# Ho-fucking-ho: Christmas Season mini-rants **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 29, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309 "2010-11-29T18:36:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/161 "2010-12-13T21:31:28Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I paid $7 for a very nice pair of pantyhose for Jim’s staff Christmas party yesterday - I think you all know how this rant goes - didn’t even make it out of the BEDROOM before they had a run in them. In other news, my dress looked quite nice, though. Spray your legs down with hairspray before you go out (after the hose are on, I mean)-- they’ll be less likely to run and wont bunch up by your knees or ankles. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/162 "2010-12-13T22:24:52Z")
Or you could just not wear hose like every woman on the planet who is under 57. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/163 "2010-12-13T22:49:08Z")
Did you know that falling down the stairs and breaking your tail bone hurts just as much the second time as it does the first time? yeah. It’s so fun. It’s also so fun because I have a bajillion sewing projects left to finish in these last couple of weeks before Christmas and now it hurts like the dickens to sit at my sewing machine. Oh joy. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/164 "2010-12-13T22:51:21Z")
If three billion Chinese women can stand at their sewing machines then by god so can you. Also, we’re cutting your caloric intake to 800 per day and checking your menstrual cycle stage as you come in and out of the bedroom every day. Hope you’re cool with that. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/165 "2010-12-13T23:05:43Z")
Just in time for seasonal festivities, of which there are many in this area, I’ve managed to fuck up my lower back. I was finally getting better yesterday and fucked it up again by doing something stupid. Now I get to see a doctor and beg for muscle relaxers. This follows right on the heels of having to get pain killers and a cortisone shot for my shoulder. My new doctor is sure to think I’m some sort of junky. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2010, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/166 "2010-12-13T23:58:52Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Or you could just not wear hose like every woman on the planet who is under 57. After the recent thread about wearing pantyhose to a formal event, we were checking out all the legs on Friday - I’d say the vast majority were wearing hose. It was about -10ºC that night (15F); it is probably mostly psychological, but I have a hard time bare-legging it in that kind of weather. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/167 "2010-12-14T00:20:43Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > After the recent thread about wearing pantyhose to a formal event, we were checking out all the legs on Friday - I’d say the vast majority were wearing hose. It was about -10ºC that night (15F); it is probably mostly psychological, but I have a hard time bare-legging it in that kind of weather. Were they wearing pantyhose or tights? I’d believe the vast majority were wearing tights, but pantyhose? Maybe if it was mostly older ladies. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/168 "2010-12-14T00:33:04Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > Imagine working in retail, and experiencing Eight. Hours. Of. Christmas. Music. Every. Day. > > I hope those assholes walking in a winter wonderland get eaten by rabid polar bears, and I want to take a hair dryer to Frosty. Not only that, but you’d have thought Paul McFuckingCartney could have come up with something a little more creative and a lot less annoying than Wonderful Christmastime. Christ on a cracker, that is a terrible song. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/169 "2010-12-14T00:42:54Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I love gingerbread. I also love fruitcake - I’ve been holding back from buying one at Safeway after reading the calories (I’ll buy one, just not yet). Mmmm, dark, fruity, nutty fruitcake. You are so funny, **Cat Whisperer**. Everyone knows there are no calories in December. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/170 "2010-12-14T01:03:35Z")
My stupid underwire keeps jabbing me in the chest. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/171 "2010-12-14T01:38:04Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Spray your legs down with hairspray before you go out (after the hose are on, I mean)-- they’ll be less likely to run and wont bunch up by your knees or ankles. …and your leg hair will be nice and managable! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/172 "2010-12-14T02:09:11Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Were they wearing pantyhose or tights? I’d believe the vast majority were wearing tights, but pantyhose? Maybe if it was mostly older ladies. Nope - there were a few wearing tights (and black tights look pretty stupid with a pretty holiday frock), but most were in pantyhose. Well, it looked like pantyhose - flesh-coloured tights and pantyhose look pretty much the same from a distance. > [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > You are so funny, **Cat Whisperer**. Everyone knows there are no calories in December. 🆒 You are my new best friend. You can come sit over here and eat fruitcake and Christmas cookies with me! ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/173 "2010-12-14T03:15:38Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > Not only that, but you’d have thought Paul McFuckingCartney could have come up with something a little more creative and a lot less annoying than Wonderful Christmastime. Christ on a cracker, that is a terrible song. OTOH at that particular point in the career that is exactly what I expected of The Pod Person From Planet Weenie Who Took Over Paul (credit: Dave Barry). I can give no explanation though for my compatriot José Feliciano, whose big Xmas hit’s entire Spanish lyric is one single FIVE-WORD line of verse… ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/174 "2010-12-14T03:20:40Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > OTOH at that particular point in the career that is exactly what I expected of The Pod Person From Planet Weenie Who Took Over Paul (credit: Dave Barry). > > I can give no explanation though for my compatriot José Feliciano, whose big Xmas hit’s entire Spanish lyric is one single FIVE-WORD line of verse… I hate that fucking song. He did a pretty good job on the BeeGees “First of May”, which could be considered sort of a Christmas song, since it at least has the words “Christmas trees” in it. Why don’t they ever play that one? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/175 "2010-12-14T03:42:08Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > I can give no explanation though for my compatriot José Feliciano, whose big Xmas hit’s entire Spanish lyric is one single FIVE-WORD line of verse… Six-words, thank you! Gosh. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/176 "2010-12-14T15:38:32Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > It was about -10ºC that night (15F); it is probably mostly psychological, but I have a hard time bare-legging it in that kind of weather. Stop addressing my mockery with reasonable rebuttals. > [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > Not only that, but you’d have thought Paul McFuckingCartney could have come up with something a little more creative and a lot less annoying than Wonderful Christmastime. WE’RE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPLY HAAAAAAAAAAAAVIN’ A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME!!! > [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > My stupid underwire keeps jabbing me in the chest. That’s… not normal. Sounds busted. Can you pitch it and just go braless 'til you get home? Or at least pull out the underwire? ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/177 "2010-12-14T17:23:18Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > WE’RE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPLY HAAAAAAAAAAAAVIN’ A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME!!! For this I curse you with itchy undergarments for the rest of your life! And if you don’t wear any, then may your clothing be itchy all over! ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/178 "2010-12-14T18:06:40Z")
Sorry, that was directed at \*\*Brown Eyed Girl \*\*for bringing the fucking thing up in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/179 "2010-12-14T18:19:45Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Stop addressing my mockery with reasonable rebuttals.\ Sorry. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2010, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309/180 "2010-12-14T18:44:33Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Sorry, that was directed at \*\*Brown Eyed Girl \*\*for bringing the fucking thing up in the first place. I was attempting to ignore it, like I do everyday in my precious retail job, you sadistic bitch. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-fucking-ho-christmas-season-mini-rants/562309.md?page=10)