the window!..to the wall!..til the sweat drips from my balls! Lil Jon & The Eastide Boyz. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2005, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927/60 "2005-12-05T16:40:39Z")
Lou Monte’s “Dominick the Donkey”: > [@](#): > > A pair of shoes for Louie, > And a dress for Josephine. > The labels on the inside says, > They’re made in Brooklyn (pronounced “Brook-a-lean”). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-bad-rhymes-in-songs-part-ix/333927.md?page=4)