# Hints for the public, when dealing with clerks **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 27, 2004, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244 "2004-01-27T02:02:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/21 "2004-01-27T16:54:29Z")
> [@](#): > > If you must steal, do not insult the clerk’s intelligence This also means: do NOT go into my department, take a high-priced book off the shelf WHILE I AM WATCHING YOU, and immediately try to “return” it. I won’t believe you. Ever. By the way, your name is now on a list of people to NEVER EVER accept returns from. And if you try the “I know your boss / manager / etc.”, I’ll tell you the same thing I told the LAST person that tried that. “Yeah, so do I, and they told me that they don’t want me allowing scumbags like you to steal from this company. Leave, and never come back. Really.” ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/22 "2004-01-27T17:05:58Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > So, if Oprah finally marries that Steadman dude, she’ll no longer be the Whore of Babylon? Is it like Miss America, where there’s a runner up who takes over the duties of Whore of Babylon if the winner is unable to fulfil them? If every woman on Earth who has any money at all got married, would that mean the Whore of Bobylon would be a toothless baglady scrounging cans behind the local Piggly Wiggly? 🙂 At first, it was just “She was the richest unmarried woman in the world.” But as he elaborated on his divine vision (which included the fact that he was in the Bible, too), he added other reasons why Oprah was the Whore of Babylon: she encouraged the toleration of divorce and homosexuality :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > Can I still use you as an object lesson for my children while I pay for my purchases? “See what happens if you don’t do your homework, Timmy? Do you want to end up a clerk like this useless schlub?” Why not go all out: “See Timmy? This guy has a bachelor’s degree, and he’s still a clerk. You’d better get at least a PhD…” > [@](#): > > If I were you in this situation, I would insist, absolutely deadpan, that the magazine is in English. Especially if you can read French, and can translate on the fly. 😃 I like this one… ---
**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/23 "2004-01-27T17:08:36Z")
> [@CheekyMonkey613](#): > > I think I had that guy!!! When I was a dealer at the Montreal Casino. I was dealing Roulette, and some guy was getting real pissed off that he was losing (understandable). But he had an attitude from the minute he showed up at my table. He was a young dude (23 maximum) with a “my shit doesn’t stink” attitude. Sadly, not the same guy. This one was at least 60. That means there are two of these asshats running around this city. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/24 "2004-01-27T17:12:54Z")
I always say I learned more about life in three months of working as a supermarket clerk than in the average year of college. Great rant, **Hamish**. May I add two more? **–If you have a coupon for one company’s product, but you’re buying another company’s product, we will not accept your coupon.** I don’t care if it “tastes the same,” Company X won’t reimburse us for Company Y’s coupon. **–You cannot buy cigarettes with food stamps.** Remember, the operative word in “food stamps” is “food.” You can’t pay for cigarettes with winning lottery tickets, either–you have to cash the ticket first, then come back here with your gambling proceeds. No, I’m not going to “cash your ticket for you.” ---
**Author:** ![Cyros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a698b9/32.png) [@Cyros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyros)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/25 "2004-01-27T17:18:31Z")
[QUOTE=Hamish] [li] **Do invent laws on the spot** Where I worked, in Quebec, Canada, it is indeed legal for me to set an Interac minimum[/li][/QUOTE] Actually, if you read the Interac contract it does state that you cannot discriminate between cash, credit cards, or bank cards. Cyros (former employee of a credit/debit card processing company) ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/26 "2004-01-27T17:43:40Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > I always say I learned more about life in three months of working as a supermarket clerk than in the average year of college. Great rant, **Hamish**. Words of wisdom, to which I can add very little. **Corollary to "Don’t Ask Me To Break The Law For You: Your Alcoholism Is Not My Fault, Nor My Problem.