# Hollow, meaningless, incomplete life? This will help you (and apparently your anus)..
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [April 2, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530 "2001-04-02T19:23:14Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/1 "2001-04-02T19:23:14Z")
I’ve just learned that my life has been hollow and empty. After reading what you’ve been missing, you’ll agree yours is too.
Over at Amazon is a book that well, frankly, I must have.[How to Good-Bye Depression : If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0595094724/107-0331330-0882138).
How in the world have I lived all these years without this book?
What’s amazing is that it’s sales rank is 5050! Just think. Out of the millions of titles available on Amazon, only 5049 titles sell better.
I suspect it’ll soon become an amazing motion picture in a theatre near you!
Or better: A Broadway Musical: Constrict! The Clenching Anus Musical!
Any world that can have this book in it is a pretty good one! 🙂
Fenris
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/2 "2001-04-02T19:51:21Z")
The author’s bio:
> [@](#):
>
> About the Author
> Hiroyuki Nishigaki, a graduate of Osaka City University in 1963, resides in Japan. He was employed by the Kyodo News Agency until 1976. He is the author of four books in Japanese, including How to Attain Silent Knowledge. A female inorganic ally gave the author the ability of space travel at age of 10 and 56. His first space travel was at the age of 56.
You wondered who all our bases are belong to? Well now we know!
Fenris (I must get this book!)
---
### Author:  [@Nausicaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nausicaa)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/3 "2001-04-02T20:46:57Z")
Fenris
How the HECK did you find this book?!!!
Disturbing is not a strong enough word to describe this book.
---
### Author:  [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/4 "2001-04-02T21:19:50Z")
Oh, so this is out in paperback now? I’d been looking to replace my much-thumbed hardback copy…
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2001, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/5 "2001-04-02T23:40:52Z")
anal trainer to the stars?
fenris, should you purchase this book you must get an autographed copy.
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/6 "2001-04-03T00:59:45Z")
Naussica (Great movie btw. I love Myazaki’s (sp) stuff),
I read a Yahoo E-Group dedicated to weird books. Diana Kossy, of “Kooks” fame passed it along. I have _no_ idea where she got it from. But she’s a goddess of weird books.
---
### Author:  [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/7 "2001-04-03T01:12:32Z")
Fenris, you Magic Marker-sniffing weasel. The best argument yet for the SDMB policy against posting commercial links. Can I get a ruling? There’s never a mod around when you need one…
> [@](#):
>
> **Customers who bought this book also bought:**
>
> _The First Quarter : A 25-year History of Video Games_ by Steven L. Kent
> _Extreme Programming Installed(The XP Series)_ by Ron Jeffries, et al
> _The Darwin Awards : Evolution in Action_ by Wendy Northcutt
> _Reinventing Comics_ by Scott McCloud
[\*Geez. Um, the Darwin Awards? Shouldn’t that be telling us something?
God help me, there’s a quote from the book.\*]
> [@](#):
>
> \*\*Editorial Reviews
> Book Description \*\*
> I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.
>
> In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.
>
> If you don’t know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.
> [@](#):
>
> **Explore similar items.**
[\*Oh, no, there can’t be others…Please don’t let there be others…
[sub]clicks on it[/sub]
There aren’t.\*]
[sub]huge sigh of relief[/sub]
> [@](#):
>
> **Was this content helpful to you?**
[_laughing hysterically and splorting macaroni and cheese all over the keyboard_]
[_going upstairs to practice denting navel in hopes of someday being able to make number signs three times in succession without drawing out_]
---
### Author:  [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/8 "2001-04-03T01:25:52Z")
What 100 Times needs to make it to the top is some cross-marketing in conjunction with Colon Blow.
