# Holding out for a Hero - or three. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 9, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921 "2006-04-09T03:55:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/1 "2006-04-09T03:55:39Z")
I am growing old, my children, and no longer do I wield the awesome power I once did. I find it difficult (though still…enjoyable) to keep up with the young upstart evil masterminds making their name in the world. Ordinari-_cough hack cough_… no no, I’m fine…still life in the old dog yet! Where was I…Ah, yes, of course… ordinarily, I would still be able to keep those evil brats out of my hair. [Regrettably, times have changed.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365891) This “Smith”, now…he is not like the masterminds of old. He retains the classical twist of evil, of course, and I hear some of his methods could be said to be quite…medieval. Nevertheless, he is a new and different force to be reckoned with. I am too old, too set in my ways to win victory alone. So, my children, I come to you. I seek a group of like-minded individuals to take this fight to Smith. Together, our fellowship shall strike fear into the hearts of those who would commit depravity and create mayhem across our fair land. Be there any among you who would take up this challenge? Any of brave heart and stout courage, who are willing to stand against this organisation? People orphaned by Smith’s organisation, or by Smith himself, preferred. Must have own weapons. If you do not have a wisecracking sidekick, one can be assigned to you. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/2 "2006-04-09T04:04:41Z")
Bwaa-ha-ha, we have intercepted your communications. You stand no chance, we are prepared. ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/3 "2006-04-09T04:15:34Z")
Is this the line for Heroes? Mmmmmmm I love sandwiches!! ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/4 "2006-04-09T05:34:42Z")
What were the awesome powers you once did wield? I mean, would we be aligning ourselves with an A-Grade hero, like Mighty Mega-Man, or some B-grade fill-in like Paper-clip Person? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/5 "2006-04-09T06:05:12Z")
> [@Ice Wolf](#): > > What were the awesome powers you once did wield? I mean, would we be aligning ourselves with an A-Grade hero, like Mighty Mega-Man, or some B-grade fill-in like Paper-clip Person? Psst! :: In the alley, a figure in a ragged hoodie and sweat pants gives a worried look around :: Over here. _Here_. :: pause :: I can’t talk long. They’re after me. I know where Smith is. I have access to his network. I can help you. :: a flash of movement in the distance :: Call me at this number. :: hands over card :: :: runs :: ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/6 "2006-04-09T06:15:27Z")
_Looks down at card_ Er … okay. Cool! 🙂 _Pockets card, and slips away into the shadows._ ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/7 "2006-04-09T13:20:20Z")
**Rev** , old friend. You’ve got it _all wrong_ here. No need to set yourself against me! All is forgiven. It’s time to come home, old friend. Remember Stalingrad? SoHo? Remember _Esmerelda_? She’s here, and she feels the same way. You think I’ve learned nothing? You’re wrong. I’ve learned the most important lesson of all: _It’s about people_. Come now, dear friend. We need not fight. Please speak with **Jim** regarding travel arrangements. I simply won’t take no for an answer. With Warmest Regards, Yours, /Villain. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/8 "2006-04-09T13:28:51Z")
**Rev** , old friend. You’ve got it _all wrong_ here. No need to set yourself against me! All is forgiven. It’s time to come home, old friend. Remember Stalingrad? SoHo? Remember _Esmerelda_? She’s here, and she feels the same way. You think I’ve learned nothing? You’re wrong. I’ve learned the most important lesson of all: _It’s about people_. Come now, dear friend. We need not fight. Please speak with **Jim** regarding travel arrangements. I simply won’t take no for an answer. With Warmest Regards, Yours, /Villain. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/9 "2006-04-09T13:36:10Z")
And, uh, **Sunspace** , I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, here. I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone: I’m _approachable_, people. Busy, yes. But don’t for a minute think you can’t come to me with whatever is troubling you. I’ve got an open-door policy, folks (unless it’s closed). It’s about _people_. I mean that. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/10 "2006-04-09T13:46:31Z")
Your message tempted me for a moment, old friend. But then, a second letter appeared through my door. Your handwriting, yet two letters exactly the same. You’re getting sloppy, “O Evil One”. ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/11 "2006-04-09T13:56:53Z")
What do you have to offer to defectors, oh great hero-type personage? (Had a whisper that someone wants in from the cold …) ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/12 "2006-04-09T14:09:50Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > Your message tempted me for a moment, old friend. But then, a second letter appeared through my door. Your handwriting, yet two letters exactly the same. You’re getting sloppy, “O Evil One”. So suspicious, mate. Settle down, old friend, settle down. That’s just an artifact of posting from my evil Blackberry with it’s impossible keyboard. “O Evil One”, eh? That really takes me back. I just go by “Mr. Smith” these days, but of course you can still call me “Winston”. In fact, I insist, old friend. As you can see, the years have mellowed me, now let’s let bygones be bygones. You can still do, uh, “good” work. And by that I mean “atrocities against man”. Please reconsider my invite to “catch up”. Yours, /v ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/13 "2006-04-09T14:48:22Z")
Are you sure you’re up to this, **Revenant Threshold**? No offense, but you sound like someone who’s looking through death’s door from the wrong side. Within reason, I’d be willing to help ladle out hot steaming justice upon the heads of this new band of vile miscreants. Much of my CV is classified but I’m allowed to mention that I’ve frequently foiled the plots of Baron Anathemax von Dread and The Directorate of Fear ™, the Criminals’ Union, local #422, is now installing drywall, and Doctor Nausea’s genetically-enhanced Sabretoothsharkophant is now a rug in my den. Just one thing: this name “Smith” – does that imply the dude’s got a big iron hammer? 'Cause those things can do some serious damage. The King of Soup’s no coward, but his mother didn’t raise any anvils, can you taste what I’m serving up? ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/14 "2006-04-09T15:08:43Z")
