I caught a few minutes of it last night at a friend’s place. I developed that squinty excessively skeptical look on my face pretty fast. When the guy said “And it’s made out of quartz crystal which is what we now use for radios so maybe it was a transmitter/receiver…” I started to snicker.
Lordy. There’s gold on the banana plugs of my speaker wire, that doesn’t mean a set of hoop earrings from 2308BC were actually part of an ancient home theatre.
And of course, the trend continues. Here’s an email I got last week:
I said “no thanks.”
Crystal skulls? I like crystal balls better. Look deep into my balls and I’ll tell your future…
As a person who was in the frequency control industry for years I thought my eyes would fall out my head from being rolled so hard and so often. As a guy who dealt with quartz every day for nearly 30 years, I can admire the crystal skulls as works of art but that’s all; shaping those things and polishing the surfaces couldn’t have been easy. Even so, I know of a man who made perfectly polished crystal balls while sitting around watching TV; it gave him something to do with his hands or so he said.
Hey, I was four. What did I know? I was dreaming big (not that that’s hard for a four-year old). 
Yeah, it wasn’t until I got to high school that I decided I wanted to do South American archaeology and in college settled on mummies. But after being a professional archaeologist for a bit, I decided to decline my PhD candidacy when it was offered to me. It was so much work for so little personal benefit and satisfaction - you have to have a real passion for it to get through the work in the field and lab. Or a hell of a lot of money.
Might want to reconsider. A friend of mine was an on-air commentator on a documentary about the history of wrestling and got $3,000 for a couple of day’s work (and got to hear his name said by Steve Allen, which is really what it’s all about).
That would be great, but last time the History Channel (or was it the Discovery Channel? One of the two) contacted me, for a documentary about Boudicca, they said that they wouldn’t pay me anything. I suggested that if they were paying their cameraman, they could pay someone who went to college for 12 years to acquire the knowledge they wanted. They decided they could do it without me!
Is it true that Boudicca was the granddaughter of Jesus or is that just what the aliens told her? (O.T., but I have a cousin who’s convinced she was Boudicca in a previous life; was going to name her daughter Boudicca but had two boys instead, which is lucky I suppose because Boudicca didn’t have much luck with girls.)
Well, she was a clone, so she’s a step-granddaughter or something.
Actually, I was a bit off in when she lived- I thought her revolt was around 75 or so but it was more than a decade earlier. If she died in 60/61, and had two teenaged daughters at the time, she probably would have been mid to late 30s, which would place her birth around 25 or so…
So that being the case she could have been Jesus’s daughter, spirited away by Joseph of Arimathea and Salome (which one? doesn’t matter- half the Herodian women had the name and every one was every other one’s aunt, cousin, grandniece and stepmother) and there wed to a Celtic king… And now there’s only one way to prove it but that would require getting to her grave in the London Underground, which is impossible to do because an order of Rasputin’s Penis worshiping monks who are fanatically loyal to the Queen of England as head of the Anglican church but unbeknownst to her are really employed by Muhammad Fayed (though they’re really donmeh and thus secretly Jewish, and the descendants of Jesus’s brothers) are guarding the tomb, which also includes Princess Di’s comatose but still living body…
You know, work in the aliens and a Jack the Ripper sideplot and I think we have a bestseller here. Dan Brown made over $100 million with Da Vinci Code- if this would just do 1/5 of that I’d be happy for this year.
In the tradition of Da Vinci Code, it’s THE BOUDICCA BOOTY CALL…
Best thing I can say about the History Channel is that here in the UK they show Dogfights.
:smack: Of course! When you add all those in, it makes perfect sense! And it explains “Paul is dead” too! Just let me scan this diagram explaining the connections. It may look random and chaotic, but that’s the beauty of the conspiracy. The underlying patterns are fractal and rely on quantum mind-over-matter techniques to fully comprehend.
Oh, Spectre, I didn’t forget the pyramids, they’re just an accidental inclusion into our dimension of the gray aliens waste disposal system. Yes, they’re compacted alien trash.
History also shows “the Universe” . Another very good show. When you find programs you do not like do not damn the whole network. Address the programs you do not like. There are lots of interesting programs on the History Channel.
This used to piss me off to no end. I haven’t been contacted by anyone as well-known as the History Channel; however, when I was a full-time freelance writer, I was constantly contacted by people who wanted me to write their memoirs for free because they were sure it would be a bestseller and I’d get all kinds of recognition. Screw that - some asshat even asked me to ghostwrite his dad’s memoirs for recognition. When I politely pointed out that the nature of ghostwriting is that no one else knows the true author, he had the gall to get mad at me.
I hate morons who think they’re doing you a favor by sending you work they want you to do for free.
Jesus, no wonder they get the rejects and crackpots they do. They’re only getting people who know their verbal masturbation isn’t worth being paid for.
Sounds like there’s teabagging in that there future.
Cool. You can read the tealeaves for a second opinion… oh, wait…
nod I understand, very much, says the woman with the BA in Public Archaeology who now does tech support.
Funny how that happens, isn’t it? I wound up as a freelance writer and, right now, a government programs product manager at a large healthcare company. Ah, well - I got to live both my dreams, which were to become a writer or archaeologist. Medicare & Medicaid product management weren’t particular goals of mine, though.
Well, not quite archeology, but the same ballpark: My first degree is in History. I also have one in Political Science. Naturally, I work in sales.