# HO, HO, HO ! Santa Porn ! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 9, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857 "2004-11-09T17:14:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dragongirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b38774/32.png) [@dragongirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragongirl)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/1 "2004-11-09T17:14:58Z")
I went to buy a new, fake, Christmas tree yesterday. The fiber optic light up kind that we wanted was on sale at K-Mart. So, we’re walking around looking at the Christmas decorations and we stop by those really obnoxious singing, animated figures, Santas, elves, bears, etc. My kids are happily pushing the buttons to make them all sing and dance and I hear my husband laughing his ass off. “What’s so funny ?” I ask. He can’t stop laughing, so he just points. Someone had arranged a Mrs. Clause on her knees in front of a standing Santa and when the buttons were pushed, Santa was swinging his hips back and forth, while Mrs. Clause was bobbing her head up and down. :eek: Just take a minute to picture that. ---
**Author:** ![hocow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hocow/32/4112_2.png) [@hocow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hocow)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/2 "2004-11-09T17:26:48Z")
As long as Santa doesn’t get snowballed… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/3 "2004-11-09T17:42:01Z")
That is so… so… so _wrong!_ _can’t stop laughing_ ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/4 "2004-11-09T19:43:27Z")
There’s a blue balls joke in there somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/5 "2004-11-09T19:48:35Z")
I’ve got your North Pole right here, ho. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/6 "2004-11-09T22:40:13Z")
And you know he comes but once a year… What?!? Someone had to say it! ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/7 "2004-11-09T22:43:20Z")
If Santa’s been bad, who gets to put a lump of coal in his stocking? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/8 "2004-11-09T22:43:22Z")
“You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming…” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Etherman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Etherman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Etherman)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/9 "2004-11-09T22:45:37Z")
Well, he does know who’s naughty and who’s nice. ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/10 "2004-11-09T22:50:58Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > “You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming…” 😃 Cue the Cheesy-70s-Porn-Groove Mix… Bow-chicka-wow-wow ---
**Author:** ![Etherman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/958977/32.png) [@Etherman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Etherman)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/11 "2004-11-09T23:10:52Z")
> [@Seeker74](#): > > Cue the Cheesy-70s-Porn-Groove Mix… Bow-chicka-wow-wow Great, Cheesy-70s-Porn-Grove-Christmas-Carols. Ick, my brain, make it stop. ---
**Author:** ![Kitchen\_Wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f08c70/32.png) [@Kitchen\_Wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kitchen_Wench)\ **Post date:** [November 9, 2004, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/12 "2004-11-09T23:18:58Z")
Bwahahahaaaaa!!! ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/13 "2004-11-10T00:03:57Z")
Mrs. Claus probably wants more jewellery. 😃 And now I know why the elves are that height. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2004, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/14 "2004-11-10T05:35:47Z")
> [@Keapon Laffin](#): > > And now I know why the elves are that height. Aagh. Another image I have to sandpaper off the inside of my brain. Oh, the curse of a visual imagination… ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/15 "2004-11-10T06:09:20Z")
> [@dragongirl](#): > > I went to buy a new, fake, Christmas tree yesterday. The fiber optic light up kind that we wanted was on sale at K-Mart. > > So, we’re walking around looking at the Christmas decorations and we stop by those really obnoxious singing, animated figures, Santas, elves, bears, etc. My kids are happily pushing the buttons to make them all sing and dance and I hear my husband laughing his ass off. > > “What’s so funny ?” I ask. He can’t stop laughing, so he just points. > > Someone had arranged a Mrs. Clause on her knees in front of a standing Santa and when the buttons were pushed, Santa was swinging his hips back and forth, while Mrs. Clause was bobbing her head up and down. :eek: > > Just take a minute to picture that. All I can say is that I literally “laughed out loud” how funny and wrong at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2004, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho-santa-porn/273857/16 "2004-11-10T20:03:42Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > I’ve got your North Pole right here, ho. 😉 I don’t think anyone’s going to be able to top that one. Fantastic. 😃