** I once worked in a convenience store. Local blue laws prohibited the sale of alcoholic beverages on Sunday before twelve noon. I learned to hate working Sunday mornings, because that was the time you could nearly ALWAYS count on some chump wandering in and trying to buy beer at nine in the morning… and going all fruity-gumballs when I told him I could not sell him the beer. These people NEVER simply said, “Oh, wow, forgot, sorry,” and put the beer back. Instead, they fell into a variety of categories: _The Lawyer._ “It is NOT illegal to sell beer on Sunday!” Well, pardon me, asshole, but my boss says it is, and he’s the one who pays me. The cops who come in at all hours for their coffee seem to think it is, too. Why, then, should I listen to you? _The Whiner._ “Oh, come on, man, just sell me the beer.” “No, I can’t do that. It’s illegal.” “Oh, come on, take the money.” “No, I’m not interested in being charged with a crime and losing my job.” “Look, I’ll throw in another five.” “No, sir, I don’t feel like risking jail, a fine, and unemployment for five dollars.” “Oh, come on, man, just sell me the beer.” _The Johnny Depp Pirate Guy._ “But WHY won’t you sell me the beer?” “Because it’s illegal to sell beer on Sunday before noon.” “But WHY won’t you sell me the beer?” “Because I could get busted, fined, and lose my job over it.” “But WHY won’t you sell me the beer?” _The Combatant._ “Look, I’m takin’ this beer. You can take my money or not.” “Okay. You realize you’re on camera?” “Man, don’t make me bust you up.” “Okay. You realize you’re on camera?” “Man, just TAKE THE MONEY! Don’t MAKE me come over that counter!” “Okay. You realize you’re on camera?” Weirdly enough, although any number of customers seemed to think I should violate the law so they could have beer, I never actually had one who violated the law HIMSELF so he could have beer… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/27 "2004-01-27T17:57:28Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > This summer as I was waiting tables, I cut off one of my customers because he had been overserved. Sorry to but in, but what does “he had been overserved” mean ? I worked retail during university summer holidays, but at a very posh tailors shop in Eton. We also did dry cleaning through a contractor, it is remarkable how dirty the trousers of the rich and famous can be, and if you don’t wear underwear your dry cleaner will know the fact and wont respect you for your choice in going comando. ---
**Author:** ![Chicago\_Faucet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chicago_faucet/32/13910_2.png) [@Chicago\_Faucet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicago_Faucet)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/28 "2004-01-27T18:15:18Z")
You might want to check out the following link: [www.actsofgord.com](http://www.actsofgord.com) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/29 "2004-01-27T18:47:52Z")
IANAClerk, nor am I **jarbabyj** , but I believe “has been over-served” is a euphemism for “he is blind-ass drunk and obnoxious”. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/30 "2004-01-27T19:04:08Z")
> [@Hamish](#): > > [li] **Do not masturbate in the porn section** \*[/li] Oh, don’t worry. I always do my masturbating in the frozen foods section. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/31 "2004-01-27T19:13:29Z")
Indeed, being “over served” is having had too much to drink. AFAIK, in most US states, the restaurant/bar, server, bartender and/or house manager can be held liable if they serve someone to the point of intoxication and/or allow him/her to drive. I learned this tidbit in my “Beverage Control” class. Good class… included brewery and winery tours. College was fun. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/32 "2004-01-27T19:41:41Z")
Not a clerk and never been one, but after spending 35 years in public service, my favorite is the time-honored classic: **"My taxes pay your salary"**. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told that little gem. At least now it doesn’t make me quite so homicidal. I received an email from a political candidate awhile ago, asking me to distribute it to all my employees, and to support him in the upcoming election. I sent a polite reply asking him not to send me any more emails and to remove me from his mailing list, since I was supporting someone else. I got the expected response that since I was a state employee, and his taxes paid my salary, that he was free to send me any damn thing he wished. My response? “Yes, you are free to send me any email you wish. Bear in mind that you have asked me to distribute your political agenda on a state-owned server, which is against state regulations, and to campaign for you during work hours at my place of business, also against state regulations. Our records, including email traffic, are subject to the Freedom Of Information Act, which means that your emails to me are public record and may be requested by any member of the public, including your political opponents. Have a nice day.” Never heard from him again. ---