> [@The King of Soup](#): > > Are you sure you’re up to this, **Revenant Threshold**? No offense, but you sound like someone who’s looking through death’s door from the wrong side. > > Within reason, I’d be willing to help ladle out hot steaming justice upon the heads of this new band of vile miscreants. Much of my CV is classified but I’m allowed to mention that I’ve frequently foiled the plots of Baron Anathemax von Dread and The Directorate of Fear ™, the Criminals’ Union, local #422, is now installing drywall, and Doctor Nausea’s genetically-enhanced Sabretoothsharkophant is now a rug in my den. Those are some serious credentials, and if I were Winston Smith I’d alternate quaking in my boots with feverish plotting of your downfall. But are you in Declan’s league? I mean… he told us this… he’s from the government. He’s here to help. I think you’re in the Soup. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/15 "2006-04-09T15:40:59Z")
Good, good. I love it so when the do-gooders congregate. Makes it so easy to unseam them all with a single puissant blow. So easy it almost seems criminal… Note to self: Following extermination of this latest group of suicide-by-supervillain-tights-and-capes-wearing-freaks, have a pyramid made from their skulls and dedicate it to Mr. Smith. He’ll be so pleased. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/16 "2006-04-09T16:09:08Z")
> [@Ice Wolf](#): > > What were the awesome powers you once did wield? I mean, would we be aligning ourselves with an A-Grade hero, like Mighty Mega-Man, or some B-grade fill-in like Paper-clip Person? Once I was known as The Revenant; a name that struck fear in the shriveled hearts of evildoers across the globe. As to my powers… I don’t want to give away too much, now that our communications have been breached, so i’ll just say “Omega”. > [@Ice Wolf](#): > > What do you have to offer to defectors, oh great hero-type personage? (Had a whisper that someone wants in from the cold …) I’m afraid we’re unable to supply defectors with wisecracking sidekicks. While we appreciate your change of mind, our insurers tell us that sometimes defectors find it difficult to get out of the “evil” mindset, and our sidekicks don’t like acid. Other than that, you’ll get full privileges and a free hooded cloak! > [@The King of Soup](#): > > Are you sure you’re up to this, Revenant Threshold? No offense, but you sound like someone who’s looking through death’s door from the wrong side. All the more reason to arrange matters whilst i’m still alive. Your credentials seem impressive, and i’m told your work is to a very high standard. We’d be pleased to have you join up. As to Smith’s hammer… it’s been a while since i’ve seen him use it; he’s certainly moved with the times. > [@Winston Smith](#): > > So suspicious, mate. Settle down, old friend, settle down. I think i’ve earned the right to be suspicious - remember Reykjavík? I thought it was just an unseasonably warm day… that’s a mistake I won’t be making twice, old friend. But it’s not too late for you. Join us. See the error of your ways. Once we worked together, seeking answers to the mysteries of the universe and for the betterment of mankind. Can there be no reconciliation? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/17 "2006-04-09T18:38:58Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > \ > > I think i’ve earned the right to be suspicious - remember Reykjavík? I thought it was just an unseasonably warm day… that’s a mistake I won’t be making twice, old friend. > > But it’s not too late for you. Join us. See the error of your ways. Once we worked together, seeking answers to the mysteries of the universe and for the betterment of mankind. Can there be no reconciliation? Omega, indeed. Can’t you see you’ve already _failed_? And yes, I remember Reykjavík. Do you remember saying you’d trade _a walk-on part in the War for a lead role in in a cage_? I’d truely be doing you a favor killing you, but I won’t. They got you to trade you heros for ghosts. Hot ashes for trees. Hot air for a cool breeze. Cold comfort for change. I’m giving you a chance you didn’t give yourself - redemption. Yeah. I remember Reykjavík; I think it’s you that’s forgotten Reykjavík, old friend. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/18 "2006-04-09T19:01:41Z")
> [@Winston Smith](#): > > Omega, indeed. Can’t you see you’ve already _failed_? And yes, I remember Reykjavík. Do you remember saying you’d trade _a walk-on part in the War for a lead role in in a cage_? I’d truely be doing you a favor killing you, but I won’t. > They got you to trade you heros for ghosts. Hot ashes for trees. Hot air for a cool breeze. Cold comfort for change. > I’m giving you a chance you didn’t give yourself - redemption. Yeah. I remember Reykjavík; I think it’s you that’s forgotten Reykjavík, old friend. I hate to interupt you sir but I fear he thinks you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Jim {Update on our secure channel} ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/19 "2006-04-09T19:32:35Z")
> [@Revenant Threshold](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > _By Ice Wolf_ > > What do you have to offer to defectors, oh great hero-type personage? (Had a whisper that someone wants in from the cold …) > > I’m afraid we’re unable to supply defectors with wisecracking sidekicks. While we appreciate your change of mind, our insurers tell us that sometimes defectors find it difficult to get out of the “evil” mindset, and our sidekicks don’t like acid. Other than that, you’ll get full privileges and a free hooded cloak! There ya go, **Sunspace** , ol’ bean – best t’ stick to the villain you know, rather than go to the hero who doesn’t read the thread properly! 🙂 _tears **Sunspace’s** card up and strolls away._ ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921/20 "2006-04-09T20:19:01Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > I hate to interupt you sir but I fear he thinks you can tell Heaven from Hell, > blue skies from pain. > > Jim {Update on our secure channel} Welcome my friend, welcome to THE MACHINE. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/holding-out-for-a-hero-or-three/351921.md?page=2)