# Home surgery fails **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 24, 2016, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785 "2016-08-24T02:47:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/1 "2016-08-24T02:47:24Z")
I’m prone to sebaceous cysts in my scalp. I had a big one right on the crown of my head when I met my husband over eight years ago. About five years into the relationship, he decided he wanted to have a go at it with a razor blade, and I said sure. I love home surgery. He made one cut and chickened out. So I lived with the cyst for three more years … until this summer, when it unexpectedly and dramatically came to the surface and opened of its own accord. He squeezed it out and did his best to tear up the capsule (though he couldn’t pull it out, even with pliers), and has been squeezing out pus periodically ever since. We’re proud to say that we think we have it licked. This week, for the first time, he got nothing out. There’s still a bump there about as big as a mini-sequin, but we figure that’s the remains of the capsule, and we hope my body will do away with it. All this has led to hubris. And did I say I was prone to these cysts? I have three or four more juicy ones by this time, so my husband decided he was going to go after them. After a little internet research he settled on the biopsy punch excision, ordered some biopsy punches, and today they came. Such excitement. We spread a towel on the sofa, he got out his headlamp and rubbing alcohol, and away he went. The punch didn’t hurt much: no worse than getting a shot. Unfortunately, he got a tiny amount of gunk, then it got shy and stopped putting out. He tried the punch again–all the way to the end of the needle, thankyouverymuch–but no joy. Now I am jolly sore and still have that cyst. Dangit. I would have my doctor take them out if my doctor didn’t insist it was necessary to \*shave \*the area around it. I’m chick with long hair sooooo … no. Any good stories about home surgery? Failures? Successes? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/2 "2016-08-24T03:01:59Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > He squeezed it out and did his best to tear up the capsule (though he couldn’t pull it out, even with pliers), and has been squeezing out pus periodically ever since. We’re proud to say that **we think we have it licked.** Eeeeewwwww!!! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/3 "2016-08-24T03:06:36Z")
Damn. I’d let the doctor take care of it. Hair grows back. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/4 "2016-08-24T03:31:39Z")
Did you make a video of this? Cyst-popping videos are very, very popular on YouTube. You could be a star! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/5 "2016-08-24T03:47:27Z")
I’m just trying to picture a dude pulling at a woman’s head with a pair of pliers. I had a good sized skin tag on the front of my thigh that became balloon shaped. It was in the way and snagged my panties on the way up and down. I think part of the swelling was irritation from getting snagged regularly. So I tried the floss-garrote technique and damn if it didn’t work. ---
**Author:** ![Vicsage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/e68b1a/32.png) [@Vicsage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vicsage)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/6 "2016-08-24T03:53:24Z")
I have a 10 mm loose body in my right knee that sometimes locks it up painfully. The knee Dr. said he wouldn’t take it out without knocking me out and scoping the whole knee. Mri showed nothing else significantly wrong. Dr. would only do it with knocking me out. The loose body moves around quite a bit. Sometimes its under the kneecap, sometimes it can be felt under the skin on the inside of the knee, sometimes on the outside of the knee. I refuse to be knocked out when I know it can be done with a local. Decided to get it myself when it was in a good position. Ordered 10 sterile scalpels, forceps, and stuff to sterilize the site. So without numbing the area, tried to cut it out. Inch long incision, about 1/3 of an inch deep, but the stupid thing kept moving back under the kneecap. If I had 2 more hands to hold it in place while I was cutting, I could have got it, but the wife (a surgical nurse by the way) refused to assist. Thought I was nuts and wanted no part of it. Bandaged it up and went to dinner. That was the stupid thing. Although it never really hurt that much and didn’t bleed much during my surgery, when we left Ruby Tuesdays, the leg was covered with blood. Should have just taken easy for a few days. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/7 "2016-08-24T04:10:28Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > I had a good sized skin tag on the front of my thigh that became balloon shaped. It was in the way and snagged my panties on the way up and down. I think part of the swelling was irritation from getting snagged regularly. So I tried the floss-garrote technique and damn if it didn’t work. Ooh, those. I got lots under my arms when I was pregnant. I did the “pinch with fingernails for 30 seconds” technique, and they usually dropped off within a week. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/8 "2016-08-24T04:15:22Z")
This sounds very unwise. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/9 "2016-08-24T04:58:49Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Ooh, those. I got lots under my arms when I was pregnant. I did the “pinch with fingernails for 30 seconds” technique, and they usually dropped off within a week. The little ones, yes, this one was the diameter of my thumbnail! Gross. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/10 "2016-08-24T05:13:46Z")
Self-trepanation, it’s a thing > **[Self-surgery | Self-trepanation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-surgery#Self-trepanation)** > > Trepanation involves drilling a hole in the skull. The most famous instances of self-trepanation are those of Amanda Feilding, Joey Mellen (Feilding's domestic partner), and Bart Huges (who influenced Mellen and Feilding). ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/11 "2016-08-24T05:40:02Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > The little ones, yes, this one was the diameter of my thumbnail! Gross. Iiuuugghhhh. Bet it bled a lot. Bet it felt good to have it gone, though. > [@outlierrn](#): > > Self-trepanation, it’s a thing > [Self-surgery - Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-surgery#Self-trepanation) At one point when he had the needle really deep I heard something go _crunch_, and that … um … went through my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/12 "2016-08-24T06:48:51Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > At one point when he had the needle really deep I heard something go _crunch_, and that … um … went through my mind. I had to have 7 stitches in my scalp when I was young (a teapot fell on my head and cut me) - hearing the needle scratch against my skull was… interesting. I’ve had sebaceous cysts on my head (oddly, my first was right on the scar where the teapot got me). Home surgery is on things like these is not a great idea - people get pretty serious (i.e. life-threatening) infections from cyst-popping attempts that go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/13 "2016-08-24T12:18:25Z")
“Home surgery fails” is a statement of fact more often than not. Unless you have, like, an actual surgeon with the proper gear at home. I mean, really… ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/14 "2016-08-24T12:27:47Z")
“A physician who operates on himself has a fool for a patient.” ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/15 "2016-08-24T14:59:42Z")
When I was a yute, my wisdom teeth gave me a lot of pain as they tried to come through. I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist either. One day, I was at my fast-food job and they were hurting so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. I borrowed the razor blade out of the box cutter, sterilized it with a lighter, and slashed my gums open. Relief! And no infection or subsequent problems. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/16 "2016-08-24T15:05:43Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > “A physician who operates on himself has a fool for a patient.” “An undertaker who embalms himself is a miracle worker.” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/17 "2016-08-24T19:59:26Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > “A physician who operates on himself has a fool for a patient.” Good thing we ain’t physicians, huh? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/18 "2016-08-24T20:25:20Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Good thing we ain’t physicians, huh? That is obvious. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/19 "2016-08-24T20:27:00Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > This sounds very unwise. All of these sound very unwise. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2016, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785/20 "2016-08-24T23:32:12Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > When I was a yute, my wisdom teeth gave me a lot of pain as they tried to come through. I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist either. One day, I was at my fast-food job and they were hurting so bad I couldn’t take it anymore. I borrowed the razor blade out of the box cutter, sterilized it with a lighter, and slashed my gums open. Relief! And no infection or subsequent problems. Dayum, girl. You win. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/home-surgery-fails/763785.md?page=2)