# Hints at Keeping Romance Alive in Marriage? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 9, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675 "2013-01-09T21:51:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SweetiePotato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SweetiePotato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetiePotato)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/21 "2013-01-10T02:56:38Z")
> [@PandaBear77](#): > > Get a copy of “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, figure out what his language is (besides Blowjobese) and speak it to him often. (The 5 languages are acts of service, gifts, touch, words of affirmation and quality time.) MrPanda is all about QT, he’s happy if we just hang out and misses me if I’m working a lot of overtime. My language is acts of service – I feel most loved if someone DOES something for me, even if it’s something little. For example, MrPanda usually starts the car for me in the mornings so it’ll be nice and warm when I leave for work. Stuff like that. > > FWIW, what you’re going through is normal. Not a phase, just like olives said. “Falling in love” gets us to the altar. Commitment is what makes us stay after the warm squishy feelings die down a bit. Oh, Mr. SP is definitely an “acts of service”. Nothing gets him purring faster than me offering to stand up and fetch the remote so he doesn’t have to rise from his horizontal position! ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/22 "2013-01-10T07:56:24Z")
I’ll echo dates. It is very easy to get stuck in the house because going out is a pain. One thing we do is to have a subscription to a local theater company. Not all that expensive, it supports a good cause, and it forces us to go out and have some fun. Married over 34 years, so it definitely works. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/23 "2013-01-10T09:12:05Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > You’re doing all the things you wish he’d do for you to show you he loves you. He’d rather have blowjobs. This is probably the wisest and most insightful thing I’ve read on a message board. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/24 "2013-01-10T09:19:20Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > 1. Don’t nag. Ever. > 2. If you want him to do (or not do) something ask him. Don’t hint around the subject. Don’t sulk as if he should already know what you want. Just straight up ask. > 3. Say thank you when he does it and mean it. > > - you’ve already got all the blow job advice you’ll ever need. Advice for **QuickSilver** on maintaining marital romance. Don’t make tired sexist remarks to your wife. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/25 "2013-01-10T09:40:45Z")
> [@SweetiePotato](#): > > Well, since I love giving blowjobs, I think we have that particular issue covered :)~ > > Perhaps, next time, I’ll whip out a cookie from between my legs. That’ll blow his mind… This could probably become a top-rated video on YouTube. 😛 As for me and my twenty year marriage? I’m thrilled with planning things together similar to date nights. We’re broke, but we recently purchased a Groupon to go see a double-feature drive-in for Valentines. Then our next step will be finding a unique place to eat on our outing and any other thing that can enhance our little trip. It’s like a scavenger hunt. Fun and sweet. ---
**Author:** ![ptr2void](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ptr2void/32/3406_2.png) [@ptr2void](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ptr2void)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/26 "2013-01-10T10:56:50Z")
> [@](#): > > forcing your spouse to receive a b/j Does not compute. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/27 "2013-01-10T11:46:15Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Do you really think that forcing your spouse to receive a b/j is going to help matters? Forcing?! What bizarro dimension are you posting from? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/28 "2013-01-10T11:54:21Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Advice for **QuickSilver** on maintaining marital romance. Don’t make tired sexist remarks to your wife. 😕 Which specific part(s) was tired and sexist? ---
**Author:** ![Hilary\_Algar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilary_algar/32/4282_2.png) [@Hilary\_Algar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilary_Algar)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/29 "2013-01-10T13:05:15Z")
Have a designated “date night” outside the home once a week, every week with just the two of yourselves. Make no exceptions-we’re tired, we’re broke, etc. will not cut it. If missing a date night is inevitable, make it up in the very same week if at all possible. Try at all costs to avoid that “slippery slope” of missing a few in a row–too easy to start making excuses for not meeting and next thing you know your not doing it anymore. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/30 "2013-01-10T15:48:53Z")
> [@Hilary\_Algar](#): > > Have a designated “date night” outside the home once a week, every week with just the two of yourselves. > > Make no exceptions-we’re tired, we’re broke, etc. will not cut it. If missing a date night is inevitable, make it up in the very same week if at all possible. > > Try at all costs to avoid that “slippery slope” of missing a few in a row–too easy to start making excuses for not meeting and next thing you know your not doing it anymore. I think this sort of thing is why my first response was that it very personal, something that you can’t extrapolate to everyone else. If I had to do this in my relationship I would end it. This is just the most depressing thing I can imagine. I don’t mean it in a bad way about your relationship, of course, it’s great that it works for you and many other people. But forced “dates” every week? Uugh! Sounds like some kind of middle class midlife crisis torture to me. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/31 "2013-01-10T15:51:29Z")
Has anyone mentioned blowjobs yet? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/32 "2013-01-10T15:57:58Z")
I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/33 "2013-01-10T16:24:25Z")
Top seller on the list of world’s shotest books: **The Secret To A Happy Marriage** Page1: Blow Jobs Page 2: Give Lots of them. Page3: The End ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/34 "2013-01-10T16:32:37Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > 🙂 > > Quips like this is why you’re on of my favorites **Dung**. Aw, shucks! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/35 "2013-01-10T17:02:49Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > You’re doing all the things you wish he’d do for you to show you he loves you. He’d rather have blowjobs. Has anyone mentioned yet that this post is absolutely spot on? It doesn’t necessarily have to be blowjobs. When you mention the word “romance” I think most woman think of flowers, candles, dinner out. Guys think of the sex they get when they bring the flowers and candles. So, if you want to keep the romance in a marriage just don’t forget that that includes sex in some form. Or maybe that’s just me. I’ve pretty much stopped bringing the flowers and giving the backrubs because those things aren’t romantic to me and I am not getting the things I think are romantic in return. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/36 "2013-01-10T17:46:13Z")
> [@SweetiePotato](#): > > Perhaps, next time, I’ll whip out a cookie from between my legs. That’ll blow his mind… Especially if it went in unbaked. ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/37 "2013-01-10T18:50:37Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > If I had to do this in my relationship I would end it. This is just the most depressing thing I can imagine. I don’t mean it in a bad way about your relationship, of course, it’s great that it works for you and many other people. But forced “dates” every week? Uugh! Sounds like some kind of middle class midlife crisis torture to me. 😛 Indeed. My BF and I love nothing more than staying in together and locking the doors knowing we don’t have to go out because everything we need is within our walls. Going out on occasion is nice, but we’d much rather cuddle up in our home and watch something on tv (movie, tv show, whatever). ---
**Author:** ![crazytooth615](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazytooth615/32/4890_2.png) [@crazytooth615](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazytooth615)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/38 "2013-01-10T19:10:44Z")
Give him back massages without being asked to. This always makes my man feel special. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/39 "2013-01-10T20:38:08Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > Indeed. My BF and I love nothing more than staying in together and locking the doors knowing we don’t have to go out because everything we need is within our walls. > > Going out on occasion is nice, but we’d much rather cuddle up in our home and watch something on tv (movie, tv show, whatever). Write back in 10 or 20 years, especially when you have kids cuddling gets interrupted by crying, diaper changes, and homework. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2013, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675/40 "2013-01-10T23:26:32Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Especially if it went in unbaked. [That reminds me of a scene from “Disaster Movie”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRItyv_v9mM) (last 10 or so seconds, but the “Head On” bit is funny, too). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-at-keeping-romance-alive-in-marriage/646675.md?page=3)