# Hilariously stupid customer stories **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 1, 2008, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480 "2008-08-01T12:28:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/161 "2008-08-08T16:55:42Z")
[QUOTE=muldoonthief] I’m betting she redirected the stdout of an application to grep, instead of piping: /home/moron: this\_produces\_some\_output \> grep “foo” instead of: /home/moron: this\_produces\_some\_output | grep “foo” [/QUOTE] I’d followed up with some more research and that’s exactly what happened but didn’t come back to post it because I feared it ventured into “geeky”. Bingo, **muldoonthief** , impressive call you just made there! Need a job? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/162 "2008-08-08T17:11:29Z")
Speaking of leaving messages, I remember a few years ago a co-worker got a very irate message on her voice mail from someone. The person kept saying, “Hello? Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?” and went on this long obscenity-laced tirade about people who answer their phones and then don’t say anything. It was surreal, to say the least. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/163 "2008-08-08T17:27:23Z")
[QUOTE=lieu] I’d followed up with some more research and that’s exactly what happened but didn’t come back to post it because I feared it ventured into “geeky”. Bingo, **muldoonthief** , impressive call you just made there! Need a job? 😃 [/QUOTE] If I admit I figured it out because I may have made that exact error a time or two (though I caught it right away), will the job offer stand? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/164 "2008-08-08T17:30:35Z")
I once had the manager of a bar I was in throw a pint glass at me. Hit me in the chest with it. Luckily for me, he threw like a girl. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/165 "2008-08-08T17:41:59Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t Call Me Shirley] When I worked at Arby’s a customer threw a Beef n Cheddar at the manager. I was taking orders and the manager was making them. A guy ordered a Beef n Cheddar with extra cheddar. I rang it up, charging fifty cents for the extra cheddar. I watched the manager put three squirts of cheddar (instead of the regular one squirt) on the sandwich. After taking a bite the guy comes back and says to me “I could shit more cheddar than this.” I turn to the manager and say “Tom, this guy says he can shit more cheddar than what you put on his sandwich.” The manager says “Then why did he pay an extra fifty cents for me to put on the extra cheddar?” The customer then hurled the sandwich at him; the manager ducked out of the way and the sandwich hit the refrigerator with a huge explosion of cheddar. [/QUOTE] I would have liked to work for that manager! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/166 "2008-08-08T17:58:28Z")
Customer: I could I could shit more cheddar than this. Shirley: Nobody can shit more cheddar than this. Manager: You just said he could shit more cheddar than this. Shirley: Did you ever shit more cheddar than this? Customer: Nobody ever shit more cheddar than this. Another customer: Hey, Babalugats. We got a bet here. Shirley: My customer says he can shit more cheddar than this, he can shit more cheddar than this. Hey customer, why’d you have to go and tell him you could shit more cheddar than this? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/167 "2008-08-08T18:04:06Z")
Chew on it! Gnaw on it! Get mad at that damn cheddar! ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/168 "2008-08-08T18:37:42Z")
[QUOTE=control-z] Heh, hard to tell what she was thinking. Probably stood for something. GRoup Enrichment Program? [/QUOTE] and her PATH variable was very wrong if it had her home directory (or working directory “.”) before the standard /bin:/usr/bin, etc. Bad Juju to have local paths before system paths. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2008, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/169 "2008-08-08T19:15:42Z")
[QUOTE=muldoonthief] If I admit I figured it out because I may have made that exact error a time or two (though I caught it right away), will the job offer stand? [/QUOTE] A friend of mine, when interviewing potential hires, would often ask the question “Have you ever completely borked your system so badly that you had to pretty much reinstall everything?” If they pshawed him, he wouldn’t hire them. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/170 "2008-08-09T00:09:05Z")
“Pshawed”? ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/171 "2008-08-09T01:18:59Z")
I assume it’s “Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT.” ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/172 "2008-08-09T01:31:33Z")
[QUOTE=Leaper] “Pshawed”? [/QUOTE] It could be a word! > [@Cardinal](#): > > I assume it’s “Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT.” Correct. ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/173 "2008-08-09T04:19:35Z")
I assume it’s “Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT.” ---
**Author:** ![Cardinal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardinal/32/4000_2.png) [@Cardinal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardinal)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/174 "2008-08-09T04:29:21Z")
I assume it’s “Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT.” ---
**Author:** ![arseNal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@arseNal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/arseNal)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/175 "2008-08-09T04:39:34Z")
[QUOTE=Belrix] and her PATH variable was very wrong if it had her home directory (or working directory “.”) before the standard /bin:/usr/bin, etc. Bad Juju to have local paths before system paths. [/QUOTE] What I would want to know is, how did the file get execute permissions anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/176 "2008-08-09T05:41:11Z")
[QUOTE=Cardinal] I assume it’s “Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT.” [/QUOTE] What, multipost? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/177 "2008-08-09T13:11:34Z")
[QUOTE=Cardinal] Pffft, no way, man. I’m way too good/cool to do THAT. [/QUOTE] Okay, man, no need to rub it in! 😃 BTW, can someone explain this whole “grep” thing for us non-programmers? ---
**Author:** ![Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df705f/32.png) [@Full\_Metal\_Lotus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Full_Metal_Lotus)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/178 "2008-08-09T13:50:54Z")
I think this counts as a little worse than having a cold drink thrown at you, at least on the “gross-o-meter”. If you go to a home depot, the person who is in the plumbing aisle will have an unsharpened pencil in their apron. Why? Because people come in with used toilet plumbing, p traps etc that are just GROSS! And the try to hand it to you. Sure they are holding that shit encrusted plumbing part, and want to hand it to you, so you can find them a new one. That’s when the unsharpened pencil comes out, and you grasp it on the eraser, and use it as a prod to slowly push the stinking item back towards the customer… “You can throw that in that garbage can, I got a new one over here!” FML PS - we used to sneak the “used” pencils into the manager’s pencil cup on his desk… wonder if he ever chewed them… ---
**Author:** ![snailboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@snailboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snailboy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/179 "2008-08-09T14:27:16Z")
[QUOTE=The Weird One] Okay, man, no need to rub it in! 😃 BTW, can someone explain this whole “grep” thing for us non-programmers? [/QUOTE] It’s hard to tell from **lieu** ’s post exactly what happened, but there’s a command in Unix-based operating systems called grep. It searches through a text file and displays every line containing a certain string of characters. It’s very useful for searching through log files among other things. It seems **lieu** ’s coworker made a file with that name in her home directory, gave it execute permission, and put her home directory in PATH (a system variable containing the directories to look in for commands) before the directory the real grep is in. Note that in Windows, a file is executable if it ends with .exe or .com, but in Linux, there’s an executable permission bit that can be enabled for any file, even if the file doesn’t really contain anything that could be executed. Consequently, when she ran the grep command, it actually ran whatever file she created. I really don’t see how someone could do all that by accident though. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480/180 "2008-08-09T16:22:51Z")
When I worked at a bookstore, it seemed that every day produced another example of incredible customer stupidity. My favorite was the woman who called me to ask her to help make airline reservations (“Ma’am, this is a bookstore. We don’t do that?” “Who should I call, then?” “Umm…an airline?”) There was also the woman who came in asking for the “regular books”. When I asked what she meant, she said, “the one’s for me.” (eventually, I figured out that this meant paperback fiction). Or the woman who said she was looking for certain books, but she didn’t know their names. When I asked, “what are they about?”, she said, “happenings.” I think I just backed away slowly from that one. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hilariously-stupid-customer-stories/458480.md?page=10)