# Hole In The Wall (Long, and possibly obscenely offensive) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 8, 2015, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551 "2015-03-08T20:33:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/61 "2015-03-09T18:26:53Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Workin’ on it. Only so fast I can dredge up ancient wisdom from the dust within my withered skull… I am so borrowing this for my work status… ---
**Author:** ![newme](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e0b2c6/32.png) [@newme](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newme)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/62 "2015-03-09T18:47:56Z")
Ok, just one nit-pick about a possible anachronism: > [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Memory shifted and clicked. It was _Marvelous Red-Hot MILFs._ Was the word _MILF_ in use thirty years ago? ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/63 "2015-03-09T20:00:04Z")
> **[MILF](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MILF_(slang))** > > MILF (/mɪlf/, as if read as "milf") is an acronym that stands for "Mother I'd Like to Fuck". This abbreviation is used in colloquial English, instead of the whole phrase. It connotes an older woman, typically one with children, considered sexually attractive. A related term is "cougar", which suggests an older woman in active pursuit of younger men. > Linguist Laurel A. Sutton states that MILF was one of nine terms for "attractive women" collected from undergraduates at a large linguistics clas... “The term itself was first documented in Internet newsgroups during the 1990s.” ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/64 "2015-03-09T20:23:05Z")
Thank you! I am satisfied! This story was one that was close to my heart. That’s what my husband did for a living when I met him, lo those many years ago in our misspent youth. He has a couple of great stories that are better told in person as neither of us has the skill to write as well as…well, this. They’re all along these lines, one involving a tiny Hispanic man and his poor, poor, toy poodle. Another is about the vacuum in the storage closet/bathroom. It was around the same time, early 90’s, so I recognized the setting well. I feel better now that the tale has been completed! ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/65 "2015-03-09T21:28:10Z")
Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/66 "2015-03-09T21:39:34Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I will admit I have not read the entire story. However I did not agree with the reason given for the report. It happens, many times people report and we don’t see a reason to act. We would rather get the reports and not act on them than miss threads that need action. There is no need to discuss the report made and no further reason to interrupt the thread with anything else on the subject. Carry on. I don’t blame you. I tried to skim for anything interesting, and ended up at the end with no understanding of what was happening or why. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/67 "2015-03-09T21:57:24Z")
For what it’s worth, I have heard the “no penthouse letter” rule mentioned multiple times and even have seen mod action (after the question having been put before them) indicating they weren’t going to allow any such postings. Although that was in IMHO. Personally I don’t mind at all, but I totally expected a “reported” after the first few posts. Then again, I haven’t been here that long either. Give **Flywheel** a break and… eh, carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/68 "2015-03-09T22:04:19Z")
> [@polar\_bear](#): > > Give **Flywheel** a break and… eh, carry on. You mean give **Flywheel** a _brake_, doncha? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/69 "2015-03-09T22:36:44Z")
::: Stands and claps::::: Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/70 "2015-03-09T23:23:01Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I don’t blame you. I tried to skim for anything interesting, and ended up at the end with no understanding of what was happening or why. So sorry for you both. What sort of things do you find humorous? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/71 "2015-03-09T23:52:32Z")
I take no responsibility for the attention span of the reader. I tells it like I saw it. 1. MAD CHARLIE Mad Charlie was strictly in it to get his flute played, and wasn’t picky about who was tootling. This may have been because Mad Charlie was one of the ugliest humans I’ve ever laid eyes on, sort of an intersection between a homeless guy, an escapee from the dungeons where dentists practice their early experiments, and the late cowboy actor Jack Elam, complete with eyeballs that almost never pointed the same direction except occasionally, and even then only by coincidence; it happened rarely enough that it was rather visually shocking when you saw him looking at something with both eyes. That, and his personality took some getting used to. When you got past