# Ho-fucking-ho: Christmas Season mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 29, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309 "2010-11-29T18:36:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/41 "2010-11-30T17:31:10Z")
> [@MTRG](#): > > > [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > > > It is too early for bell ringers to be out soliciting donations. Please to be waiting for December at least. > > I doubt that I am throwing any money in your kettle, anyhow. But , I’m sure not giving you anything if you’re ringing the bell with one hand and talking on your cell phone with the other. I usually don’t give any money but the other day at the grocery store there was a lady who was ringing the bell and singing Christmas songs so I gave her the couple of bucks change from the store because she was actually putting some effort into it. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/42 "2010-11-30T18:05:02Z")
Merry Christmas from Comcast: they’re raising their rates in order to support the fucking sports channels. I don’t watch the sports channels, or subscribe to them, but I have to pay extra so some asshole can get his homoerotic fix? Where’s that number for Qwest? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/43 "2010-11-30T18:09:41Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > Can I also choose the specific TSA agent who feels me up? Because I’d like a 6’2" Nordic god to do my pat-down when I fly home today. It’s quite likely he’ll be at least 6’2" side to side, with his shirttail hanging out of his pants, breathing through his mouth, and breaking a sweat everytime he has to move off that stool that is halfway up his ass. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/44 "2010-11-30T18:28:59Z")
Not holiday specific, but: If you’re involved in a social function (lunch, dinner, middle of a conversation) and you’re constantly texting/checking shit on your smart phone, you are, in fact, being a _rude asshole_. Don’t even get me started on the fools using their smart phones while they walk - apparently, doing the former cancels out your ability to do the latter. I only hope muggers target such people, since they’re obviously oblivious to their surroundings. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/45 "2010-11-30T20:26:29Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I like the ones who are super-aggressive about it. > > So hey, and maybe this should be in GQ, but is it possible to be facing a direction that does not result in snow blowing in your face? Nope. It’s against the wind to the grocery store, and against the wind back home again. I’m not quite sure how that works, but that’s just the way it is. 🙂 Somehow I always end up at Safeway on Christmas Day (or Christmas Eve Day), even though I’ve bought all my groceries in advance. There is always one more damned thing that I’ll end up needing. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/46 "2010-11-30T20:45:47Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Nope. It’s against the wind to the grocery store, and against the wind back home again. I’m not quite sure how that works, but that’s just the way it is. 🙂 > > Somehow I always end up at Safeway on Christmas Day (or Christmas Eve Day), even though I’ve bought all my groceries in advance. There is always one more damned thing that I’ll end up needing. No point in doing that. Just take a few extra hits of rum in your eggnog and then announce that “Dinner’s ready: if you don’t fucking like it, then dinner is fucking over!” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/47 "2010-11-30T21:22:37Z")
That’s addressed to _you_, my nearly eight-month-old Labrador retriever. Those towels in your pen are for bedding, since we can’t trust you not to tear up and eat an actual dog bed. Why must you continually haul out the towels and commit obscene acts with them? The frenzied humping is distracting when we’re trying to watch TV. And besides, _she’s freaking **spayed** _, for crying out loud. :rolleyes:😕:mad: ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/48 "2010-11-30T21:43:19Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Somehow I always end up at Safeway on Christmas Day (or Christmas Eve Day), even though I’ve bought all my groceries in advance. There is always one more damned thing that I’ll end up needing. [Cranberries, for instance?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rtmd-nfb7MA) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2010, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/49 "2010-11-30T21:50:58Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So hey, and maybe this should be in GQ, but is it possible to be facing a direction that does not result in snow blowing in your face? So hey, and maybe it’s a \*tad \*warmer here, but is it possible to be facing a direction that does not result in the slanting midwinter sun beaming directly into your eyes? My retinas hurt. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/50 "2010-12-01T01:59:38Z")
Fuck, My college is telling me that I have a course still to take to get my degree mailed to me. And, as you know, I’m agoraphobic to the degree that I don’t leave the house even with people. Sure, I might be able to get out, but my brain goes to mush when I do. So there goes Clepping out or even taking the course online (since they require the Final to be on campus)There’s no way I can graduate in time. And I was so looking forward to finally being a college graduate. The thing that bugs me most is that I took the flipping course. Yeah, I got a B instead of my usual A. But it seems they aren’t taking the credit. That’s just asinine. I hope they just made a mistake, or I can convince them that I did take the course, but I’m not holding my breath. Also, I hate that my heater cannot blow hot air. Sure, it’s warmer than the outside air, but it’s still cold enough to give me a chill. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/51 "2010-12-01T02:02:45Z")
