# Homer quotes. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/1 "2005-07-12T00:09:24Z")
Revisited. I think it’s during the prohibition episode. Bart and homer are off to take barrels of bowling balls filled with alcoholic beverages to moes. As Homer is leaving he says to marge as trivially as possible… “Gone bowling. Not back, avenge death.” The way he delivers the line is just brilliant! Anyway… go nuts. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/2 "2005-07-12T00:11:52Z")
My favorite Homer quotes are the ones that mention the “wine-dark sea.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/3 "2005-07-12T00:12:20Z")
From one of the Halloween shows: “Let’s go back to that…building thingie…where our beds and TV…is.” ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/4 "2005-07-12T00:12:56Z")
Marge: Well, we don’t want to smother him. Homer: Yeah, cause then we’d get the chair. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/5 "2005-07-12T00:14:27Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Marge: Well, we don’t want to smother him. > Homer: Yeah, cause then we’d get the chair. Marge: That’s not what I mean. Homer: Sure it is, Marge, admit it. Great delivery on that one. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/6 "2005-07-12T00:16:48Z")
Kent Brockman: Petty vandalism is down 70% but sack beatings are up 400%. Homer: Anyone can use facts to prove anything. 48% of all people know that. Kent: Touche. Homer: Look Kent, I’d be lying if I didn’t say my men weren’t commiting crimes. ---
**Author:** ![Ex\_Machina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ex_Machina)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/7 "2005-07-12T00:42:58Z")
After discovering a cemetary in the basement of his new house Homer angrily stalks to the telephone and calls the realtor, yelling furiously into the phone: "Mr. Bloot? Homer Simpson here. When you sold me this house, you forgot to mention one little thing: YOU DIDN’T TELL ME IT WAS BUILT ON AN ANCIENT INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! … NO YOU DIDN’T! … Well, that’s not my recollection. … Yeah? Well, all right, goodbye! [angrily hangs up] He said he mentioned it five or six times." ---
**Author:** ![cckerberos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/8 "2005-07-12T00:48:50Z")
Lisa: Oh, forget it… you wouldn’t understand. Homer: Hey! Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/9 "2005-07-12T00:48:59Z")
Anything from the “insanity peppers” episode, which is my favorite. Homer’s reaction after the accidentally kills Pinchy’s great, too, when he’s eating him, crying, and won’t let the kids have any. “No…Pinchy would have wanted it this way.” ---
**Author:** ![Amok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f17d59/32.png) [@Amok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amok)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/10 "2005-07-12T00:50:31Z")
“Sing, O goddess, the anger of Achilles son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans.” Wait, wrong Homer. OK, I’ll go with: “Hello? Can I get some help? Snack-related mishap!” ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/11 "2005-07-12T01:07:57Z")
“Is there anything donuts can’t do?” ---
**Author:** ![Arch\_Trout](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9f8e36/32.png) [@Arch\_Trout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arch_Trout)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/12 "2005-07-12T01:40:51Z")
“Probably misses his old glasses” ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/13 "2005-07-12T01:46:30Z")
Homer: Internet, eh? Is that thing still around? ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/14 "2005-07-12T02:06:46Z")
The lesson is: never try. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/15 "2005-07-12T02:08:53Z")
Beer: The cause of, and solution to all of Life’s problems. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGauss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karlgauss/32/3713_2.png) [@KarlGauss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGauss)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/16 "2005-07-12T02:15:13Z")
**Marge** : C’mon, Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon. **Homer** : That’s not how I remember it. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/17 "2005-07-12T02:26:28Z")
“Why don’t those stupid idiots let me in their crappy club for jerks?” ---
**Author:** ![Spudo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Spudo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spudo)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/18 "2005-07-12T02:29:21Z")
Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/19 "2005-07-12T02:52:08Z")
“Beer beer beer! Bed bed bed!” “Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-Tip.” ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2005, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088/20 "2005-07-12T03:02:05Z")
> [@Spudo](#): > > Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?” Damn, I just saw that half an hour ago! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/homer-quotes/312088.md?page=2)