# Hoaxes revealed! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 26, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932 "2001-09-26T16:06:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/1 "2001-09-26T16:06:02Z")
I don’t normally write in the Pit, but I have dealt this morning with more moon-landing was a hoax, Palestinians dancing was a hoax, and now find a topic claiming Anne Frank was a hoax (on the grounds that someone later added a marginal comment in ball point pen which wasn’t available to Anne herself.) The time has come to reveal all. - John Hancock never signed the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock was an insurance company, founded in 1943, and they thought it would be a cute advertising gimmick to pretend that a “John Hancock” signed the Declaration of Independence. THey destroyed all existing copies and replaced them with fakes. The proof of this is that the letter “J” did not split off as independent from the letter “I” until 1837, so there could not have been any “John” in 1776. - There is no such city as Albuquerque. It’s all a massive set, built outside Tucson. There was a nuclear accident in 1943, when they were first testing the power of potential nuclear weapons, that totally obliterated Albuquerque. The shock and horror were too much for the public to bear, so they created a fake Albuquerque out of cardboard, using all the techniques of Hollywood. Planes that supposedly fly to Albuquerque are all part of this gigantic hoax. The proof: I have a photo of a man standing on the streets of Albuquerque in broad daylight at high noon on a sunny day but he casts no shadow – the fake “sun” wasn’t working that day. - You do not exist. Your entire world is fake, and has been since you were born. It’s all part of a massive TV show, everyone in the world is watching you like a soap opera though hidden cameras. The people you think are your friends and colleagues are only paid actors. [rant]Great stars and little comets! What have we turned into, that everything in the world is considered a “hoax”? From the Moon Landing to the Kennedy Assassination to Elvis’ Death and now Anne Frank? Is it only a matter of time before someone suggests that there never was a World Trade Center, it was all a hoax to push up Bush’s ratings? It started with the so-called Holocaust-deniers. And it’s been flamed by movies such as “WAG THE DOG” and “THE TRUMAN SHOW” and “THE MATRIX.” How stupid are people, anyway? … obvious gullible enough to swallow all these “hoax” theories. All you people who believe any of this revisionist crap, please email me, I own a bridge in Brooklyn that I can sell you real cheap because the market is down and I need the cash. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/2 "2001-09-26T16:09:16Z")
I hear C K Dexter Haven is actually a puppet of a wealthy oil family in the Middle East, working in concert with our government to bring about an expensive and lengthy war. And he’s really a two headed woman. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/3 "2001-09-26T16:18:50Z")
> [@](#): > > **Is it only a matter of time before someone suggests that there never was a World Trade Center, it was all a hoax to push up Bush’s ratings?** No no no, you have your hoaxes mixed up. It was all a hoax to improve the _network’s_ ratings! [sub]And yes, I have actually heard real live people state this “fact”. No, I did not disembowel the fuckers.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/4 "2001-09-26T16:25:16Z")
**Dolly Madison** was really just a dairy magnate who founded her own ice cream company. **Toad The Wet Sprocket** is in reality a garage band led by G. Gordon Liddy. **jarbabyj** isn’t **jarbabyj**. She is in fact Georgia O’Keefe, famous artist\*\*\*\*\*. This does a lot to explain why almost everything “Georgia” (read: **jarbabyj** ) painted revolved around the female genitalia. Small wonder that she’s known around the Chicago Theatre circuit as the **Vicar of Vulva** 🆒 Sean Connery, Dick Clark and Ross Perot were in fact bred in the same petri dish. They never age, and their DNA is in fact not a double helix, but more of a triple salchow. **The Catcher In The Rye** has nothing to do with repressed sexuality OR jewish culture. It’s just a simple tale of a family of bakers who produce the greatest living catcher ever to play in the majors, \*\* Johnny Benchweisner \*\* ;j I heard that about **CK Dex Haven** too. Must be true 😃 Cartooniverse \*\*\*\*\*\* I know. Georgia’s dead. Doesn’t matter. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/5 "2001-09-26T16:34:49Z")
I lied. It probably started with Plato’s Cave analogy. And Horace wrote some poetry about the non-existence of the material world. And old wossname Descartes doubted that anything existed. I guess if a serious philospher like Descartes can doubt the existence of everything, then it’s OK for people to doubt the reality of stuff like the moon, the earth, Herbert Hoover, Las Vegas, or Elvis. Of course, there are people who put Descartes before Horace. ---
**Author:** ![Amok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Amok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amok)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/6 "2001-09-26T16:37:36Z")
> [@](#): > > “But we heard it,” insisted Daisy, suprising me by opening up again in a flower-like way. “We heard it from three people so it must be true.” ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/7 "2001-09-26T17:01:26Z")
