# Ho-fucking-ho: Christmas Season mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 29, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309 "2010-11-29T18:36:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/21 "2010-11-30T14:14:01Z")
I am not ruining a goddamn thing for other people’s kids just because I don’t do the whole Santa thing with my kid. The world isn’t some kind of sanitized Disneyland where you can safely send your children out and expect everyone else to play along with your stupid little games. It is not my fucking fault if “the magic of Santa” (ooh) got ruined because some other 2nd-grader had the temerity to suggest that maybe there isn’t some fat guy in a suit invading your house via the chimney every Christmas. Tell your kids whatever the fuck you want. I promise not to get all bitchy and snotty if your kids tell mine that they’re going to Hell when they die, if you promise to pull your underpants out of your fucking ass-crack about this retarded Santa Claus thing. GOD. WHERE IS MY COFFEE. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/22 "2010-11-30T14:27:13Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I am not ruining a goddamn thing for other people’s kids just because I don’t do the whole Santa thing with my kid. The world isn’t some kind of sanitized Disneyland where you can safely send your children out and expect everyone else to play along with your stupid little games. It is not my fucking fault if “the magic of Santa” (ooh) got ruined because some other 2nd-grader had the temerity to suggest that maybe there isn’t some fat guy in a suit invading your house via the chimney every Christmas. Tell your kids whatever the fuck you want. I promise not to get all bitchy and snotty if your kids tell mine that they’re going to Hell when they die, if you promise to pull your underpants out of your fucking ass-crack about this retarded Santa Claus thing. > > GOD. > > WHERE IS MY COFFEE. 10 out of 10 for an awesome rant. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/23 "2010-11-30T14:39:26Z")
Residual rant from 12 years working in grocery retail (I don’t do that anymore, thank Jebus): FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, **THINK FUCKING AHEAD**. Thanksgiving and Xmas are big grocery events and that is expected and anticipated by the store, YOU SHOULD TOO. It’s not like it’s a surprise or anything, it’s the _same fucking day every year_, so go to the goddamn store now. You’ll be glad you did, and so will the employees at the store. And yes, I am aware that some things cannot be bought a month ahead of time, but certainly the bulk of ingredients are non-perishable and can sit or be frozen until then. Sorry for yelling. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/24 "2010-11-30T14:49:58Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > It is too early for bell ringers to be out soliciting donations. Please to be waiting for December at least. I like the ones who are super-aggressive about it. So hey, and maybe this should be in GQ, but is it possible to be facing a direction that does not result in snow blowing in your face? ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/25 "2010-11-30T15:10:37Z")
**Hos fucking Hos** , that’s what I want to see, nothin’ but **Junk** on my **Fucking TV**. **Palin’s** a liar, **Kanye West** is a prick. ‘n’ **Jimmy Wales’ face** cold making me sick. Sing it with me! ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/26 "2010-11-30T15:17:43Z")
Management of The Body Shop bath and cosmetics stores: You had a Groupon offer last month or so, selling $40 merchandise vouchers for $20. These vouchers said absolutely no exclusions, can be used on sales, etc. So I was not pleased to find out that they couldn’t be used on Black Friday by customers taking advantage of your “get this awesome gift bag full of stuff for an extra $25, with a minimum purchase” deal. **However** , I was much more annoyed for what was going to happen to employees all over the country who didn’t even have an official sign to post, just the statement from managers, sent by fax a few days prior. I got in the store when it opened, and there was a pissed-off customer in line ahead of me, so I shudder to think how many more showed up with their Groupons in hand. I told the clerk that it wasn’t fair that they had no official signs to point to, and hoped she’d have a relatively smooth day. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/27 "2010-11-30T15:18:06Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Residual rant from 12 years working in grocery retail (I don’t do that anymore, thank Jebus): > > FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, **THINK FUCKING AHEAD**. And if you live in a place where grocery stores take orders: use them! Every year my mother decides she’s going to be original and not buy the same stuff everybody else is buying. Therefore, she reasons, she doesn’t need to make reservations, as everybody else will be buying the same stuff. What she forgets is that the people in stores will all be buying the stuff they expect customers to buy, i.e., that “same stuff”. I’ve got no problem with “luck of the draw” menus - it’s how I build mine - what I have a problem with is that Mom has already drawn the first draft of half the Christmas menus, she already tried to tell me all about them last week, and she’ll be wanting to tell me all the changes she makes before having set foot in a store, plus then the ones she’ll have to make once she’s actually done buying. Thank you, God, because this year she’ll mostly be doing it over the phone and we’ve already reached the point where I can just put her on the speakers and go on killing Montezuma’s troops. But there really have to be easier ways to go about feeding people than what the woman uses. ---
**Author:** ![cblackhand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecc23a/32.png) [@cblackhand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cblackhand)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/28 "2010-11-30T15:24:27Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > What is up with scratchy tags on shirts? Haven’t they figured out that screened on tags are the way to go? Why do some lines still manage to put the world’s coarsest material against their customers’ skin? I know, I know, 10 years ago wants its mini-rant back, but I was out this weekend wearing a new and fun shirt, when much of my enjoyment was irritated by this god-awful tag, so it’s fresh in my mind now. I ended up ripping it off in a bout of mini-rage. I just got some undershirts with the screened on tags, only to discover on the right shoulder they had sewn on a tag saying “inspected by number 42”. What’s the point of screening on the tag information if you are just going to put another tag on in a different spot? ---
**Author:** ![MTRG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@MTRG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTRG)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/29 "2010-11-30T15:27:17Z")
[quote=“Acid\_Lamp, post:19, topic:562309”] It is too early for bell ringers to be out soliciting donations. Please to be waiting for December at least.[ QUOTE] I doubt that I am throwing any money in your kettle, anyhow. But , I’m sure not giving you anything if you’re ringing the bell with one hand and talking on your cell phone with the other. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/30 "2010-11-30T15:31:42Z")
