# Hoarders and Hoarding: Buried Alive **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 3, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950 "2011-12-03T15:38:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/102 "2012-01-04T16:37:07Z")
Ok, I’m way behind on this show but I’m watching season 2 and it’s funny the way certain episodes hit you. I can’t remember the names but one was a woman with 3 daughters (one a young adult). She was sort of arty and identified as a “photographer” though its not clear what she was doing for money. She had a vindictive split with the husband who was seeking custody. I think a son had already gone to live with dad by choice. Anyway was got me was what a drama-queen-narcissist the mom was. The therapist is trying to talk to her about the cleanup and she starts theatrically sobbing and whimpering “I don’t want to talk about my sex abuse.” And the therapist is like, “…uh, yeah, we’re not talking about that right now.” Holy professional victim, batman. In another incident, the middle daughter (~age 15-16) had put something in the trash truck. The mother said “that was in the house” but the daughter said, “no it came from the porch, I did it myself.” Then the mom started weeping and screaming “If I say it came from the house it did!” “no one respects what I say!” and you could just see how she truly thought she conform reality to her needs, and the fact that she was totally disrespecting her daughter never occured to her. For whatever reason I just wanted to throttle her more than any other person I’ve seen on the show. Some were more nasty, some were more negligent, but none were more _annoying_. ---
**Author:** ![Bloodless\_Turnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@Bloodless\_Turnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bloodless_Turnip)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/103 "2012-01-04T17:18:22Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > If it was that serious, it calls for an “Ask the…” thread. I’m very careful what I say online, because my ex is truly insane. I don’t use that word lightly. He’s a danger to himself and to others, IMHO. So I kinda keep a low profile. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/104 "2012-01-04T22:59:46Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I was wondering what was the story on Daddy Chinbeard, their father–how bad does \*he \*have to be that the \*Mom \*got custody?! This is what I kept thinking. He says to the camera he wants to help his kids, but apparently not help them by taking them to his presumably non-roach infested home to keep them safe. I also groaned when mom was getting lectured on the dangers of the mess, she whipped out a gallon size zip-lock bag full of prescription bottles to drown out the noise. ---
**Author:** ![xnylder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bbce88/32.png) [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2012, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/105 "2012-01-04T23:42:36Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > This is what I kept thinking. He says to the camera he wants to help his kids, but apparently not help them by taking them to his presumably non-roach infested home to keep them safe. I also groaned when mom was getting lectured on the dangers of the mess, she whipped out a gallon size zip-lock bag full of prescription bottles to drown out the noise. Ugh, this episode got to me as well. When she called the therapist a b\*\*\*\* behind her back, I literally yelled at my TV, “no, she’s just showing you reality!” That woman really got my blood pressure up. I shudder to think what would have happened if the TV crew hadn’t have showed up. Would the daughter have stayed until the old woman died? We didn’t see much of the son, but from his apparent detachment I’m guessing he’d have taken off as soon as he could. ---
**Author:** ![kirk1168](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@kirk1168](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kirk1168)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/106 "2012-01-06T02:39:28Z")
I think that was the first Hoarder show that didn’t have an actual hoarder on it. I also think that something happened off-camera (or was edited out) between slug-mom and the therapist. The instant hatred came across as completely unreasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/107 "2012-01-06T12:08:23Z")
That’s not entirely true in that both did have things they did hoard (pots and pans for her, more than enough for a restaurant or catering kitchen and hidden away under the clutter and garbage; guitars and antiques for him). They were better at giving them up than most of the stories - him more than her, though I think his grief at just losing his girlfriend might have masked or wiped out much of his resistance. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/108 "2012-01-06T16:28:47Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > That’s not entirely true in that both did have things they did hoard (pots and pans for her, more than enough for a restaurant or catering kitchen and hidden away under the clutter and garbage; guitars and antiques for him). They were better at giving them up than most of the stories - him more than her, though I think his grief at just losing his girlfriend might have masked or wiped out much of his resistance. The pots and pan lady was the one with two grown sons. Slug lady had boy and girl teens. The only crap she gave about her stuff was just before she threw it on the floor for her daughter to not pock up. That woman really angered me. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/109 "2012-01-06T16:37:39Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > The pots and pan lady was the one with two grown sons. Slug lady had boy and girl teens. The only crap she gave about her stuff was just before she threw it on the floor for her daughter to not pock up. > > That woman really angered me. Oh, right, sorry for the confusion. Yeah, I was thinking about the latest episode of “Hoarders,” (1/2/2012), “Norman/Linda.” ---