My husband LOVES those Christmas TV specials. I don’t. I need to get this room soundproofed, for his safety. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/52 "2010-12-01T02:22:56Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > The thing that bugs me most is that I took the flipping course. Yeah, I got a B instead of my usual A. But it seems they aren’t taking the credit. That’s just asinine. I hope they just made a mistake, or I can convince them that I did take the course, but I’m not holding my breath. Wait, what? You took a course there, and they don’t accept it for credit? Or did you transfer it in and they’re not accepting the transfer? Why do you need to convince them that you took it - doesn’t it appear on your transcript? ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/53 "2010-12-01T04:49:02Z")
There are 31 days in December. So why the holy hell can’t all the people who are hosting events that I either am expected to attend or would LIKE to attend spread those events out a little bit? So far I have like three separate conflicts where two things I’d really like to be there for, or one thing I’d like to be there for and one thing I really SHOULD be there for, are taking place the same day and time. Quit clumping your goddamned parties, people! Tuesday the fucking seventh of December should NOT be this high in demand. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/54 "2010-12-01T07:07:11Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > [Cranberries, for instance?](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rtmd-nfb7MA) 😉 Shit, I think it _was_ cranberries last year. I had some kind of brain fart and forgot to buy them in advance, and was frantically trying to find them way too close to actual Christmas Day. ---
**Author:** ![curlcoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@curlcoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curlcoat)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/55 "2010-12-01T07:48:29Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Nope. It’s against the wind to the grocery store, and against the wind back home again. I’m not quite sure how that works, but that’s just the way it is. 🙂 If you are driving a big truck that gets 8 miles a gallon on the highway, or in town, or off a cliff, you _will_ be driving into a headwind, a good strong one. No matter where you are headed. However, if you are driving a streamlined low to the ground car that gets close to 30 miles a gallon under almost any highway conditions, there won’t be any wind at all! Over the river and through the woods!! Against the wind!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/56 "2010-12-01T14:24:53Z")
Speaking of against the wind, my way back home from Safeway yesterday (with a heavy cart with a gallon of milk in it), I took the multi-use path home as the most direct route - I was not aware that it was a corridor for a west wind, however. Screaming wind in my face for the entire 30 minutes I was on that path! Thank God it was a warm-ish west wind, not the freeze-your-flesh-on-your-bones north wind. ETA: Forgot the part where it was uphill, too! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/57 "2010-12-01T16:11:07Z")
Dear neighbor in my apartment building. When you start a load of laundry on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and leave town before the rinse cycle is complete, do not be shocked and surprised when your laundry has been moved so that others may use the machines. In my case I actually gave you a few hours in case you were still around. But frankly I had laundry to do! This is normal as I (and most people) expect to be able to use the machines while you are gone for 4.5 days. Your clothes were put on the clean table and I returned them to the machine after I was done. So get over it and don’t leave passive-aggressive notes about how horrible we all are for moving your precious wet clothes while you trotted off for the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/58 "2010-12-01T16:15:56Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > My husband LOVES those Christmas TV specials. I don’t. I need to get this room soundproofed, for his safety. Headphones. He needs to use headphones. Tell him it will give him a more immersive experience. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/59 "2010-12-01T16:38:36Z")
You. Yes **you** , all of you. You know who you are. You need to stop playing glockenspiel covers of any and every song for that cutesy woosy Christmas spirit. I _will_ burn your store to the ground. You have been warned. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/60 "2010-12-01T16:47:09Z")
Thanks Dad for the shirt. I know it’s a shirt because (a) you give me a shirt every year; (b) it feels like a shirt; and © you wrote on the customs green form on the package it was a shirt, when everyone else in the known universe writes “GIFT.” It’ll be a size 16 collar as well, because it always is. So it goes straight to the charity pile. I’m not ungrateful - I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t get me a gift, really I don’t care. But it just seems worse in some ways, that every single time you do the same thing, which makes me think you are doing this out of some sense of obligation rather than a desire to buy me a gift. So don’t! There’s no obligation. Spend the money on your grandson (and actually think about what you buy him - not like the gifts for 8 year olds you got him when he was 3, or the gifts for 4 year olds you got him when he was 8…). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=4)