I was too young to see the following event firsthand, but have seen reruns of it: Bette Davis was Johnny’s guest several days after Joan Crawford (Bette’s arch-nemesis) died. Johnny asked what her feelings were upon hearing the news. Bette, in her most “little-ole’-southern-gentry-lady” voice said: “My mama always told me to say nothing but good about the dead. Well, she’s dead…GOOD!”
I also liked the way frequent guest Angie Dickinson would brazenly flirt with Johnny, getting him red in the face. One time in particular, Angie was talking about filming a racy sex scene for (IIRC) “Dressed to Kill.” Angie: “It was terribly difficult since I was so nervous, and it was very important that I appear enraptured, enamored, swept away…Johnny, where were you when I needed you?” Johnny couldn’t reply for almost a whole minute.
My personal favorite involved Jim (whose last name I can’t remember), from Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Jim was the animal guy before they started working with the San Diego Zoo to bring animals on the Tonight Show.
One night Jim brought out, as part of the animal assortment, a freakin’ HUGE beetle. He put it on Johnny’s sleeve and starts talking about it … what it eats, how big it grows, etc. The beetle, meanwhile, is slowly making its way up Johnny’s arm. Johnny is obviously uncomfortable, and he keeps glancing at Jim as if to say “Is this okay?”
The beetle reaches Johnny’s elbow, and then makes a semi-flying leap all the way up to his shoulder. Johnny lunges backward, and Jim quickly makes a grab for the beetle and takes it off him.
Johnny: “You didn’t tell me it could FLY, Jim!”
Jim: (barely audible): “I didn’t know it could.”
Johnny: “What the hell else don’t you know about it, Jim!”
Anytime he had Dom DeLouise and Burt Reynolds on, I knew I was gonna laugh my butt off. Burt was a master at maintaining a deadpan face, and Dom just fed off that. The one-liners would be flying all over the place.
Steve Martin as the Great Flydini. If you haven’t seen it, Martin is a silent magician who pulls a succession of bizarre things from his fly, including a glass of sherry and a singing Pavaratti puppet,
Ed Mc Mahon had just been awarded a beer distributorship in payment for his Bud commercials. Johnny asked him how his portfolio was doing. Ed went somber and said, “Let’s just say I’m sadder…Budweiser.”
After Johnny had retired, he walked onto the stage of David Letterman’s show. He received a standing ovation for several minutes, then he left without having said a word. I had tears streaming down my face, as I do now.
–That one we can thank Carson for. The evening he introduced him, Carson mentioned that Martin had never performed this one on TV before and was doing it now by his request.
One night when I was young, there was some big local event and the evening news ran long. They joined The Tonight Show “already in progress”. Oh, good, they’re doing Carnac the Magnificent…
rip blow
“What is the sound made by an exploding sheep?”
And the audience totally lost it. It was a couple years later on one of the Best of Carson specials that I finally heard the setup line.
(If you watched closely, when Ed would introduce Carnac, he’d come out from behind the curtain and always trip and stumble a bit on the step up to the desk. And then one time he trips, falls, and obliterates the desk.)
I spent many late nights in college watching The Tonight Show, followed by Letterman. Man, do I miss that.
Any time Johnny bombed on his monologue, it was funny. Sometimes it seemed like that was the plan, even.
Weren’t the Carnac envelopes “sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s front porch” or something like that?
One of my favorites: Robin Williams was on, at Oscar time, and Jack Nicholson must have been up for an award, so Robin did his impression of Jack accepting the Oscar. The voice, and the smart-ass sarcastic tone, were perfect: “I’m so happy, I could just drop a log.” God, that was funny! Johnny just lost it for about five minutes.
In general, I liked Johnny because he was such a gracious host, and didn’t seem to take himself too seriously.
The funniest bits were from guest interaction - when Rickles, Dean Martin, and others like that would be on the couch together.
No matter how many times I heard it, “go the Slauson cutoff and cut off your Slauson” always made me laugh.
Remember when he played the salesman selling simple objects as children’s toys. “It’s Dickie the stick! Pretend you’re a baseball player. A famous swordsman. Only $29.99!” I can’t remember all the routines, but they caught the vapidity of toy advertising perfectly.
Carson was one of the smartest emcees ever - up there with Jon Stewart. I think his disdain for Uri Geller came from his being a magician, and knowing how the tricks worked. When he interviewed Carl Sagan, he really knew what he was talking about, he wasn’t just reading off of cards.