**Author:** ![ballardfam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8797f3/32.png) [@ballardfam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ballardfam)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/110 "2012-01-06T16:56:52Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > This is true for you, and for those of us who do not have the condition that leads to hoarding. But people who hoard have a different emotional relationship with their stuff, and as hard as it is to understand, telling them “it’s just stuff” isn’t going to help. To them, it’s NOT just stuff - it often has deep emotional meaning, even things like dog hair and garbage. This is true. My husband has hoarding tendencies. Not dog hair & garbage, but things he can convince himself are going to be useful someday. Like all sorts of building supplies/equipment/doo dads and old remote controls. Seriously - he’ll never throw out a remote control. I think it comes down to losing his nuclear family at the age of 11/12. Parents had a horribly nasty divorce. Mom & sisters changed from catholic to evangelical christian and got a whole new support/peer group. Dad ran off with his secretary and had all new friends & career. Both parents moved from immediate area he’d lived all his life so he lost his friends. Instead of having a permanent home he was shuttled back & forth while they were all involved with their new lives and screwed-up-ness. In fact, he never got his own room or even his own space in a room. He was always ‘staying’ in a stepbrother’s room or someone was ‘making room for him’. He’s mentioned that he lost most of his possessions, either by attrition or because there wasn’t enough space at either parent’s house. I don’t think he felt like anything was his anymore, not physical objects or emotional connections. Luckily he’s fairly open to listening and understanding when he’s being hoardish. I’ve found that when tossing junk is combined with a home improvement project that he is stress free with ‘losing’ things and he’ll instigate a trip to the dump or Goodwill. Maybe because building his home eases some of those lost home feelings. But left on his own it’s possible he could deteriorate into one of those televised hoarders. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/111 "2012-01-21T04:15:49Z")
Do hoarders tend to be very tight with their money or always looking for freebies? My hoarding friend makes a lot of money but tends to grab as much free stuff as she can: packets of condiments, handfuls of napkins, even muffins and other items from buffets when she thinks no one is looking. She has also been known to sneak into a second movie after paying to see only one. (I recall pulling that trick a couple of times in my much younger days, but she is nearly 48 years old now.) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/112 "2012-01-21T04:23:38Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > Do hoarders tend to be very tight with their money or always looking for freebies? Well, there’s a mix. Some are hardcore shopaholics (filling their houses with store-bought items that are often still in their original boxes), some are scavengers (grabbing items others have discarded, telling themselves they’re “recycling” them). ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/113 "2012-02-15T08:22:17Z")
So now I’m watching all of both shows. Fascinating stuff. I have to say I relate on some level to some extent with all of them…there have been hints, moments, fleeting brushes with virtually everything. Except the diapers…that I’ve never gone to. I see a lot of my mother, too. But what I also see is that I have tendencies, I have issues, but at the end of the day I’m not really a true hoarder. I have the gene, but it isn’t really fully expressed. These people’s lives are heartbreaking. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/114 "2012-02-15T09:30:38Z")