I cut the little tags out. If they’re actually full of information that I’ll need in the future, I staple the tags to a 3 x 5 card, and note what garment they came from and when I bought it. Since most printed tags will fade to illegibility after a few washes anyway, doing this keeps the info readable. Plus I don’t have to squirm and scratch. And if the tags are just an inspection notice, I pitch them. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/31 "2010-11-30T15:35:44Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I like the ones who are super-aggressive about it. > > So hey, and maybe this should be in GQ, but is it possible to be facing a direction that does not result in snow blowing in your face? Yes, of course it is. The direction is [Diamondhead.](http://www.travelblog.org/Photos/523925) ---
**Author:** ![Baracus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/2bfe46/32.png) [@Baracus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baracus)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/32 "2010-11-30T15:39:00Z")
To the two stupid “mothers” in the waiting room yesterday, when you insist on taking your 2-3 year olds along to chill out while their older sibling is in class, you may want to think about bringing something along for them to do beside run aroung like fucking wild animals. I would be embarassed as hell if the director of the place had felt it necessary to step in and correct my child’s behavior, but it appeared to be water off a duck’s back for you two. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/33 "2010-11-30T15:41:23Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Management of The Body Shop bath and cosmetics stores: You had a Groupon offer last month or so, selling $40 merchandise vouchers for $20. These vouchers said absolutely no exclusions, can be used on sales, etc. > > So I was not pleased to find out that they couldn’t be used on Black Friday by customers taking advantage of your “get this awesome gift bag full of stuff for an extra $25, with a minimum purchase” deal. **However** , I was much more annoyed for what was going to happen to employees all over the country who didn’t even have an official sign to post, just the statement from managers, sent by fax a few days prior. I got in the store when it opened, and there was a pissed-off customer in line ahead of me, so I shudder to think how many more showed up with their Groupons in hand. > > I told the clerk that it wasn’t fair that they had no official signs to point to, and hoped she’d have a relatively smooth day. ☹ It might have been kinder to have “reminded” the employee that the store’s fax machine had broken down the week before. ifyouknowwhatimean 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/34 "2010-11-30T15:53:16Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > And if the tags are just an inspection notice, I pitch them. I keep them too. I always want to remember who I’ve been inspected by. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/35 "2010-11-30T16:01:40Z")
Seasonal Xmas Beer. Why? Beer is good. Adding cloves and shit makes it bad. And yet every year I have to try it. Bleech. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/36 "2010-11-30T16:14:59Z")
> [@cblackhand](#): > > I just got some undershirts with the screened on tags, only to discover on the right shoulder they had sewn on a tag saying “inspected by number 42”. What’s the point of screening on the tag information if you are just going to put another tag on in a different spot? To make you angry. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/37 "2010-11-30T16:17:31Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > It might have been kinder to have “reminded” the employee that the store’s fax machine had broken down the week before. ifyouknowwhatimean 😉 Nah, I’m sure their managers Had A Talk with them on this. I just wish that the main office had sent out big official “no Groupons with gift bag special, sorry” signs so they could be posted on the doors and at the checkout, to help take some of the heat off them. The angry lady ahead of me harangued the clerk into calling a manager to double-check, because the wording did say “no exceptions” after all, and even wanted to grab the phone to talk to management. And an extra boo to the Body Shop exec who made that decision, btw. I bought the Groupon for Christmas shopping. I would have bought more stuff on the spot if I had to, in order to be able to use it then. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/38 "2010-11-30T16:59:28Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > And before you get on the airplane, they’re going to touch your testicles. What if you don’t _have_ testicles? Exactly how thoroughly will they be searching for them? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/39 "2010-11-30T17:23:58Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by **Ambrose Bierce** > It is affirmed by some that persons deliberately and with malice aforethought put themselves in the way of being killed, in order to avert the tiresome iteration of Christmas greetings. As it was in 1877, so it is today. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/40 "2010-11-30T17:26:11Z")
> [@Shirley\_Ujest](#): > > I wish I had testicles so they could be felt up at the airport. > [@Zsofia](#): > > What if you don’t _have_ testicles? Exactly how thoroughly will they be searching for them? The TSOs will gladly feel up womens’ breasts too. According to TSA, the enhanced pat-downs are to be done with the back of the TSO’s hand. So all reports, photos, and video of TSOs grabbing womens’ breasts, cupping mens’ testicles, or otherwise groping private areas with the front of their hands are lies! LIES! UNSUBSTANTIATED FANTASIES! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=3)