I caught hell from my father many nights for watching Carson instead of being asleep. It was worth it.
The oft-mentioned “sis-boom-bah” incident. I saw the original broadcast of this (the actual wording of the answer, btw, is “describe the sound made when a sheep explodes.”) What I thought was amazing about it was that everybody–the audience, Johnny, Ed, everybody–just went insane with laughter, and they just let it go on and on. I swear they must have laughed for a good two or three minutes before they got themselves under control. It was great!
The night the zoo guy was on with a baby marmoset, which proceeded to climb Johnny, sit on his head, and…uh…relieve itself. The look on Johnny’s face was priceless!
Webb: “That figures. Now let me see if I got the facts straight here. Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered your clean copper clappers kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now, is that about it?”
didn’t see it until the Best of Carson shows
My other obscure favorite moment was when the band started to play the National Anthem (as a counter-point to some joke just made) then Tommy realized that it’s considered bad luck or bad taste to start playing that song and stop so they played it all the way through, Johnny looked puzzled but then stood up with his hand over his heart, the whole audience followed. When done, Tommy explained why he kept the band playing, Johnny said something to the effect of “That’s all right, you did the right thing” whereupon somebody in the band started the song again! Sooo Johnny and the whole studio stands up, then a 3rd time! I’ve never laughed so hard during the national anthem in my whole life.
Johnny used to host the Academy Award show, and one year he said during his opening, “Folks, you’re about to see 60 minutes of the finest entertainment you’ll ever see. Unfortunately, it’s a 3 hour show.”
My favorite was the animal peeing on Johnny’s head. A classic. My favorite Carnac joke:
“The answer is…Igloo”
“What do you use to keep your Ig from falling apart?”
The funniest thing I ever saw on the show, though, didn’t actually involve Carson. George Segal used to come on the show occasionally and play his banjo. Personally, I always thought Segal was kind of a hack. Well this one time, he walked out on the stage with his banjo, and asked the band to play a chord for him to give the pitch for his song. Apparently the band had worked this out ahead of time, and they played the wrong chord. Well, Segal didn’t react well at all. Instead of laughing it off, he became visibly irritated. I bet he had some words with Doc after the show!
I remember one where Don Rickles was doing his bit about “some guy in the back row of the audience”. Johnny interrupted him and said something to the effect of, “There isn’t really any guy in the back row - you just made that up.” So Rickles ran into the audience, grabbed the guy, and dragged him onto the stage.
I remember seeing the Don Rickles cigarette box thing. Not only did he go to Rickles’ set and interrupt taping (who the hell was going to stop Johnny Carson from going onto a closed set?) he started doing Rickles’ act for the studio audience. Rickles had to have felt about an inch tall. He deserved every minute of it.
The time he suggested that he’d give a years’ salary to look under Dolly Parton’s top.
There’s a brilliant exchange between him and Doc during a Thanksgiving week show. Doc had just gone through a rather nasty divorce. Johnny asked him what he was going to do for the holidays having forgotten about the divorce. I won’t even begin to try and describe it. It’s on the original box set of highlights (on the 80’s tape).
Usually when Ed was out, Doc would fill in and Tommy Newsome would lead the band. There was one occasion where Ed and Doc were out and Tommy filled in as announcer. Johnny had a running joke about how dull Tommy was. Tommy did his best to imitate Ed. Johnny was in stitches and could barely do his monologue.
Jay Leno could live to be a million years old and would never acquire .0000001 % of what Johnny had.
We’ll miss ya, Johnny.
I never got to watch the show on a regular basis when Carson was still hosting regularly, so I don’t have a huge base of memories to work from, but I love this one:
Joan Embry hands Johnny a baby chimpanzee (or maybe it was an orangutan; it was a very young baby), who clung tight to J.C.'s head for security. Calmly and quietly, Johnny turned towards the camera and the image was priceless; an overwhelming resemblance between the two higher primates, almost as if J.C. was the proverbial “monkey’s uncle”. As an entertainer, Johnny Carson was doing three things at once: offering comfort to the frightened baby chimp, recognizing the stage presence the two of them had together, and milking the moment for self-deprecating humor.
Johnny was telling a joke about a guy who gets caught in his lover’s bed by the woman’s husband, and after being asked by the husband what he was doing there, replied “Everybody’s gotta be somewhere!”
One of the most commonsensical remarks I ever heard, and my most favorite words-to-live-by.