The most recent ep of **Buried Alive** (the one on TLC) had a moment that really sums up the compulsive-acquisition aspect of hoarding. One of the two subjects, the redheaded woman with the daughters, was shown at a [del]junk[/del] thrift store. She picked up a plaque, or a framed motto, something like that. Badly drawn cartoon woman and the motto “Housework won’t kill you, but why take the chance?” “Ha ha ha! I have to get that!” :smack: Seriously? If you’re going to buy a framed motto, make it a poem, or a bible verse, or some famous quote. Something that’s worth seeing in your home, and having other people see it. But you want the crap I just described to take up space in your home? Even if it wasn’t adding to a hoard, it would still be a waste of space. And that was typical of the useless items in this store. And that’s part of what drives a hoarder: they don’t discriminate. And most (not all) of them have abysmal taste to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/115 "2012-02-15T10:38:52Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > So my question is… is there any value in these papers? I would feel very, very strange throwing them away, and I don’t really have any desire to sell them or anything… but is it “hoardy” of me to keep them? I’d think so. The question is, are you going to DO anything with them? If no, then keeping them is hoarding. I’d email a few libraries and archives if they are interested. If they aren’t, then offer them for free on e-bay or throw them out. My mom had loads of paper clippings on the feminist topics that she was interested in. When helping her to clean up, I asked an women’s studies archive if they were interested. They weren’t. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/116 "2012-02-15T14:17:08Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > I’d think so. The question is, are you going to DO anything with them? If no, then keeping them is hoarding. After my parents died and tons of stuff had to be shredded or go into the Dumpster–neither of them were hoarders, but my sister and I just didn’t have room, and you can’t donate _everything_–I pared-down my already spare apartment. I look at something I never use and think, “What will happen to this after I die? Dumpster?” And if so, out it goes _now_. I also pre-shredded all my journals, letters and diaries. I am an anti-hoarder. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/117 "2012-02-15T14:47:52Z")
I’ve been watching both of these on Netflix in marathon sessions after work. It’s interesting the two different approaches. _Buried Alive_ is more of a profile of the hoarders in a true documentary style, where they allow the therapist/organizer to work with the subject at their own pace, as opposed to _Hoarders_ which focuses more on getting it cleaned up now. I believe _Buried Alive_ is ultimately the more helpful of the two programs in the long run, as the cleanup is allowed to extend for weeks or months as needed, while the _Hoarders_ get-it-done-in-2-days-or-it’s-not-getting-done approach, while admittedly more entertaining, is much more traumatic to the subjects, thus probably significantly less effective long-term. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/118 "2012-02-15T14:53:55Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > It’s interesting the two different approaches. _Buried Alive_ is more of a profile of the hoarders in a true documentary style, where they allow the therapist/organizer to work with the subject at their own pace, as opposed to _Hoarders_ which focuses more on getting it cleaned up now. I believe _Buried Alive_ is ultimately the more helpful of the two programs in the long run, as the cleanup is allowed to extend for weeks or months as needed, while the _Hoarders_ get-it-done-in-2-days-or-it’s-not-getting-done approach, while admittedly more entertaining, is much more traumatic to the subjects, thus probably significantly less effective long-term. This is _exactly_ my wife and my analysis of the shows. ---
**Author:** ![Time\_Stranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5fc32e/32.png) [@Time\_Stranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Time_Stranger)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/119 "2012-02-15T15:21:27Z")
Do these shows have some sort of deal with the people featured that they won’t call CPS on them? I just saw a re-run of the one with syringes/roaches/maxipads everywhere with the hazmat team, and I really can’t believe no one didn’t call someone to get those children removed _right then_. Is that going on behind the scenes and they just don’t show it? Granted, I haven’t seen too many episodes, so maybe I’m just missing it. But that episode seemed particularly egregious. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/120 "2012-02-15T15:34:24Z")
In general from what I’ve seen the show’s producers/therapists/organizers generally leave that sort of thing to the families or the actual authorities, who are often already in the picture (which is often the main reason for the subject or their families contacting the show), unless it’s a situation where the main subject is clearly in danger and has no one else to intervene. When there are animals involved, the show brings in people to remove them, and sometimes they have legal authority to take the animals without permission, other times they do not (their veterinarian/animal crews are often brought in from out of state, in which case they do not have any legal authority). ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950/121 "2012-02-15T17:27:49Z")
My biggest issue is that I. Cannot. Keep. These. Shows. Straight. I’ve looked it up, checked the listings and synopses and informed myself of it a dozen times, yet when I see one in the channel guide I cannot for the life of me know which show it it. Invariably it’s the one that me and the g/f like less. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoarders-and-hoarding-buried-alive/604950.md?page=7)