::And the count down begins to man’s first self-powered orbital flight by a fifty-six year old: “One-hundred, ninty-nine, ninty-eight…three, two, one…”::
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/9 "2001-04-03T02:53:31Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duck Duck Goose \*
> \*\*Fenris, you Magic Marker-sniffing weasel. The best argument yet for the SDMB policy against posting commercial links. Can I get a ruling? There’s never a mod around when you need one…
>
> _Oh, no, there can’t be others…Please don’t let there be others…
> There aren’t._]
> [sub]huge sigh of relief[/sub]
>
> \*\*
Oh, c’mon. You’ve got to admit that knowing about this book enriched your life. I’ve actually ordered my copy. I’m serious. How can I live without it? Besides, how else can I burn out dirty stickyness?
And, bad news. You clicked on the wrong link. He’s got another book. [Rejuvenation and Unveiled Hidden Phenix: Carlos Castaneda Shamanism Plus Alpha After His Death](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0595001335/qid=986265963/sr=1-2/ref=sc_b_3/107-8368072-7647751).
Not as good as “Clenching Anus/Hidden Dragon” or whatever the first one was called, but still interesting.
Fenris
---
### Author:  [@trose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trose)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/10 "2001-04-03T04:31:52Z")
> [@](#):
>
> In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can **shoot out his immaterial fiber** or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.
Am I the only one turned on by this?
---
### Author:  [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/11 "2001-04-03T13:21:15Z")
Eh, Fenris, you’re right, both me and the Better Half have had our lives immeasurably enriched by this man. I don’t normally drag him down to the computer to see what the SDMB dredged up, but this time I made an exception.
His response was that of a veteran of three pregnancies and childbirths–“Ah, Kegel exercises…”
---
### Author:  [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/12 "2001-04-03T14:10:45Z")
It must be said:
**Clenching Anus**
WMAGNFARB\*
\*Would Make A Great Name For A Rock Band
---
### Author:  [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2001, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/13 "2001-04-03T21:39:57Z")
Good lord! When I made the OP yesterday, the book’s sales rank was 5050, it’s now gone to 2,928!
It’s twice as popular as it was before!
Admit it. I’m not the only one here who bought a copy.
🙂
Fenris
---
### Author:  [@Nausicaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nausicaa)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/14 "2001-04-04T12:49:52Z")
Fenris,
Once you get this book you must give a full report on it - complete with exercises (information this important must be shared).
(BTW - I’ve never heard of that movie - I’m more of a James Joyce fan.)
---
### Author:  [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/15 "2001-04-04T14:49:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Hometownboy \*
> \*\*It must be said:
> **Clenching Anus**
>
> WMAGNFARB\*
>
> \*Would Make A Great Name For A Rock Band
>
> \*\*
In a roundabout way, someone has already beaten you to it. Several years ago there was a band called Chocolate Starfish, who had some chart success doing covers of other peoples songs.
---
### Author:  [@\_shaolin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_shaolin)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/16 "2001-04-04T15:05:34Z")
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16…
Gosh, quite tiring actually. I’ll work up to 100 a day.
---
### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/17 "2001-04-04T16:00:49Z")
> [@](#):
>
> (BTW - I’ve never heard of that movie - I’m more of a James Joyce fan.)
Who in turn borrowed the character from The Odyssey.
MR
---
### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/18 "2001-04-04T16:07:25Z")
What in sweet **gibbering fuck**???
People who bought this book also bought books by Orson Scott Card???
This does not compute.
---
### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/19 "2001-04-04T16:18:30Z")
_This_ is a riot.
One of the reviewers, one Henry Raddick, posted the following regarding our aforementioned anus management guide.
> [@](#):
>
> I now pucker up 100 times a day - no more, no less. Malarkey? Certainly not - this man is the Charles Atlas of ringpiece callisthenics.
Ringpiece callisthenics struck me as a fabulous turn of phrase. So has Henry Raddick written any other reviews as humorous as this one?
Hell yes.
Check them [out](http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/AA9IP6AYACFK5/1/ref=cm_mp_rv/103-5572824-8486267).
---
### Author:  [@Pucette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pucette)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2001, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/hollow-meaningless-incomplete-life-this-will-help-you-and-apparently-your-anus/60530/20 "2001-04-04T17:55:39Z")
Now what I want to know is this. Fenris, _are_ you Henry Raddick? 😃
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