### Author:  [@Santa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santa)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/1 "1999-12-11T05:54:00Z")
Merry Christmas! Please post your happy Christmas thoughts here in this thread.
“HO, HO, HO!” :::belly jiggling:::
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/2 "1999-12-11T06:08:00Z")
Santa,
I’ve been good and following the Cowboy Way. Can I have those second chances I asked you for?
* * *
\ **R** anger **J** eff
\*The Idol of American Youth \*
[Riders In The Sky](http://www.ridersinthesky.com)
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### Author:  [@Santa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santa)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/3 "1999-12-11T06:10:00Z")
Ho, Ho, Ho…
I saw what you did with those steer out on the range. Maybe next year!
Santa
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/4 "1999-12-11T06:14:00Z")
:: sigh ::
* * *
**R** anger **J** eff
\*The Idol of American Youth \*
[Riders In The Sky](http://www.ridersinthesky.com)
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/5 "1999-12-11T06:14:00Z")
Aw Santa, that’s why he NEEDS those second chances. Please?
-Melin
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### Author:  [@Santa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santa)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/6 "1999-12-11T06:16:00Z")
Ho, ho, ho…
I am a good and kind Santa. One more chance, Ranger Jeff! Now come sit on my knee and tell me what you want for Christmas.
:::pats his lap:::
Santa
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/7 "1999-12-11T06:19:00Z")
Whew!..
:: sitting on Santa’s knee ::
Like I said, I’d like some second chances and a couple do overs if you can spare them.
* * *
**R** anger **J** eff
\*The Idol of American Youth \*
[Riders In The Sky](http://www.ridersinthesky.com)
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### Author:  [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/8 "1999-12-11T06:20:00Z")
::tugging at Santa’s fake beard to figure out who’s in costume::
Ah, Santa, Jeff’s too busy entertaining the ladies & eating lasagna to be the guy you saw out with those steers.
* * *
Sue from El Paso
Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.
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### Author:  [@Santa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Santa)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/9 "1999-12-11T06:21:00Z")
Ho, ho, ho…
You’ve been a pretty good boy all in all. Stay away from those steers and you can have your do overs. Make the best of them and Meeeeery Christmas!
Santa
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### Author:  [@Heath\_Doolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heath_Doolin)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/10 "1999-12-11T07:20:00Z")
Well Santa
I would like
-a piece of the action
-a slice of the pie
-a foolproof plan (not including fools)
-a jackpot (and no not that stupid pot you had all the elves jack off into…we had to replace the carpet because it tipped over
-a tisket
-a tasket (Large please)
-a green and yellow basket (hard to carry those tiskets yknow)
-non chapping chaps
-a glass of hot fat and the head of Alfredo Garcia
-orgasms when I sneeze
I have been a good boy. I have treated my slave right, oiled the cat and brushed the car daily
Thank yew
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### Author:  [@keystream](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keystream)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/11 "1999-12-11T07:31:00Z")
I wanna Red Ryder BB gun!
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### Author:  [@Louie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Louie)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/12 "1999-12-11T08:04:00Z")
Santa, I want to know why you tried to feel up one of my friends while she was on your lap.
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### Author:  [@MrKnowItAll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrKnowItAll)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/13 "1999-12-11T08:43:00Z")
I want a new drug.
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### Author:  [@JBENZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBENZ)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/14 "1999-12-11T10:52:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I wanna Red Ryder BB gun!
Don’t be silly. You’d shoot your eye out!
* * *
JB
Lex Non Favet Delicatorum Votis
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### Author:  [@Byzantine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Byzantine)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/15 "1999-12-11T11:04:00Z")
Are you calling me a “ho”?
Look you raggedy-assed, bandy legged freak that hangs with a bunch of obviously gay short men and decked out sheep, I don’t appreciate this kind of attack! You god damn twisted little chimney sweeping shit! You pop up and kiss my mother I’m going to deck your fucking halls, that’s for sure! Why you snot-nosed, pedophile little twit! I’ve never been so insulted in my life! Gee, the NERVE of some people!
* * *
Best!
Byz
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### Author:  [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/16 "1999-12-11T12:19:00Z")
I want it all. Then I can pick out the stuff I want to keep and return the rest to WalMart for credit on Monday.
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### Author:  [@kellibelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kellibelli)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/17 "1999-12-11T12:40:00Z")
BYZ!!!
Thats no way to talk to yer pal Santa!
😉
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### Author:  [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/18 "1999-12-11T13:28:00Z")
I want . . .
one BILLION dollars IN GOLD!
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### Author:  [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/19 "1999-12-11T13:31:00Z")
I don’t want much, only . . .
one BILLION dollars IN GOLD!
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [December 11, 1999, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085/20 "1999-12-11T14:01:00Z")
Since many are scared shitless of you, I shall act as the clearinghouse for their X-mass wishes:
kelli - want to live in Chicago (so she can go to a Doper get-together.
Sanibelman - sex.
UncleBeer - a cold draft Pabst.
Uke Ike - UncleBeer’s Pabst.
Doc Jackson - the respect he deserves.
Satan - a road trip (complete with tour T-shirts)
Ayesha - Thanks. She got hers with no more shots.
Bj0rn - a command of the English language.
GuanoLad - A DC Comix contract for Pigeon Man.
Nickrz - a replacement moderator.
Michelle - the anonymity she craves.
Melin - a spanking.
Da Squirrel Cub - a felching (joking of course, big guy!)
Heath Dools - a thread in which he can post the lyrics to “Ring Around the Rosie” making him look witty, wise and an all-around sex machine at the same time.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho-ho-ho/12085.md?page=2)