that, though, he wasn’t a bad fellow, and was a surprisingly nice guy, really. For some reason, he and Arthur were thick as thieves, and it was Arthur who filled me in on what Mad Charlie was up to that night: After Helen collected her tokens and headed for #4, there was of course a bit of a mad scramble for #5. Mad Charlie won by virtue of rabbitpunching Pancho and literally leapfrogging over Jailbait Brian’s shoulders into the booth, spinning, and securing the door. In the scramble, Helen, oblivious to any of this, had had time to have a seat, drop some tokens, and select a channel she found stimulating and appealing. Now Mad Charlie was a regular, and had a firm grip on the protocols and procedures I only began to touch on back in the OP. He therefore ignored most of 'em, dropped trou, and put the square peg through the round hole, so to speak. Helen, in the adjoining booth, had no grasp whatsoever on the protocols and procedures, and was therefore unprepared to see the Formica Cyclops erupt from the hole in the wall. She promptly panicked and smacked it with her purse. Now, it seems Helen was one of those women who carries a complete makeup laboratory, twenty or thirty bucks worth of loose change, and perhaps one or two small anvils around with her at all times. This meant that Mad Charlie’s reaction was immediate, and loud enough to rattle the front display window in its frame. Helen fled the store, and was never seen again. Mad Charlie’s reaction to Arthur’s tale was, “…s’bullsh’t,” in a low voice, with none of his eyes pointed in my direction… ---
**Author:** ![Tabby\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tabby\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabby_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2015, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/72 "2015-03-09T23:55:06Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > So sorry for you both. What sort of things do you find humorous? Quite possibly, nothing. Master Wang Ka, if you had a patreon, I would totally fund it. What happened to the book? ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/73 "2015-03-10T00:45:33Z")
> [@Tabby\_Cat](#): > > Quite possibly, nothing. > > Master Wang Ka, if you had a patreon, I would totally fund it. What happened to the book? I did pretty well with the book, but it is sadly no longer in print; the cost of copies outstretched the price I was willing to pay per copy. But it was nice to fulfill the dream for a while. Hell, big chunks of it are readable here for free… ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/74 "2015-03-10T01:15:14Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > I did pretty well with the book, but it is sadly no longer in print; the cost of copies outstretched the price I was willing to pay per copy. But it was nice to fulfill the dream for a while. > > Hell, big chunks of it are readable here for free… Or you could just get a blog. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/75 "2015-03-10T01:35:29Z")
Oh come on! Some (MANY) of us are enjoying this story and have enjoyed his stories in the past; but they are very few and far between. He hasn’t exactly been monopolizing the board for crying out loud. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/76 "2015-03-10T02:22:49Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Oh come on! Some (MANY) of us are enjoying this story and have enjoyed his stories in the past; but they are very few and far between. He hasn’t exactly been monopolizing the board for crying out loud. No shit. I have genuinely enjoyed this thread and found myself absorbed in the story. Hilarious, by the way, and I have to work “Gay Narnia” into my vocabulary somehow! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/77 "2015-03-10T02:42:23Z")
> [@Master\_Wang-Ka](#): > > Gay Narnia Instead of Mr. Tumnus, they have Mr. Tinkus! ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/78 "2015-03-10T03:14:50Z")
Thank you for posting. I enjoyed the story. I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile. ---
**Author:** ![get\_lives](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@get\_lives](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/get_lives)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/79 "2015-03-10T03:15:34Z")
I already believe Mad Charlie got wang-popped, but I’d be interested to hear any other accounts of the evening. This is good stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2015, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551/80 "2015-03-10T03:47:13Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > Oh come on! Some (MANY) of us are enjoying this story and have enjoyed his stories in the past; but they are very few and far between. He hasn’t exactly been monopolizing the board for crying out loud. Four huge bloated indulgent wall o’ text threads current in this forum, two in the Pit, no idea how many elsewhere. Blog. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hole-in-the-wall-long-and-possibly-obscenely-offensive/714551.md?page=5)