**Author:** ![gleeb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f14d63/32.png) [@gleeb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gleeb)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/33 "2004-01-27T20:04:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Do not tell the clerk how easy his or her job is While I’m not about to do this, I worked as a retail clerk, and I know. It is easy. The pay’s crap, there’s no chance of health insurance, and you’re treated like meat by employer and customer alike, but the work _is_ easy. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee59a6/32.png) [@CrazyMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyMonkey)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/34 "2004-01-27T21:28:45Z")
**Master Wang-Ka** ’s post reminded me of one of my favorite stories as a grocery store clerk. At about 10 o’clock on Saturday night, a group of 3 kids came into the store and proceeded to make asses of themselves. Playing with merchandise, making loud, rude, unfunny jokes, general obnoxious showoff behavior. Then one of them came into my aisle with a case of beer while his two friends stayed a ways off, trying to pretend not to be with the guy in my line. Riiiiiiight. Luckily, I didn’t have to worry about checking those kids’ IDs, as the one in line wasn’t even legal. He was about 2 hours short of being 21. Of course I heard a lot of “Awww, c’mon man, it’s my birthday! I’ll be 21 in a coupla hours!” When that didn’t work, he got rude and threatening. Helpfully, I mentioned that we were open 24 hours, and he could come back at midnight, when he turned 21. Sure enough the kids came back at about midnight, and were once again making asses of themselves. Once again, the birthday boy came to my line, while the other two tried to look innocent. The birthday boy set his case on the counter, and I looked at him with a smile and said, “I’m sorry sir, but it’s Sunday morning. No alcohol sales before noon.” 🙂 Made my night. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/35 "2004-01-27T22:15:57Z")
**Crazymonkey** , that was _cold_. I _like_ it. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Ashes\_Ashes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/36 "2004-01-27T22:35:08Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Not a clerk and never been one, but after spending 35 years in public service, my favorite is the time-honored classic: > > **"My taxes pay your salary"**. > > I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told that little gem. At least now it doesn’t make me quite so homicidal. Oooh, I’ve gotten that one only once and it was enough. I was standing in line at a convinience store, wearing my “teacher of the month” t-shirt when some guy tried to pick me up. He wasn’t getting anywhere, being a jackass, so he told me I had to go have a drink with him, since his taxes paid my salary. I already had my money in my hand, so I put a quarter in his paw and told him “Then here’s me returning your share for the year, now go away.” ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/37 "2004-01-27T23:20:51Z")
Oooh! I’ve got another. Don’t grab porn mags, bring them up to the register and ask me which one is better. And don’t ask me to look at the pictures. And if you think I’m dumb enough to agree to try some of the poses out, you deserve to be shot. I used to hate that when I was working at a convenience store. 9 times out of 10 the person asking was some ghoulish middle-aged man with a sick grin on his face who actually seemed to think I’d know. Jackasses. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/38 "2004-01-27T23:23:26Z")
Oooh! I’ve got another. Don’t grab porn mags, bring them up to the register and ask me which one is better. And don’t ask me to look at the pictures. And if you think I’m dumb enough to agree to try some of the poses out, you deserve to be shot. I used to hate that when I was working at a convenience store. 9 times out of 10 the person asking was some ghoulish middle-aged man with a sick grin on his face who actually seemed to think I’d agree to some of that shit. Jackasses. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/39 "2004-01-27T23:30:50Z")
Sorry about the double (now triple) posting. Damned hamsters… ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244/40 "2004-01-27T23:39:05Z")
I forwarded this to a friend of mine who owns a convenience store close to my house. His replies were pretty funny so I thought I’d include them: **Do not run into the back of the store at full speed and then start running out again with beer.** Most people aren’t in that much of a hurry - if I see this behavior I will simply lock the door and call the police. **Don’t say you know the owner, since the owner is me and I don’t know who you are.** Bonus points for those who when confronted with this information swear that they _do_ know me. **I have nothing in the back.** There is no Taj Mahal secreted away behind my store, full of all the items that you do not see on the shelves. **I’m sorry you bought the wrong paper.** If I’ve seen you around and it’s an honest mistake, OK, maybe I’ll give you the correct paper if I have a bunch of them. If all the Sunday papers are gone and you bought the Early Sunday paper, well, they were clearly marked. **Stop using the phone.** Seriously, I use that for my business. You may make a quick call, but when you stroll in every day at the same time and walk towards the phone behind the counter and start dialing, we are going to have a problem. **Seeing your name written on the front window is a good sign that you will not be allowed to write another bad check.** Yes, it is you. I remember you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hints-for-the-public-when-dealing-with-clerks/226244.md?page=3)