Wasn’t it Reagan spokesgoon Larry Speakes who said “If we say something five times it becomes the truth”? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/8 "2001-09-26T17:01:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > \*\*Of course, there are people who put Descartes before Horace. \*\* Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/9 "2001-09-26T17:31:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > > \*\*Of course, there are people who put Descartes before Horace. \*\* > > Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad! :eek: \*\* I second that emotion. Thanks, **Dex**. That’ll teach me to eat dry roasted peanuts whilst reading your words of wisdom. What a mess. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/10 "2001-09-26T17:43:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > \*\*- You do not exist. Your entire world is fake, and has been since you were born. It’s all part of a massive TV show, everyone in the world is watching you like a soap opera though hidden cameras. The people you think are your friends and colleagues are only paid actors. > \*\* Actually this would explain a lot… ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/11 "2001-09-26T18:11:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > **There is no such city as Albuquerque. (etc)** So, how does that fit in with that more-famous New Mexican city, Roswell? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/12 "2001-09-26T18:28:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > **It’s all part of a massive TV show, everyone in the world is watching you like a soap opera though hidden cameras.** What Dex is too kindly to mention here is that it’s less of a soap opera than a slapstick comedy. We’re all laughing our asses off at you. Really, you should _see_ yourself when you’re sleeping! Whatta hoot! – Ukulele “Hey, come in the teevee room, I think s/he’s gonna masturbate _again!_” Ike ---
**Author:** ![Fillet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/2acd7d/32.png) [@Fillet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fillet)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/13 "2001-09-26T18:28:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by C K Dexter Haven \* > **- John Hancock never signed the Declaration of Independence. John Hancock was an insurance company, founded in 1943, and they thought it would be a cute advertising gimmick to pretend that a “John Hancock” signed the Declaration of Independence. THey destroyed all existing copies and replaced them with fakes. The proof of this is that the letter “J” did not split off as independent from the letter “I” until 1837, so there could not have been any “John” in 1776.** No, no, no - “John Hancock” was one of the aliases of the notorious and immortal St. Germain, who has sired innumerable famous children over the centuries. One of the latest of these children decided to take up his daddy’s old alias as a nod to the past, while spilling the secrets of the ancient world to the modern public. However, he wanted a slightly different name that was better suited to the erudite image he wanted to project, so he changed his first name to “Graham.” > [@](#): > > \*\*How stupid are people, anyway? > > … obvious gullible enough to swallow all these “hoax” theories. \*\* insufficient education + post-modern philosophy (“everyone’s opinion is equally valid”) = gullible people [sub]Sorry, I’m feeling a bit grumpy today. [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![ThisYearsGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@ThisYearsGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisYearsGirl)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/14 "2001-09-26T18:35:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cartooniverse [/i > > **The Catcher In The Rye** has nothing to do with. . . jewish culture. Is this really an interpretation of the book? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/15 "2001-09-26T19:19:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fillet \* > \*\*\ > insufficient education + post-modern philosophy (“everyone’s opinion is equally valid”) = gullible people > > \ > \*\* “Everyone’s right to an opinion does not include the right to be taken seriously.” - some famous guy that I can’t remember. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/16 "2001-09-26T19:37:49Z")
Wait a minute here… Does this mean I **shouldn’t** believe those emails I get?? I shouldn’t have opened that bank account for that guy from Africa? :rolleyes ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/17 "2001-09-26T19:55:45Z")
**Dex** , your feeble attempts to manufacture myths in order to discredit those who proclaim the truth do not sway me. I am on to you. I know that you are only covering for the lies of the Templar/Rosicrucian alliance. You, sir, are just a puppet for the elders of Zion. THE ILLUMINATTI WILL BE EXPOSED! ---
**Author:** ![Phobos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Phobos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phobos)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/18 "2001-09-26T20:39:02Z")
Moon landing hoax? What, you actually believe there IS a moon? ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/19 "2001-09-26T21:23:51Z")
[Steve Martin bit] You don’t remember when the Earth blew up? And it was totally destroyed? And we all came to this planet on the giant space ark? And the government didn’t tell the stupid people because they didn’t want to… Ahhhhh.[/Steve Martin bit] ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2001, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932/20 "2001-09-26T21:29:59Z")
Of course you’re skeptical, Dex. You’re a pisces. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hoaxes-revealed/83932.md?page=2)